I know the ex is trying to get her back... I posted my own post called " Keeping the faith" it tells the whole story pretty much.

She goes over there to see her kids for a couple hours on Mon Wed and Fri... but other than that she has gone over there less in the last week or so. Even when invited to go do something... but I know that doesn't mean squat.

I feel defeated is the problem, I just want to show her who I am and make myself attractive to her... but at the same time I don't want to be the doormat that I apparently am now.
I pay the car payment for her and the insurance..the car is in my name... I pay all ther bills... the only thing she pays is fpr groceries and my daughters daycare. Whisch she gets half off on since she works there. So she brings home like 230 a week if she actually works 40 hours. So after paying the support for her other 2 kids of 25 a week and 35 for gas, and 40 for my daugher, thats about half her check.

So in that I know unless the other guy is gonna give her money, she dont have the money to pay for anything especially a divorce.

I so hate that word (Divorce)

I hate that word too. I also hate "custody" and "visitation" and all those ugly words that have undermined our society.

Only you can decide to change your attitude. Nothing anyone does is going to make you change. Like I said... fake it for a little while and you'll realize that it's much more attractive being confident and happy then being down and sad all the time. There's a little piece of us that thinks the wife might pity us or something and come back. I hate pity, so I decided to fight this feeling with real and PERMANENT change. At the beginning of this thread there's some great stuff. Start at page one and give it a read if you haven't already.

I have read it all...

What are you doing when you are around your wife... do you still do anything to show affection>???

still learning plan A ins and outs. Show affection not in a smothering way(learn from my mistakes on board) and yet be independent. i think it is a plan to change your outlook on life as well as to let your wife see a changed, more attractive man in you.

Its like she knows you yet dont know you. The challenge is to find the balance between caring and ignoring.

This will take time but you can get there.

hang in there.

nuff luv.

Aha! Kind of like offering her a glass of wine if you're pouring one for yourself. Then walking it over to her, but not giving her a kiss when you give it to her.

Or calling on the way home if you're going to be stopping at the store just to ask if she needs anything, but leaving it at that.

Or wearing her favorite cologne, even if before that you were much into cologne (that would be me).

Or asking her how her day went when you see her, and LISTENING to what she has to say.

Recognizing annoying habits and avoiding doing them.

Dressing a little nicer if you tend to not care about that stuff.

Smiling, laughing out loud with the kids, showing a positive YOU.

Just some ideas off the top of my head.

I like that... how do you react to the rejection? Just go with it?

I know if I can get her into counseling that we can salvage this..i have that much faith...its the getting her there that will be hard.
I want her to find me attractive so that she can feel me again... I want to make this work, I dont believe in divorce...****** I came from a broken home, and this is my worst nightmare.

going out more with your child and becoming more interactive with her. Invite wifey to come. she will say no. but you will win anyway.

she will remember.

Mr. Al - how are you coming with your homewrok assignment?


No you can't.

Counseling will do you NO GOOD until the affair is ended.

But you didn't know this and that's OK. Your assumption is a common misconception.

Your first goal is to make the affair end.

How do you do this?

You can't.

The affairees have it end it on their own.

Re-read what I wrote you on the other thread.

WAT

look on the bright side....your character will be built. treemendously.

start now.

The rejection won't mean as much to you (from my experience) once you feel great about yourself. It's not really something you can control. Try working on the things you CAN control at this point.

I'm no expert, just offering my approach to things.

Oh, and talking with the wife before, she briefly talked about how recovery would be hard because my family knows about her infidelity. I'm glad she feels this way right now. Embarrassed, ashamed... I want her to feel consequences to her actions. She said that I'd always throw it up to her in the future too. I told her I wouldn't, but she doesn't believe it. Again, I like the fact that she's thinking of the consequences and how wrong it was for her to do what she did.

Good luck...

lol. that is so funny my wife said the same things to me last week about waiting for me to throw it in her face and how i am going to use it back at her.

They all think you will throw it in their faces! And when you do not they wonder why you are not angry at them.
(Picturing Regan's head spinning in circles, then throwing up pea soup. Gotta love the Exorcist!"

I guess when one's character has been dissolved, one doesn't expect much from others...

I started my plan last night...

When she came home I asked her about her day, and was very attentive. When she asked about mine, I told her it was fantastic... but didn't point out nay specifics (didn't want to focus on me).
We talked here and there laughing at little things our daughter did, or things on TV...
When she got done with dinner, I told her to take off her socks and rol up her pants legs. I then went in the other room and got a some foot soak stuff I had purchased at the store. I told her to soak her feet in this for 20 mins.
When that was over we looked onlone together for Halloween costumes.
We went to bed, I put some creme on her feet and massaged them. When I was done, she said thank you...and I told her sweet dreams, she told me the same.

This morning when she got up to work, she had a wierd dream and I let her tell me all about it. It was pretty nice just talking about things randomly and enjoying each others company.

May not be much but I was able to pull off a night of not dwelling or getting upset...

Will keep you updated!!!

That sounds fantastic. My wife would NEVER let me do that at this point, but I'm glad for you.

Please keep us posted.

I didn't ask..I just said I was doing it.

I want much more and got a little down when I heard her tell my daughter how much she loves her... and of course I don't get even a spit drop.

I am trying and thats all I can do... she isn't going out on me cause she is always here after 6pm and doesn't get on the phone like she used to do.

I will keep praying and doing what my heart tells me to do... and work on myself without focusing the attention to me.

Letting God control my life is the only thing I know I can do, without lowering myself or simply not being true to myself.

Giving yourself to God can never hurt you. He will guide you if you let him.

I had a small prayer I posted above:

Dear Lord,
You are the light of the world.
Please fill my mind with your peace,
and my heart with your love.

I say it many times a day...

Spoke with attorney today. I'm going to talk to the wife later today and tell her I talked to one and that I suggest she do the same.

I have a great case for custody of the kids. I'm wondering what her reaction will be to me telling her about my conversation. Should be an interesting next few hours...

Welp! I told the wife that I spoke with an attorney today. I told her that I recommend she do the same.

She started asking a million questions. I simply told her that I have a strong case for custody of the kids.

She went into a spin talking about how she hasn't been happy for a long time, she tried to tell me, she said that I'm doing this to trap her, etc.

I told her that I don't want to stay together just for financial reasons anymore. I told her that she needs to make a decision in the near future as to what she wants to do. She said that I'll never know if she decides to say she wants to stay, even if it's for the wrong reasons (desparation?). I told her that I'll know if it's sincere or not, and if it isn't, then I'll file. I stayed calm the whole time, but could see her wheels turing 100 miles per hour.

I'm doing this for two reasons. To make her realize the consequences for her actions both past and present... and to empower myself with a plan for MY and MY CHILDREN'S future. I told her that if she decides to stay, we both need to make changes.

Any thoughts? I never lost my temper, never called her a name... I refuse to stoop.

Thank God for my family and friends.