Where is it?

Can you leave a link to it here?

My FIL called me last night. I haven't called in him several days. He called me to let me know that he got a hole in one on the golf course! Sweet!

He asked how I was doing and I told him my attitude toward the situation. He said that he talked to my wife yesterday and sounded better.

I think he was surprised by my general change in tone and demeanor.

We go to counseling on Monday morning at 8:00AM. I'm looking forward to it.

It was nice chatting with ya the other day. Hope you didn't find offense at my joke. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:):) about that thing towards the end <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I can't wait for the day when you announce a de-fogging has occured and that you can safely say you are in recovery. Its a good thing you have the InLaws calling you. Thats a big plus, when so many Inlaws usually don't like each other.

Best of luck Walt!

Walt how is the WW today? update

Haven't spoken to the WW today. I usually don't instigate contact unless necessary. I speak through my actions.

I'm getting the paperwork together later today to put our vacation house on the market. Either way, it's gone... so sad, but so liberating at the same time.

I also get my wisdom teeth out today. Only two and they're easily removed. Maye 10 seconds for each tooth. Just yanking them out.

I really have bonded with my inlaws over this crisis. It will be very uncomfortable for my wife to actually go through with divorce, but I'm not going to consider that she's not going to do it. As a matter of fact, if I ever said "I don't think you'll do it", she'd only take it as a dare and do it for spite. Yes, she's THAT spiteful.

I have good moments and bad, but mostly good. For some reason, when I picture her with the other men, I picture myself during that time and what I was like... who I was. Then I consider who I am now and it seems like I was actually not the same person. Very weird. It's like I was trapped inside someone I didn't want to be.

Today, even a short time after learning about this I've transformed into the person that was inside me for so long.

I know it sounds like psycho-babble, but its truly how I view the whole thing.

Peace.

good for you walt.

She'd bite off her nose to spite her face huh? Has she always been like that? What was she like when you met her?

Actually, she's been that way for a long time. If she doesn't get her way, she will try to hurt you, pout, scream, throw a temper tantrom.

I guess this was just an extension of that behavior. Once she did something once and got away with it, she really seemed to be open to doing it again and again. She said that all but the first event three years ago, the other happened during the course of one year. She was with one guy she liked from work 3 or 4 times (only oral sex according to her... like that's not as bad as full intercourse), and 4 or 5 times with the second guy.

My concern is the lack of remorse. She seemed to do something, then follow it up the next day with a phone call. With the 3 or 4 time guy, she "dumped" him because she went out with the next guy who she's had her eye on for some time. She used and got used... She really just doesn't care about how she effects people as long as SHE gets what she wants.

I KNOW she needs to get counseling on this as part of repairing our marriage, but one step at a time I guess.

This spiteful, selfish behavior is what makes me wonder if I'd be better off without her at times. I'm afraid that she won't change, but I'm more afraid of her not caring about changing.

I overthink things in general, but this just BEGS to be overthought.

One of the things that stays in my mind is that I feel like I don't know her... or that I DO know her but was hoping she would be different.

Now that I think about it, when we met, she was dating another guy for a while (we met young... she was 17 and I was 19). But she had the courtesy to break up with the other guy before we went out... I think. But the fact of the matter is, that was then, this is now. Marriage isn't supposed to be that way.

When we were buying the second home, she hoped that it would be a bonding... and it was to an extent. Then I guess it wore off and she told me she wanted a divorce. What poor decision making! How would that go? Would it be like "I'll try buying a HOUSE and see if it helps..." DUH!!!

Now I'm ranting...

Last night I told the wife I'd be home around 5:30 or 6:00. I left my cell phone at my desk and didn't end up leaving the office until 6:00.

I went back to my desk and had 5 missed calls from my wife! When I called her, she started asking "where were you, why didn't you answer your cell phone, I called the office and they said you weren't back yet, etc."

If she doesn't love me, wants a divorce, why did she even care? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

She mentioned last night that she wanted to go out with friends but felt like she couldn't go. I told her I think she should take a break for a while, then realized that is NOT Plan A speak. I was upset that I said it for a second. Then I said I didn't care if she went... it was up to her. She started saying that nothing ever happened when out with friends, which isn't true.

I then realized that NOTHING she could do would be worse than what she's already done. I'm not going to push her to go, but if she wants to go I'm not going out I'm not going to stop her. I haven't been out with friends for years now. Tonight I'm going out with a buddy and his friends. Should be fun. I hope she's wondering all night about what I'm doing, where I am, if I'm talking to another woman, etc.

I have NO intention of cheating or trying to meet another woman... I just want her to squirm a little.

I look great today by the way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

if it squirms then its alive (love)......5 missed calls? vey interesting.

Yep. Two from her cell phone and three from our home phone. That's not counting the call to the office phone, so I guess its actually six calls.

hey being fiercely independent and still loving your family is what i realize might bring WW around. I agree with the others.

God make her please call you a bit more.....

probably figure that if she could do this to you then........

Oh Well, continue being a lighthouse.

Yeah, she's thinking "what comes around goes around".

I'm not that type of person. I like being able to look in the mirror at myself and RESPECT what I see.

I honestly don't know how she did what she did and was still able to look me in the eyes.

Someday the guilt will hit her like a ton of bricks. But I'll still be there to help dig her out...

No phone calls or questions while out. Just got up. Mixed thoughts on the way home last night.

Hoping for a good day... not counting on it.

Welp, we all went shopping today. My daughter brought a friend, and my wife went off by herself, and I went off with my son. When I met up with my wife in one of the stores, she said that the girls were off looking around and that my son and I should do the same. I took that as "go away". So I did.

However, throughout the day there were some good moments. She tried on some jeans and asked if I liked them, tried on a shirt and asked if I liked it. She just seems so distant and almost a little annoyed all the time. I keep Plan Aing it... again, mostly for me, but knowing that its the consistent behavior while giving her space that matters.

Got our first counseling session on Monday morning at 8:00 AM. Should be interesting.

Found some mail hidden under His Needs, Her Needs at my wife's night table. They were old letters from my wife to her parents talking about our life together, raising a family, etc.

Don't know what impact it had on the wife. She didn't mention them to me.

Today I went to church with the kids, went food shopping, mowed the lawn, had my daughter clean the garage, blew off the driveway, made dinner for me and the kids (she was leaving early for work), and now I'm going to power wash the house.

She was more pleasant and conversational today. Not overly conversational. Just more like normal. Not so abrupt.

Plan A. I love it!

The next time I see her will be at our counseling in the morning. No CLUE how this is going to go.

Waltw, Your doing a great job stay strong stay vigilant. I wish my WW was going in the direction yours is.

The letters were sent to her by her parents. I left that out. Like I said, not sure the impact.

But it does remind ME that my wife wasn't always this way. She was a really big-hearted, God-loving person at one point. It's been such a slow decline.

Giving her as much space as I possibly can. I think that it helps... if not, it doesn't hurt and allows me to distance myself from the harsh words she uses when she feels trapped.

It's been a busy weekend. I have some work to do, then hang with the kids for a while before bed.

Thanks for all your prayers... it's like I can almost feel them sometimes.

Oh, any thoughts on what to expect next in this saga? I see that there tends to be a pattern with these things. I'm sure there will be a fork in the road at some point where you either end it, or head toward recovery... or maybe it's like one fork after another.

Any thoughts?