Proud of you man...

I got told by my wife that I will be getting served with DIVORCE papers in about a week.

What a lovely payment for 6 years of labor of love huh?
And she told me she wants me to pay for her car payment and child support since she doesn't make enough to make it on her own.
Pretty much told me I could have my child like one day during the week and every other weekend.
People were right, this isn't the same woman I loved or even married... this is a woman who is burning me.

She told me that she quit talking to her ex, but I wonder where she got over 500 dollars to get papers drawn and filed not to mention 300+ to serv me with???

Basically my feeling is this... she did it to get back with her ex to get her kids back and pretty much wants to screw me.

She told me I would have twenty days to agree with it or she automatically gets what she wants.
Trust me, the gloves are gonna come off now... she will be taking my daughter to live in that house where he stays and so does her kids... she will have no room of her own there, will have to share with her half sister.

I am at a loss here... I love her, but I am over being treated like a moron... How can she live with herself?

Get legal advice.... NOW!!! Plain and simple.

she doesnt deserve to get the car or the child...lying and scheming like she is doing it... then denying it to my face
she stalled me out so she could do it first
difference is she went to a paralegal to draw papers...nonone to actually represent her... news flash i have a lawyer thats gonna cost me 5,000 and he will flip her world upside down.
i am going to protect my child - she did this not me and she deserves whatever comes her way for being so deceitful.

You need to do what's best for your family... meaning you and your child at this point.

Sounds like she has no clue. i learned alot by talking my an attorney to get legal advice. I don't think my wife is speaking to me. I think she thinks that this will make me do something different. I don't understand her anymore. I STILL tell her I'm open and willing to discuss reconciling the marriage... she's spiteful and stubborn. She's also very spoiled and I think expects everything to just work out for her somehow.

She needs to make some big decisions in her life very soon.

Good luck! Keep me posted.

My wife called me from work last night saying, "So, you've been calling every number you don't recognize on the cell phone bill to check up on me?"

I said, "Yes." She sounded annoyed. I was thinking about what she did and how she could think this was out of order for me to do.

She then said, "This is never going to work. Your parents know, my parents know. I wish you never told my parents about this."

I asked her if she would have told them and she said yes... I think not.

What the conversation told me is that she's now thinking of working on it. I think she sees all the consequences of her actions now, and me seeing an attorney and having a plan must have really made her think.

I can't believe how RIGHT everyone here has been so far with this whole thing. There is a common pattern of behavior among WS's!

Funny thing is, having entertained the idea of her leaving and coming up with a plan has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. I can't even explain the freedom I feel. I've always tip-toed around trying not to disappoint her or make her unhappy.

I know that I'm not supposed to feel this way or approach things this way, but I'm ok with BOTH scenarios at this point. I hate to admit it, but I'm leaning toward divorce as the better option for me and my family right now. I don't like that I feel that way, but I'm just being honest.

I'll be able to make a better decision if the wife starts to talk about recovery with me and what it will take. Being in this comfort zone has allowed me to give her all the "space" she needs to consider the rest of her life. I feel so much more in control of my family's destiny.

WAT... I have a feeling you have thoughts on this... I'd love to hear them.

Sounds like you are doing very well. Stay calm and focused.

When she goes on and on about exposing the affair, you can just let her know that you will do everything necessary to save your family.

It is freeing to be the one in the driver's seat after going through all of this mess. When I went into Plan B, it was a HUGE relief.

Continue the course.

this is great........i hope she comes though her fog though to come back to you

i'm getting served with D papers this week aparently...
can you explain pla A and B so I can properly start using its methods...

i know she is having an affair and denying it... you can read my posts and figure that out...

thanks in advance

I think there's a forum for Plan A and Plan B, but I also think that earlier in this thread there's a link to Plan A and Plan B, plus there's some articles I think you'll find useful.

Plan A is typically making good, permanent changes that you weren't doing before. If she's out of the house, not sure how you can do that. You might be in Plan B territory, but others here would know better.

Still hopeful for reconciliation with my wife, but she's still very resistant.

I think her parents have gotten through a little bit, but not much. I just told her a few minutes ago that I didn't go see an attorney to threaten her into staying in the marriage. I went to learn what happens in a divorce and just gather information. I told her I'm still hopeful, but needed to get info just in case.

I asked her if we could be friendly to each other right now. She seemed ok with that, but just has this crappy pout on her face all thet time.

She's very upset that I told my parents. Her dad told her to put herself in my shoes and wouldn't she tell them if I was screwing around? I think it helped her realize that she might (would have) done the same thing.

Seems like she's mostly upset because its not easier to end our marriage and I'm not just accomodating to it. TOO BAD!

HOWEVER, if by the end of the month things haven't changed at all, I'm filing for the sake of my family.

Also, her dad brought up a good point. He said that she really needs to hear the legal consequences to divorce and needs to speak to a priest... and not necessarily hear this information from ME. I agreed.

The saga goes on. If she leaves, it's more her loss at this point than mine. She just doesn't know it yet...'

I'll keep you all posted...

stand tall, stand proud. you have my respect. a model to all responsible fathers. good luck.

Thank you very much, nc007. Divorce to me is a last resort with consequences all their own. My daughter has been reaching out to my wife, but getting little to no response, which makes me more and more accepting of my wife not being around. She has slowly slid into a selfish state of mind and I don't expect her to change overnight, but I do expect her to respect our family enough to be open to reconciling.

I feel sorry for my daughter who knows what's going on and feels like her mother doesn't care enough to try... and also feel for my son who has no clue what's going on.

May daughter has been telling me to just pull the trigger and do it, AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE INFIDELITY YET!!! I'm going to eventually tell her, especially if she's in the position to decide with whom she wants to live with. She needs to know ALL the cold hard facts to make that decision.

She feels strongly that she wants to live with me. I'm actually saddened by the fact that she's barely torn between the two of us. She just wishes she could be close with her mother AND her me. I can't make my wife change... but I would if I could and my daughter knows that.

I'm reading a book called "Love Must be Tough". So far very good. Similar ideas as Harley. Talks about how being desparate and begging to stay together, etc. usually drives away a WS. I'm about a quarter of the way through it.

I'm alot better prepared for a future relationship at this point, but should the worst happen (divorce), I'm going to be on the shelf for some time while I raise my children in a caring, loving environment.

Prayers,

Walt

hi walt ive been lurking for few days and i gotta say im impressed! i'd like to talk to ya sometime via instant messaging! I had the same problem as you but worse, the OM was a sadist who did everything he could to harass me, threaten me, used every little nugget my wife gave him to do any damage he could. I wish i had found this place back in 1998.
Im bobbym77 on yahoo.com

My story DID have a happy ending, and I pray yours does too!

I signed up for IM, but you weren't available. My screen name is Waltwyso on AIM.

I'll have it up most of the day.

yea, my wife screwed up

i found papers showing where her ex-husband (the one she is denying having affair with) - was with her when she filed on Friday... he signed a WITNESS COOBERATION FORM - stating he has known her for more than 6 months... the biggestn mistake was he showed ID and listed his address. Same address of the ex-mother-in-law in which she has said she is going to live with for a while.... HMMM!!! Sounds like she made a BAD move there.

She doesn't know I have those papers fo I havent been served yet... put it this way, my lawyer has them!!! I am going to courthouse tomorrow to get all the dirt in copies on the ex and her civil matters with the kids... My lawyer is going to throw the book at her... I am claiming her unfit and adultery... putting my daughter in danger, and setting a bad example for her... which will lead to neglect. My lawyer already stated that in his opinion...any attorney will see how bad she is looking with her past and what she is doing, that she will probably be told to just sign her over to me and end it.

I took my daughter to church on Sunday... and she loved it. I went down and re-committed myself. They prayed for me and my family, and that gave me alot of strength to handle this. I am consistently praying all the time, and binding thsi devil from my home and my spirit. I have come to realize that fighting her is pointless, I am fighting her spirit... I will let my Attorney fight her...

Any advice on what I can do until she leaves would be appreciated... believe this, I love my wife... but the person she is I dont love and want her out of my house. I deserve better than the trash she is showing herself to be...
You know I gave her the opportunity to join us at the park yesterday and cookout..and she said she didnt want to and went over to her ex-motherinlaws... She had been over there Sat/Sun... and even that wasnt enough!!! She refused to spend a holiday with her family and mainly our daughter. Taylor asked her to go, she wanted her to go... PATHETIC!!!

Thanks

I feel strength here, I with you guys on this. My kids called me yesterday wanting to come and see me, WW was on phone with OM, they wanted me. I felt so sab, but I know in my heart that things will work out, the thing to remember is to stay strong for your kids, don't react but act. Document every breath that is taken around your kids.

i feel ya...
i am now documenting all the time i spend with my daughter and all actions i take...including getting her dressed, baths, food... all that!!!
in doing so, i am seeing that my wife isnt that great of a mother really...

Be careful that you are letting revenge and not strenght taking place. Remember that you are becoming a stronger individual because of this traumatic time and this will mold your character. be wise ......yes,.document everything........yes, Care for your kids.............yes, but be very careful of revenge.

Hate the WW............. love your trapped wife.

Actually feel pity for her. Because EVENTUALLY they will really realize what they have done and even want to "reconcile".

Be a role model for your kids. Be an excellent example of what a father should be. Dare i say be an example of what every woman would want in a husband. Looks, manner, speach and action.

Go with God on this ,you cant do this alone.

I bet you $$$$$$$$$$ that your WS will regret ever even contemplating cheating on you.

greetings from jamaica.

I definately agree... I am still nice to her, but dont go out of my way to do anything for her.
I'm not going to pay her car payment or buy her anything, she can get her ex for all that.
Not trying to revenge or anything like that, just protecting my interests...I shouldnt have to pay for a car in my name for her to drive while she cheats and leaves me to re-marry him... while she takes my daughter and claimes supports when she agreed to give me shared custody and we split expenses...
She even had the nerve to tell me that she expects me to help her with Christmas... HA!!! I will give my daughter her own Christmas at my house...

understandable...........

Well I will be honest with you that anger is part of the process but keeping it in check for yourself and your kids is a challenge but one that you should be successful with, as we grow through this experience we realize that the actions Of thw wayward are just those words and actions they don't hurt us or kill us. they are thoughts and words not bullets and knifes, they feel that way but we must realize are in our control, if you see her kiss the OM - your can react or you can act. You can walk away realize its just two people none of them having any connection to you. I face the fact of living with the WW for 2.5 months of her affari, nightly calls, phone sex and her travelign 4 times while in the house to be with OM. I have learned and it hard but I try to think of her as a dead relative. When I see her or talk to her its like talking to a blank and that is not revenge or disrespectful it building a boundary around me that protects me