Thanks, AmI, I think last night happened for a reason...lesson learned perhap...

Not I have to tell everyone that this garage thing is a first for me too. I mean I'm good at building things and stuff like that, but I have NEVER tore a wall down and repaired the existing walls.

I have this great idea I came up with on the way to work for a desk/table in there and I'm trying to form out the plan in my head. Talk about a HUGE STEP toward my passion...so AmI, I'm hoping your right about being amazing...I wish I had taken a before pic...

Anyway, on the desk I've got an idea for making two cabinets on either side and am now wondering if I can incoporate some pull drawers...all without spending any money...just recycling what I have available...

I'm proud now, but if I could pull that off...I would SOOO be on cloud nine!

Okay...I'm getting excited about it...

:giggling and smiling like the chesher cat:

Rin,

When I feel needy, and that shame of feeling needy, I've learned to ask myself...what am I not giving myself right now? My attention...is it on what I can control? My focus, is it in the present?

I believed the shame of my neediness came in the burden form...I'm too much for others...living externally...draining them down...against their will.

You can see where that belief gets in conflict with reality.

How about a relaxation ritual after the kids are asleep? Where each step is part of setting your mind on you, caring for yourself as if you were a small child, at bedtime?

You are body-deep in the circumstance of living a reality your mind very much wants to be different...please keep posting your way through...not needy at all...sharing you ripples around the world, Rin, I promise.

LA

Rin,

I know I am the greatest. I have been able to bring lemonade to every single get together we have been to over the last 3 years and still have gallons of it left from all of the lemonade I have been able to make from all of the lemons life has handed me.

It is easy to look at every sitch and find the negatives and focus on them. What is hard is finding the positive and focusing on that.

Accentuate the positive - decentuate the negative. That is a song.

Taking those positives and trying to build them into something special is what is hard.

Now you have time to do all of the projects you want to done. Who knows maybe you having this time will let you get it all done and then boom H is off of the night shift and there are no more projects taking away from your time together. HMMM.

Bike night was getting to be a little stressful for you. A little conflict. That is now gone right now.

H will be sleeping when the HN wants something done. Not bad. Maybe him doing this will make detaching from that person easier.

Lots of positives here. Hang on to them then take the negative and figure out how to make the time you do have together very special.

"you are body-deep in the circumstance of living a reality your mind very much wants to be different..."

I had to read this one a few times before I went ..OH...blonde moment! LOL

I'm very aware that yesterday's feelings are fear based...I was in shock...i have mentioned to H that him going nights was not something I wanted...then it came...hard one to swallow...similiar to AmI worst fear about the kids...

I am most certainly in a different place then I was over a year ago...i can remember welcoming the opportunity to not be around him...begging for the opportunity to do the things I wanted too...now here I am...

...scared that all my hard work of exposing the A and everything else that I have done can simply be erased by a change in his schedule...not in my control...the thought had crossed my mind to call his boss about it by I didn't...

The hardest part is knowing that he was meeting OW when I was at work...I never knew any different and was wondering how would I know the difference now if he chose to do that...thing is i have his behavior to fall back on...

I'm aware of the difference in how he treated me and why he treated me that way...

I can look at it objectivily today...it really made me feel better when I went home for lunch and H was sleeping...I have to have faith that he will not chose to make the same poor choices he has in the past...I really don't think that this A will start up again...or at least I'm praying...but I do fear another...

I wonder from time to time if H has learned his lesson...we can all hope that the consequences of exposure are enough for our WSs to see that we are not going to be a doormat...if it happen were to happen again...I would have to problem exposing...not think twice about it...would probably do it better...

There again...that's not focusing on the present...that's my own fear based fantasy in my head...

I've chosen to keep FWH in my life...I know I can live without him...I don't know of many women like me who can handle minor car repair, carpentry, and crabbing, hunting...I have everything I need to take care of my boys should something happen to H...we've planned it that way because he has a dangerous job...

I want him around for as long as I can have him but I don't know if I can go through another A...

Like you said LA...I have to know that he is aware and capable of making his own choices...H could have easily said No when they asked him about working nights...He said last week that he was sorry, that he felt he had put us in this position...I asked him if he could control what happen, he said no...Then I asked why do you feel responsible...he nodded...

To him this is his way of setting the record straight from last week...I have to think about it this way...I enjoy being financial secure...H is trying to provide that by working night which has an increase in pay...He's meeting a need...

Lemonade...I'll have to keep that thought in mind...anyone know how to wire up security lights? LOL

Rin -- how are you doing tonight?
It'll get a little easier and easier as you get more used to it.

How did things go with him today? Did you get to see him before you had do leave this morning? Maybe even time for some breakfast?

Just checking in on you. I'm headed to the gym in a minute ... gotta get out of the house!

-AmI.

HI, I'm doing good tonight...in the garage building his desk/work station! I did get to see him this morning, but poor heart was so tired. We talked for a little while...he fell asleep on the sofa. I told him to go ahead and take his shower but he didn't want to distribute of route. I woke him up a little while later and told him the kids were out of the bathroom.

So, he went shower and I covered the windows really good so he could sleep. We chitchatted a few more minutes then the kids and I had to go. I called him a little after four and he had just got up!

I didn't get to see him before I had to bring OS to religion class, orientation tonight! However, we got to see him a few minutes when we brought him supper. I showed him OS's grades...they came up since last week...he's still punished but not spanking from Dad tonight.

A co-worker's W is cooking fried pork chops for them but he said for me to bring what I cooked anyway.

So all in all, things are good...with me anyway...I'm going work some more in the garage and then I'll be back after I shower. Let's see if I can amaze myself with this table?!?!

I'm already going to have to modify the height, I'm an inch higher than I wanted to be...good thing that's easily solved. LOL

Well, H just called wanted to let me know that someone was interested in buying my bike...I said that was fine with me...I don't have time to finish learning how to ride right now anyway...But I would leave the final decision up to him...

We have talked about picking out me a HD this coming year after the car and a loan is paid off...we could use the money from the bike to pay off the loan quicker.

He knows what going on with our finances...he said alright we'll see...I hate to see the thing just sitting in the garage...waiting on me...

He asked what I was up too...I told him working in the garage...didn't tell what it was on...said I might hide all the key so he can't go in there...he said I better change the locks...

Well, I would like to get to a stopping point...so I'm off again...be back later!

Okay, I've had a really good night...nothing to think about except my project...it's not the design I had in mind when I started but I think it will work out better...

I've tired myself out and am ready to go to sleep...tomorrow I have orientation for YS's program...H.I.P.P.Y.

I'm not sure if anyone knows what that is but I get lesson plans and teach him at home...preparing him for school...I did it last year and wasn't going to but I got a call today and decided to go for it...YS won the boy's nike and the graduation ceremony last year...LOL...he's still to little to ride it...

He's four still in 3T clothes...LOL...takes after his mom...poor child...we're vertically changelled like FWH puts it...I'm 4'11"...hopefully he'll be taller...H is 5'10"...

Heck, OS has 11 more inches and he's got me! Boy they grow so fast!

I'll probably finish the work station tomorrow and might start on some shelves or something...depending on how I feel...

Today's been a good day...Thanks to all of you and lemonade! Have a great night! I appreciate you all.

AmI...I hope you had a great workout! I'm shower and off to bed!

Good Morning everyone! I was thinking back to the topic of enmeshment and went back to review all of our previous posts.

I came to the conclusion that H working nights can be viewed as an opportunity for me to untangle some of that enmeshment and to self-differentiate.

I'm sure that this will be a lesson again for me in the future...or did I just learn that lesson again and didn't realize it? Anyway, same theme...

I got to see H this morning for a little while...we're not the breakfast sort, so I don't think that's going to work bt we do sit down and visit. Better than nothing. I asked if he wanted to see the garage and we walked out. I forgot what he said but he did made a comment back inside saying that the garage was just going to be a holding place until he was 70. Something about not being able to enjoy it!

I let the comment slide...sounded like he was venting...

Oh, we did talk about how long he would be working night and he seems to think that it may be three weeks...I said it sounded like till Christmas. H said he didn't think so, but you never can tell with them.

Morning, Rin...

Only have a "good thinking" to contribute about doing the garage project and while you do, pondering enmeshment...finding something positive in what seems to be utterly negative.

Good job...keep posting please...oh, and one thought...you both may not have been breakfast people before...but it's now FWH's supper before bed, isn't it? What you weren't before, you might be now...might be another lesson within the lesson or something...I dunno...just thought of that so I threw it out there.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

La- That's cool! I appreciate the thought!


I can tell you that I was really nervous this morning after I left for work wondering what he was going to do...

Well, at 10:30 I had to run home to get something for my boss and his truck and bike was there...I didn't go in the house...first off I use the boss' vehicle and I didn't have my keys...but it comforted me just knowing he was home...

I was just behind OW's bus that she drives! OMG! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I have never seen her bus...then today...BAM!

Rin

BTW lemonade and Vodka really work in the tough times. LOL.

See you found a positive with the enmeshment thing.

In AA my FWW tells me they say "This to shall pass"

Not a bad way to think about it.

That's cute! HL!

I've been wondering how have I been working on myself recently...can we consider the work in the garage? It's strenghting my talent and passion...I'm proving to myself I am capable of doing a big project...that's what the self-diff. is right?

I have been trying not to DJ...no one here has called anything to my attention so I think I'm doing well in that department...I hope! LOL

I do feel distant from H...I was thinking about that earlier on the way home...he's so busy when we bring him his lunch...we talk for about five minutes and he rushing off...night shift is usually more easy going and the last time he was happy to see me and would stand around and talk...not this time...

I asked him if he would like to eat something when he gets home...he said it would be nice...I'll see what I can do about that...

When I went to give him his lunch he said he was starving and wisjed I had made him some sandwiches...I said I did...he replied Thank you and let me get back to work.

I don't know I'm on night 3...feeling lonely at this minute but I'm going to change that in a minute by going work outside...I'm trying to get the kids settled.

being that I'm not in the greatest of moods...I'm going to nose around the board a little and head to the garage...

You are doing just fine. I hope that this working on different schedules isn't going to last forever. It is very hard on a marriage.

Hi Rin,
Just popped into say "hey"
My FWH is in Puerto Rico this week. I miss the jerk...

I've got to head to bed soon. Since school started our schedule has been turned upside down. My DS14 is in high school now and needs to be at the bus stop at 6:30 AM. He pretty much gets himself ready but I like to see him off. I am not a morning person by nature. But getting an early start on the day I get a ton of stuff done before I go to work. In the evening after dinner and dishes and homework, I work on painting trim. 12 windows...yuck.

When my FWH gets back we plan to go out for dinner. We really need to have a talk...but me being CA I am not looking forward to it...I don't want to sabotage a night out. Its the craziest thing being afraid to talk to the person that should be the closest to me.

I was reading the thread by comfortably numb and so much of it sounds like me & FWH. Except the SF part...that seems to be one of the only things we do really well together. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Look out everyone...ChaCha's a hot MOMMA...hey over here...Yeah, I said ChaCha's a hot MOMMA....MBers gone wild coming soon! LMAO

I'm still laughing at AmI WH comments about taking care of the kids and "his plans."

I feel for you on the painting...I'd rather be covered in sawdust...hehehe...thanks for popping in...

You know it's funny...I've been triggered my schoolbus since dday...looking for that number...looking hard...I don't know why...I just did..
well, today there it was right in front of my car and I did nothing...Oh, I thought about flipping her off or something, but I didn't...mainly flipping her off...

Thinking about it now, I'm glad I didn't...would hate for her to know I think that much of her. To be honest...I would love in inflict bodily harm...but that won't happen...I can still dream int iems like this and feel sorry for her later...LOL

Well, thanks for stopping by...good to hear from you...take care CC!

LOL!Yeah thats me!LOL!... kind of like the sultry librarian...or nurse in my case!

A week after I exposed A to OWH I saw her car parked on the side of the road by her parents house. I had a strong urge to side swipe her car. That same week OWH was at an opposing traffic light w/ WH. He had an urge for head on collision. If my FWH ever shows up w/ a key mark down the side...

Alien plans don't make much sense...I'm glad AmIOK is able to see that.

Rin,

Anything you enjoy doing is working on yourself. It is giving you me time. If you have no ulterior motives in doing it then you are fine. Ulterior motive (see how much I do). I don't think that is the case with you but I thought it worth mentioning.

To each his/her own with enjoyment in life. I sound like a big kid but I like playing with my boys and their friends. Wiffle ball, football etc. I have not uleterior motive in doing it I do it because I enjoy it.

I would say you are doing great on the DJ's as well. I still see the enmeshment.


Why do you think it wasn't easy going and he wasn't happy to see you? Could it be external pressure not related to you at all?

Just my thoughts. Who knows it could be because of you! but I doubt it.

"Why do you think it wasn't easy going and he wasn't happy to see you? Could it be external pressure not related to you at all?"

You're right...it's external pressure...not about me, about him...the job's a rush...Thanks HL...for everything...

No, I don't have any other motive on the project...I like to build...I'm gettin enjoyment out of coming up with ideas, being creative, and seeing what I'M capable of! By the time, it's all said and done...everything will have a home...I like being organized...when I look for something I expect it to be there...

I just lose the rest of my post...

ChaCha- I'm glad that I'm not the only one with thought like that! LMAO I'd like the librarian over the nurse! LOL

Well, H told me I could wake him up at lunch...I'll see! And I've ask to get off early today by two hours. I can't come in late because there's no one to replace me, but I CAN get off early.

Oh, and this morning, I cooked an egg, cheese, and sauage sandwich. I'm glad it was quick because H woke me up 45 mintues late. I don't know what time he got home.

Hopefully, I can left early today...I would like to make it a weekly thing until H goes back days. That way I can "wake" him up, meet some ENs, take a "nap", all without the kids around...the skies the limit! RMFAO