I'm with you brother... I am wanting the same things.
I got served with papers and she is still there and I just want to work things out...everytime I look at her I want her to just tell me she loves me and we should work it out.

She doesnt know I have legal councel now. I think she is just obcessed with her ex and the fantasy world he has her envisioned to have. We both know that once a bad relationship has failed on several occassions...that its stupid to go back to it... thats exactly what she is doing, though she is denying going back to him.

I wish she would just tell the truth, but with a pending divorce I see why she doesnt want to incriminate herself with adultery.

BUMP!!!

Just got off the phone with the wife. I got her parents involved and she to avoid financial devestation of divorce, we're going to stay together to pay off some bills and sell our second home.

But she also said she's going to keep an open mind about our relationship. She's not making any promises, but she's going to be open-minded.

I'm going to take this opportunity to execute a world class Plan A! I've lost alot of weight, and I'm going to lose another 20 pounds. I'm going to stay in great shape and work on my self esteem and self-confidence even more.

If it doesn't work out, I'm going to be the hottest dad on the market! From this day on, I'm going to live my life very differently. I'm going to be irresistible!

She's going to see a priest on Tuesday. I hope that she gets some guidance that she desperately needs.

September 8th is another big date in this saga... I'll never foget it.

looks like you are on the raod to possible recovery...

looks like your plan worked... mine is different and wish i could get a controlled grip on the fog my other half is under... she filed and i know the ex was with her when she did... now i either have to agree to it or fight back...

no one has even commented on this yet...

thanks walt you have inspired me alot

No problem. Stay VERY strong. If you haven't already, read Dobson's "Love Must be Tough". A great book. Goes hand in hand with Plan A.

I'm fortunate to have my inlaws involvement and they feel very strongly about family and staying together.

I've got a long road ahead, but Plan Aing it the whooole way!

I'd also be curious what some veterans think about this arrangement...

Having a generally good day today. I tend to have my worst moments at night for some reason.

Plan A is like exercise. It may suck to get started, but once you do it for a while, you actually feel great and look forward to it!

I cant really plan A like you are doing...

I have been served with divorce papers, and she wants my child, the car and me to pay for both. Already told me that if I don't agree, and fight her that I will be paying alot more.
So the only reason I have her still here is for my daughter to still be with me. That house is a mess and not the kind of place she needs to be in... I have to catch her in the act to prove she is having an affair. And you and I both know what that involves... (email me and I will tell you).

I love her still, and just want her to come out of this fog, or whatever her mind has been warped to. I still tell her I love her once in a while, and still shows gestures that I do... ****** I still have my ring on!!! But I won't soon...soon I will have a counter offer to this divorce crap. I just can't read between the lies to understand what the truth is and what they lies are. I know I am getting both... and she is still being friendly - ****** we played games online last night against each other (her in the other room).

So is there an ammended Plan A I can use... anything I can do that wont make her suspicious that I have alterior motives?

CONFUSED AND STILL LOVING MY ALREADY FILED FOR DIVORCE WIFE!!!!

Walt, NOW that is the way you need to think now. You be the best person, dad, employee, son, whatever you can be. Let the chips fall where they may, and you walk with your head up, and maintain your dignity and self respect.

In the end you may not even want your wife back. Order a subscription to Mens Health, plan out your diet, make a goal to run a 10K in 4 months. Throw out your "fat" clothes in the closet. Go buy a copy of Dave Ramsey's Money Makeover....get organized about every aspect of your life. You will NOT fail in life no matter what your wife does.

You have alot of life to live my friend.

Lemon

LIF, keep in mind that Plan A is NOT just for getting your spouse to re-think their decisions. Read Lemon's post. It's about YOU. It's a way for you to prepare yourself for either situation. If it doesn't work out, you walk away loving and liking who you are. Like Lemon said, you may not even WANT her back after you start with Plan A. I felt the same way you did at first. How am I going to fake it for that long. Then I started faking it... then enjoying the results... no need to fake it anymore... felt better about myself... realized I am a great person in all respects... not sure if I want to surround myself with the likes of my wife anymore... started to feel ok with the idea of just being with the kids and not having her negativity around...

I went to a party for our neighbor last night with the kids. The wife had to work so couldn't go. I was really glad she wasn't going to be there so that I could just have a good time with friends. I HAD A BLAST!!! I got TONS of compliments on my weight loss. A couple people actually telling me "man, you look HOT!" What a great feeling!

So whatever happens... happens. The wife can be a part of my success story, or not... either way...

IT'S A SUCCESS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel ya on the negativity - mine does alot of that

she goes over to her ex mother in laws all the time and wants nothing to do with me and my daughter...unless she is taking her with her, which i prevent by keeping my daughter busy all the time.

its sad, but i pretty much have to sit back and wait for her to make mistakes. i hate it...
this fog sucks...and in my case i may have to actually divorce her before she comes out...

My wife told me that she told her SIL and brother about our problems and her affairs. Her SIL, who she usually can't stand, told her "you're only human" regarding the affairs. She ate it up.

Every single thing she does she justifies somehow. Today, my daughter told her that if she had to choose who to live with, she would choose me. My wife got all bent out of shape and started making excuses to my daughter for her poor excuse for motherhood. Then came to me and said "maybe if I was happy in my marriage I'd have a better relationship with my daughter". CONSTANTLY placing the blame of her behavior on everyone else. It's really unbelievable.

Then walking away she said that "maybe I should get some adovant and some insulin nand lock myself in the bathroom so nobody will have to worry about me anymore". My daughter was shocked and started crying.

I'm contemplating just somehow getting her to leave the house for a while. I can't have the kids in this environment all the time.

Sadly, I'm thinking that in this case, divorce may be the answer. The only thing I'll accept is my wife making some MAJOR changes in her life. She's completely lost, in complete denial of anything she contributed to our situation, and now she's damaging our daughter but blaming EVERYONE and ANYONE else.

Sad... truly sad...

I feel sick about that one. "you're only human??" her SIL is sick in the head.

Every single thing she does she justifies somehow. Today, my daughter told her that if she had to choose who to live with, she would choose me.
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I like your daugters attitude! Before this happened you must have taught her very well about right and wrong, and now shes just calling it she sees it based on what her parents taught her.



This is typical. The world is against her and its out of her control. Don't feel bad for her.



Yep, I've heard meth addicts say the same kinds of things


Trying to get you to feel sorry for her. You working on yourself and seeming to be just fine must be getting to her. It may be a tactic to get you to slide back

She's completely lost, in complete denial of anything she contributed to our situation, and now she's damaging our daughter but blaming EVERYONE and ANYONE else.

Sad... truly sad...


theres a bright side to this Walt, your kids are NOT terminally ill, your NOT terminally ill, and it seems like you have the conviction to see to it to do something about it. I know, its hard watching someone wreck themselves and you can't do anything about it BUT I like what i hear when you tell me about your progress and I think its great that your ADVANCING, instead of joining your spouse in self destructive behavior. Keep it up!!

BTW how are your finances? do you have a emergency fund of (minimum) $1000 up to 3/6 months of expenses?
Are credit cards secured/canceled and do you have a different bank account?

Things got very heated last night. After my wife's outburst about suicide, I really took a step back to evaluate the situation. I revisited my Plan A behavior realizing I'd slipped up a bit. This week I'm going to focus on diet and exercise even more to get the final 20 pounds off.

My daughter said to me that she wishes people knew what it was actually like to live with her mother. She said she wanted to tell her grandparents (wife's parents). I encouraged her to do it only if she felt comfortable with it. The asked her "where's this coming from"... as if I fed her some lines about her mother... I didn't...

I'm going to keep my communication with her parents to a minimum and not call to complain or update them on the behavior of their daughter. They know enough at this point. I'm sure she's talked to them today about my daughter's conversation with them.

I called my SIL and left a message. I want to talk to her, but not to tell my side of the story. I want to tell her that we (my SIL and I) have always had a rough relationship, but that recently, I've felt closer to her and was glad that we could talk so much about our family, lives, etc. I wanted to tell her that should this work out, I look forward to being closer with her and her family.

I'm going to take the positive route whenever possible and become the person that I truly want to be. Loving, compassionate, helpful, attractive, level-headed, and reliable. It's going to be a good week...

I just called my SIL and talked to her saying that I was sorry how our relationship was and that I hope that if it works out we can be close.

I did fill her in on some things that I didn't expect to talk about giving her some details that the wife "conveniently" left out of the story. She was shocked... absolutely shocked.

Talking with her made me feel really good. I feel like I made an excellent decision.

My wife is leaving today...

What have you done to improve yourself?

Next time she does this in front of your daughter, take her seriously. Call the police and tell them your WW is threatening suicide. They'll come and may take her away for a mandatory 24-72 hour evaluation. At the very least there'll be a record of it, which can only help your case for custody.

I'd check with Mr. Wondering before doing this though.

Thanks for the tip. I spoke briefly with her this morning and she admitted that that was a stupid thing to say. This is the FIRST time she's admitted that she's done anything stupid and didn't try to justify it. Could it be her head poking through the thick fog? Who knows... I don't try to predict anymore.

Lost 25 lbs... became more active and look alot better - got back into church with my daughter and she is learning scriptures. Showed her I can take what she is dishing out without acting on it with my tongue.

The reason she is leaving is her ex-husband - she is denying it... but do the math> her kids even told me that when she is at that house most of the time she is with their daddy... and she spends more time there the last few months... she told me that he has been trying to get her back and that they were talking. Her dad even told me that she told him that she was talking to him...

So she can deny it all she wants... I know that she asked to borrow the money to do all this back in MAY and now she got it... seems funny how it took 3 months of using me beofre she could tell me the truth (well partially)