I am from Jamaica,West Indies.

Land of Bob Marley and Reggae and spicy foods.

I wish I had had your strength back when my world fell apart.

Be strong. Hang in there. Document everything. Get copies of documents. Don't reveal your legal issues with your WW. Keep that secret.

Good luck.

Thank you all for your compliments. They actually make me feel even better about myself.

I actually am starting to form a very good plan with help from family. Imagine that... help from family. Isn't that what it's all about?

Just in case she reads this, I don't want to give too many details, but I feel like I've got alot going for me.

I will post regular updates as events occur. For now, it's Plan A and Plan W for Walt! Still losing weight. Just got my first haircut since I lost almost 40 pounds! A short haircut looks MUCH better on a skinny guy like me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Got the same haircut last time and it looked like crap with the extra weight on.

I'm going to have to figure out how to celebrate the new me once I lose 21 more pounds. Maybe I'll take the kids to an amusement park and go on the rides I couldn't fit into before!

Go for it! you know for all the bashing men get about not being faithful and fighting for their wives, i look on MB with pride.

Almost our own little "iraq": executing a plan with the end not clearly in sight.

lol.

anyway continue being strong YOU will make it.

anyone knows what happen to the W's

So, when is it time to reveal my plan? Is it when she files? I'm not too sure about the timing... do you reveal it after all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed?

Weird thing is, I'm fine with both options at this point. A great "no lose" type of feeling. Having my priorities in line helps... as well as being able to look in the mirror.

Just wanted to touch base. I'm having a fantastic day! Got a hairct yesterday. Sounds like no big deal, but it's the first haircut since I lost almost 40 pounds. I look and feel 10 years younger and more attractive and desirable than ever in my life!

I'm also empowering myself with a plan... one that will protect my family, meaning me and my two children. The wife and I talked last night. She's all over the chart. I told her she needs to take some time and really decide what she wants to do. She keeps trying to talk about a mediator instead of lawyers. I told her until she makes a decision, I'm not having any discussions about details of a divorce.

In the mean time, I'm doing my own homework and arming myself and my family for the worst. I'm not a veangeful person, but I will got to bat for my children and what I know is best for them.

I'm surrounded by people who love and support me. What a fantastic feeling. I'm feeling more sorry for her every day. It must suck to be so lost in the fog...

I love hearing from you all... your thoughts and prayers are always appreciated.

Walt

Woops! Told you about the haircut twice. It's amazing how little things like that can make a difference... Sorry for the redundancy.

I feel for you man... I am going through a similiar state.

You gotta protect your kids... I feel sorry for my wife too, lost in the fog or pretending to not care. It feels like high school all over again... thought that ended with marriage...lol/

Exactly... like high school childish teenage behavior. Sad thing is, I know that a year or two out, she's going to call crying and regretting.

Too late. Have a nice life...

So Walt - do you want to save your marriage or not?

If you're ambivalent about it, you likely won't save it because you won't have the drive.

Instead of waiting on HER decision, what's YOUR decision? Don't let her decide for you - you've already seen how bad her judgement is at the moment.

WAT

Kinda like where I am at...
I want my wife to wake up and smell the roses, and see that love is where her home is.

I want to save my marriage and not push my wife away... but I also don't want to hurt myself and impair my ability to be a good parent to my daughter. She is the one that matters the most... I just want my wife to love me again, I miss the comfort/touch - the feeling of being loved and respected.

I've told her that I want to save the marriage, but can't make her do anything. I'm continuing with my improvements and changes, but I just refuse to be a doormat for someone else.

My decision is to save the marriage, but protect my family while I try. My ideal outcome would be to be together as a family and implement the changes that will create a caring environment that we are both happy in.

Worthatry, do you have any suggestions? It seems like a very tough balancing act for me.

It sucks is all it is.

I would have never married her if I knew she would ever be this cold to me...
I understand you wanting to save your marriage... you are doing what your heart is telling you to do. But in your head it is responding to the changes you have made and the hurt feelings you have gotten from the rejection on a consistent basis.

It hurts, it sucks and I don't know what to do either...

Mr. A, making changes in myself was the best thing I could have done. I'm almost down to my weight in high school! But with a more mature body. I like what I'm starting to see in the mirror. It helps me get through the rough days.

I act positive and upbeat now almost all the time. I've told close family about her infidelity and I can see her struggling to even look at these people face to face. Consequences... I've gotten over the pride part of the suffering realizing that I am a very good "catch" and most women would be happy to have me in their lives. I have a strong sense of family which helps me stay open for recovery.

It seems its about getting control of your own mind and attitude. I really think it's a personality issue. It hit me HARD, VERY HARD... many tears and begging and pleading to stay. Very unattractive.

She's still saying she doesn't love me, never "meant to be" (useless statement in my book).

I feel like I'm doing what I need to do at this point, while staying open and working toward recovery. It's a very weird situation, since you feel like your defending yourself and giving yourself up all at the same time!

I'm a good person, so are you. We can look ourselves in the mirror every day and feel good about our decisions and the way we live our lives. Don't let her take that away from you.

No, you shouldn't be a doormat, but neither should you let your pride get in the way.

Plan A does require you kiss her [censored] - a bit.

My only suggestion - your self improvements are commendable - is to pour your soul into the battle. No wishy washy on your desires. You have to want it and make it obvious to her you want it by your actions. Just saying you want it isn't good enough. Perhaps you are already here and I have simply misinterpreted your resolve.

I guess I don't understand what you're trying to "balance". You're hedging your bets? It's smart to be prepared for multiple courses - to have contingencies - but you can have only one goal in this mess regarding the marriage > you want to save it or you don't care about it.

JMHO

WAT

My biggest thing is her being there and acting like its nothing... I know I asked her to stay at least through September, but that was just to give myself time to get prepared legally if she tried to take my child.
Her being there and knowing me as well as she does is hard...cause she can see through most things I do.
I am biting my tongue... hurting inside so bad... and watching her in pain with her back is killing me not being able to show her my love and rub it for her. I know thats ounds pathetic, but I love her unconditionally and its most powerful thing I have ever been a part of.

I told her when she came to me last week..asking me what was wrong and I told her that I was just thinking... so she asked about what? And I told her I was thiking about her my daughter and me.. she asked what about it? I said I think we should go to marraiage counseling... but she replied with "I don't think thats the problem" - So I told her that I wanted it for closier if nothing else to find out if she really loves me or not. Then I let it that conversation end.

Nothing else has been said...but she is still cooking us dinner and hanging out with us, going shopping together, and out to eat once in a while. It hurts cause I want her there, and don't know how to break this fog.

How does plan A work... I think I need to apply it.... please explain?

Mr A, one of the biggest changes I made is not being so down on the situation, but trying to be someone my wife would want to be with. Confident, positive, caring... I think it MAY be starting to sink in.

However, WAT makes a good point. I probably could be a little more warm to her these days. I think I'm going to ramp that up a bit starting this second.

That's why I've been enjoying this forum. It helps me have some direction.

How do you act...what do you say?

I want her to feel like she is losing em I guess... I don't know.

I just miss my friend... my best friend. And that person isn't her anymore and I don't know how I can act confident 24/7 without some advice or whatever?

Well, the good folks here directed me to the 180, which literally changed my life. I suggest you read back on this thread. I think someone posted a link.

The 180 will help her to see you differently, and help YOU see you differently. It's not easy at first, but then becomes part of your personality. You start to feel empowered and good about yourself. You also may realize what's driving her away... I chose to look to myself first and see what I could change to make myself more attractive and appealing to be around.

Good luck. My wife is still in a fog saying she can't even kiss me, etc. It hurts when she says this stuff, and I look to myself knowing NOW that I could have done things to prevent an environment where cheating was appealing to her.

I just got off the phone with her. She was talking with her mother. Her mother was trying to encourage her to work on it and stay together. My wife brought up things from the past over and over and over. When she was done, I said to her that I don't want the next ten years to be like the last ten years. We've learned alot and we can apply what we've learned.

She said that in her mind it's just over. I told her that it's her decision to make, but I'm willing to work on it. I told her that I'm not guaranteeing that in two or three years she won't say "I still don't want to be in it". But at that point, we will have at least tried and approached our marriage from a totally new place.

I don't know what she's going to do, but there was alot of silence on the phone for a while. I've given up trying to interpret these moments, because I don't even think she feels the same from the moment the silence starts, to when it ends.

Hopefully, she'll realize that divorce isn't necessarily the answer to her unhappiness. She's going to see a priest, and we're going to marriage counseling (as of right now... things change like the weather). I'm giving it all have, but protecting myself at the same time.

Still hoping that we'll look back on these events and look at it as a turning point toward a fantastic life together.

Good luck... Read about the 180.

Also, is she having an affair?