Post deleted by LowOrbit

Probably not too high of an expectation, just too soon to be expecting anything from her.

Things take time Low.

Decide if it's really what you want, and then start acting accordingly...

knowing that it will be awhile before she gets through withdrawal and all that good stuff.

Don't expect anything, just act the part of what you want hoping that eventually she jumps on board.

Low,

Can you take the day off a go do something fun? Kind of get your mind off of stuff? Sorry I don't know what else to say. Hope you get some good news today.

"I just wonder if I have too high an expectation...

I don't know what's going on."

Low, you have been through so much since I've known you here on MB. Trying to heal your M from the FWS point of view. Dealing with residual good feelings about the OW. Dealing with your W ending the M and then finding out she was a WS first in the M. Trying to move on and rebuild your life. Now this recent drama in which your W became an OW and in all of this you discovering you still love her. WOW, that's a lot, don't ya think?

If I've been learning anything over the past 2 years it's that I can't control anything but myself. If you believe in God or a Higher Power why not give this up, let it go? If you have been honest with your W about your feelings and desire to reconcile then the next move is hers. You deserve to have her full cooperation and committment to recovery. You deserve to have her be fully with you in this process. You can't rush this. If she takes too long and you've moved on, then so be it. JMHO here. I could be totally screwed up in my thinking. Wishing you the best outcome, whatever that is!

Low, I don't have any words of wisdom to offer you...but I just want to let you know I've read your posts and I trust things will work out between you and your family and that you and your W will reconcile. As weaver has said...be patient...and give her some time. I'm sure everything will work out and come together in the end. I will pray that this will happen...

If it may help to "lift up" your mood a little, please read the "For encouragement" link in my signature line. (I'm going to send something new to that thread soon - so be on the lookout for it!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Greeting from the Gauteng part of South-Africa (although I wish I could be near the beach like you)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Does your coffee still taste good?

Suzet

Orbit,

Even after all that’s transpired, here you are, extending a helping hand. I would suspect that a girl would be pretty lucky to have a guy like you. Alas, you don’t want someone else; you want your wife back.

How is it Orbit that you can maintain a love for your wife or STBXW?

To answer your question, your expectations are likely too high. You have set yourself up for disappointment hence your post.

Orbit, play it cool dude. You have traveled to the point where if something moves forward with your wife then so be-it, otherwise, live your life. Best advice is to keep your options open, see how the hand unfolds.

You are receptive to her overtures and that is enough. No need to take the lead, that action must be initiated by her. If something good happen then “all the better”, if not, then you are prepared.

In the meantime continue to build a new life for yourself. A life that will serve you no matter what happens. I know that does not ease your aching heart but it is the best choice available to you. It will pay dividends if you keep up the fight for yourself.

Where do you think her head is at these days? What is your “objective” view?

Just my two-cents,

Mr. G

Thanks for the perspective...there is such a temptation to place everything else on hold in the hope that we could rebuild it...

I have to accept that there's only so much I can do at this point.

I think I'll go shopping this evening and buy gifts for wife and girls...I think that would help me feel better.

Yes, the coffee is still wonderful...I've come to love African blends...they are unique...

Hi LO!

The gifts sound like a nice idea. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Try to be patient... you've been examining yourself for years, your wife needs some catch-up time. Think standard Plan A stuff in the mean time: maybe focus gifts on her top EN's and dont appear too needy. Maintain the charming persona <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> and hang loose. Find some things to distract yourself and keep you busy. This didnt fall apart quickly, it will not be resolved quickly. I am sorry you are down today.

Have some of that great coffee for me! I'm very jealous <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> - Dru

LO,

Hope you are feeling better. I agree with Dru. You are way ahead of your W in perspective, self analysis and personal recovery. Try not to rush her.

Oh, re: "Yes, the coffee is still wonderful...I've come to love African blends...they are unique..."

I'm intrigued. Do you know if there ss there a brand, or source, of SA coffee in the US?

I don't know if there's a specific brand in the US...I know you can get African blends (mostly Kenyan) at Starbucks...

There are growers here in SA, but I haven't tried their coffee yet...I've heard of a place called Beaver Creek that processes several blends.

I like the east african varieties...they can put a little swizzle in the stick...

Got the goodies...

I bought jewelry...probably spent way too much but all of my girls have always thought diamonds are a girls best friend.

Tried to find something that was distinctly South African but that's hard to find! It's almost all European styles here! I asked one sales person and she wondered why I would be interested in that when they had the best France had to offer.

Oh well..

Hi Low,

I always thought a good man is a girls' best friend.
But then again, my EN #1 is doing things together <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.
Just joking..
I hope you're taking care of yourself?
Getting enough rest, good food and good friends? (yes mum!)

All jokes apart..
I hope you're feeling better.

Low,

Just wanted to peek in and ask how you're doing. Have you heard from your W yet? Maybe during the weekend?

Hope you're taking good care of yourself and keeping the “bright” side up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Suzet

Actually, I'm glad you asked!

Wife called this morning and asked if my offer was still open. She want to come and stay for about a month!!!

I tried not to fall all over myself with enthusiasm...and talked here through what she needs to do to get passports updated and visas approved.

I only have a two bedroom flat! I will probably rent my daughters an efficiency to stay in while they are here.

More later, Lo

My father was a professor at the university in CapeTown. How interesting this all is.

LO, slow and steady. Gently romanctic gestures. Let them be and feel natural. Not forced. And please, remember your boundaries.

AND SMILE, ALOT. People that smile are just simply more FUN to be around, and usually are also more attractive.

Low, just wanted to let you know I hope this all works out for you and your family.

Take care!
HTW

Low, this is WONDERFULL news - I'm so happy for you (and your W)! This is a very good start and I have a very good feeling about all this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Now your coffee will taste EXTRA good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Take care.

Yay!!! Good news indeed.

To add to what Rookev said -

"act as if"

Kind of like dressing for the part.

"act as if" you already have what you desire, meaning don't react to how she acts, just play your part and play it well.

I know that makes sense somehow, even if I am not saying it like it does.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

how lovely!

Pep

Good for you, Low. Makes me feel happy.

This might be one of those Plan A like times where you don't have any R discussions.

Just be with your family.

With prayers,