I would also hasten to add.. IMO at least that your PERSONAL recovery process are little victories too.. Personal recovery doesn't happen all at once either.

I haven't been able to get many LV's in dealing with WW.. I can count some phone conversations that have gone on longer than necessary.. but other than that.. nothing really to speak of... but in terms of my PERSONAL growth.. it's been LV after LV.. which is also PROGRESS.

TMTS,

Yeah, I know how those relapses can take the wind out of your sails. My W relapsed after 13 months. I though it was going to kill me. Of course I hadn't found MB till after that, and understanding how absolutely typical it all was is what helped me more than anything.

Mark

Great thread Mark. I would be happy with a Micro Victory at this point.

Jamesus, I have had a LV (Large Victory) since this all went down hill. I have finally dealt with and talked to my F about the pain I had when he became a WS. I carried that for 25 years. So in a way my WW is helping me grow up emotionally.

Oy.. now -that- is progress to the extreme.

I'm sure that took a lot of guts.

It was easier than I thought because when I exposed to my parents and my WW's the two Fathers took it the hardest. She's talked to her father once since (my MIL, is more upset about this than my M). But my F was devastated because it brought back the memories. For the first time I emotionally felt like I was taking to him Man to Man. Not the 14 year old emotionally stunted kid.
This alone will let me move towards tearing down the wall I had build to keep everybody at arms length.
Now I just have to hope my WW comes out of the fog early enough for me to show her the real me.

Last week I spoke with J Harley about my poor plan A. As part of the plan she helped me draft a letter explaining why the sudden change in behavior. It goes like this.

My Dearest WW
A light bulb has gone on for me. In the last weeks I have been learning so much and understanding so much. I see things more clearly now and know my hearts desire, and direction that I would prefer. The change you have seen in me over the last few days is because I am looking ahead at recovering our marriage, and if you choose us I am 100% committed to protect you from any thoughtless behavior. I want to be a source of your happiness. I don't think we are done and I hope we cannot only survive but thrive. I desire to live my life with you and rebuild a new marriage. I desire to live my life with you and rebuild a new marriage. I desire to raise our children together in the same household. I desire you!
With all my love.
BS

I left the letter on her pillow in the basement. We talked during her lunchtime the next day and she thanked me for the letter saying that it was nice. Tonight I look over at the table next to the bed, and the letter was gone. I thought, well it was worth a try. But then I remembered that she has a drawer that she keeps cards and letters. So I check, and the letter was there, folded and in the envelope.

Am I crazy to think that this could qualify as a small LV or am I just getting my hopes up too high?

TMTS,

Yep, I think it qualifies. Just don't try to bypass the other 10000 you need to be recovered, OK?

While it is a good sign and definitely worth having hope over, don't push for too much too fast. I mean your user name says it all... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Absolutely... I'm still buzzing about the talk I had with my F. That was much bigger to me right now. Like a friend told me, you only have one Father; you can always get another wife.

TMTS,

I don't think I'd put that on her Christmas card from you... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Mark

IDWAD,

I posted this a long time ago.

Not2Fun, you might want to read this too.

Bump again...

I want to be sure you see this IDWAD and Not.

Mark

I'll pay for an advance copy.

Thank you, Mark.