Just checking in. I'll probably be moving my business to the after divorce/dating forum, but I knew you guys would want to know what happened last night.

My neighborfriend went shopping with me Tuesday and helped me pick out a really cute outfit, complete with new shoes and jewelry. I felt great and very confident with the new duds. I hired a college kid to babysit DD (which went awesome, by the way... I think I've found a permanent sitter!)

Surprisingly, I wasn't nervous until I got to the bar last night. It was fundraising event for the American Cancer Society. One of my friends works with ACS and convinced me to go, and man, I'm glad she did. I speed-dated with 7 guys, three minutes each, three of whom I wouldn't mind getting to know better. Plus, I even made a good business contact and caught up with some female friends I hadn't seen in a while.

It was a lot of fun. You have no idea how fast 3 minutes is until you just get engrossed in conversation and that bell rings! In case you don't know how it works, the ladies sit at numbered tables, and every three minutes, a new guy comes to the table. Everyone has score cards, and you check off how you feel about everyone... friend, 2nd date, business or no thanks. The organizers then go over the cards, and if you have a mutual match, you get each other's contact info. There were only 2 guys I said "no thanks" to. One was a police officer (ew, no cops) who only talked about working out. The other was a redneck who talked about hunting and fishing (not good, when you're a vegetarian!)

The very first guy was awesome. I think he was the cutest guy there, and I could tell he was nervous, too. He has a great job and some cool hobbies. He said he was trying to meet new people because he broke up with his live-in GF. We must have really hit it off, because he WALKED ME TO MY CAR at the end of the night!! Yep. I was there talking shop with my ACS friend, and he was in the group of folks one table over. I got up to leave, and so did he. It was like he was waiting for me. He was parked on the other side of downtown, but he walked me to my car. It was one of those walks where you're so busy talking that one of you has to say, "turn here." When we got to the car, he said "Hopefully I checked you off and you checked me off and we'll be exchanging phone numbers soon." I replied with I hope so. *Sigh* I floated home. I know he was talking to a bunch of other people, and I think I even saw him get some other woman's phone number, but I still think this is pretty cool. He didn't walk HER to her car!!

The other two guys I liked are web designers who own a company together, one of whom knows one of my dance friends. I also talked to a really fun out-of-state film student, a guy who runs a local radio talk show and freelances for the newspaper (the business contact), and a couple more guys after the speed dating was over.

I got home and called my aunt and neighbor friend. My aunt was so surprised and happy I went. She said, "So you dated 7 guys tonight... and XH has only scr#wed one girl!" I guess it's not really in my character to do something like this b/c I've always been shy. But man, I had fun and didn't even think about my XH.

You go Girl!

Sounds like a whole lot of fun. I am pleased for you. I liked the way your Aunty summed things up.

Me I have a hunky neighbour 2 doors down, and even though I am not ready to be with someone else (and heck he is that good looking he probably has women falling over him), there is no harm in looking. He was mowing his back lawn the other day, so I just had to go upstairs and get me a look from my window... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good to hear from you, I was wondering where you had been.

OMG!!! This is SOOO cool! I was excited for you just reading you post! I am so glad you had a good time and a good experience. Speaking from my experience, I think you will find that, as time goes on, you gain a whole new, very positive outlook on life. You deserve this, Shimmy, its time to come back to life and do things for yourself, in addition to DD.

Regards,

BB

Thanks, guys. What struck me is that all three of those guys I liked (especially guy #1) were better looking and nicer than XH. Heck, when I saw who would be at my table first (the guy who ended up walking me to my car afterward), I got nervous b/c he WAS so cute. (and why can't I stop thinking about him???)

I guess this is something I should've started my earlier post with.... what I did for myself the night before the speed dating. I actually had a little conversation with myself in the mirror. I've always thought affirmations were silly, but I really did feel better after I did it.... something like this:

"I am a good person. I am smart, funny, talented and beautiful. I am a good mother, and I work hard. I deserve to be happy. I know that if I want to be happy again, I have to let go of XH and all of his drama. When I feel upset by his actions, he has control over me. I'm letting someone control me, someone I don't even respect. Well, no more. I am finished with that. I have to accept XH for what he is. He is going to do what he wants to do and he has to live with the consequences of his choices. He is not my problem anymore. I have to let go of what I had with him. I have to let go of my anger and resentment because I don't want to end up bitter and alone. I have to let go of my bad feelings to allow room for happiness in my new life. I know I can do this. I owe it to myself and to DD. I will be happy again."

I know, I know... maybe a little silly, but I really think it helped!

Sounds like FUN!!!!! Hope you will post on the dating forum and let everyone know. I don't remember reading about anyone doing the speed dating thing.

As time goes on and you get busier with your own life, the affair will be a distant sad memory.

By the way, could a person pick all of them?

shimmygrrrl:

Awesome. Absolutely awesome. You ARE my newest hero!!!

I just printed your statement above. It is as though I wrote it myself. I plan to use it just as you did.

I am so happy for you. I know it's hard and I will be following in your footsteps shortly.

Good luck!!

Thank you Believer. In answer to your question, yes, you could check off as many people as you wanted. Some people checked off everyone they talked to. I was a little more selective. I'll know next week.

And lifetooshort... thank you!!!

On an unrelated note, DD used the potty today!! I was getting her ready for her bath this morning and she sat down clothed, trying to pull her pants down. So I helped her. Then she wanted her diaper off. Then she tinkled in the potty!! She was so proud of herself, and I was, too. This afternoon, she tried to sit her doll on the potty! I guess it's that time...

I think I might check them all!!!!!! After all, who knows? Maybe the hunter and the vegetarian would work out.

How old is your DD now? I was lazy about potty training. One day I told my son if he started using it, we could buy toys instead of diapers at the store. That did the trick - but he was 3.

DD's 18 months old.

And trust me.... it wouldn't have worked. I'm the anti-redneck kind of girl, and he was too old for me anyway. To be honest, XH had redneck tendencies. I'm looking forward to putting that behind me.

Thought you guys would want to know... I got my matches from the speed dating this afternoon!!

And guess who also checked me off as a second date??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You go girl! I was glad to see your update because I was wondering what became of it all!!! Keep us posted!

BB

Thanks! I'm hoping he'll actually email me... I figure I'll give him until tomorrow evening before I email him to see if he'll make contact first. who knows, maybe he was one of those guys who checked off EVERYONE... we'll see...

cool shimmy...so when are we gonna take over the atl as hot single mamas?

I've already done a partial takeover of the northern arc...lmao!..

You're kicking tushie and seem to be doing awesome! I am so happy and proud for you.

do you still have my email? as for me? I had an awesome date 2 nights ago...have another one next thursday night...and one next wednesday with guy from 2 days ago...and ahve also seen xbf (the guy I used to work with...cute p.a.) and also the xbf who is the financial guy...dumped the xbf lawyer...had a problem with omission of facts as it turned out...sadly...

but there are imho far more princes than frogs still out there..and it's funny shimmygirl...the xWH's of ours...think they're so great...until they see US single and them tied down immediatelty to somebody lesser than us..and that we're out there having a good time and living it up...ah...so sad for the xwh's...boo hoo! (not really)

Thanks for the compliment, Peachy! I have been following your dating saga a bit on the after divorce/dating board. Really stinks about the xbf!

I'd love to go paint the town with you sometime.... maybe in a few months when DD turns 2 (sniff, sniff) and XWH will actually have her overnight on the weekends?

Even if nothing happens out of the speed dating thing last week, something miraculous did come out of it. Just being out there, meeting other guys helped me be ready to let go of all the "stuff" I had with XH. This past weekend, when DD was down for a nap, I finally got the courage to toss out all the mementos I'd been clinging to... the anniversary cards, the notes from high school, all of that stuff, even the book I made for him for Valentine's Day in college, the one he so glaringly left here when he came to get the rest of his things. Most of the wedding memorabilia. It all went out with the trash. Of course, I saved some special things for DD when she gets older... wedding invitation, announcement, photos, but everything else is sitting in a landfill right about now. I have to say it felt good. I need to open my life to new happiness, and I felt like this was a big step toward healing.

Hey Shimmy,

Any DD's potty updates?

So have you have any further contact with speed dating guy?

Just out of curiosity - do you still have your wedding dress? I hate to keep mine even for my daughters. I wouldn't want to wear a dress that the marriage didn't work out. Maybe I'm just weird. Maybe I'll let the girls have it for their dressup collection.

Haven't heard from him yet. I just emailed him my number, so we'll see. Who knows if anything will come out of it, but it has been something fun to think about.

Jean, I still have the dress, and my mom's wedding dress for that matter. I don't know what to do with it... Salvation Army maybe?

And as far as potty goes... they're taking her to the potty 4 times a day at daycare, and she's doing it. She keeps standing up to see her results, which is kind of funny. I put her on it tonight before her bath and she pooped. Never had to clean a potty before... eeeww. I think I'm going to invest in one of those padded seats for the big potty and a stool.

I hope the two of you get together. Although I've usually met men to date through friends or activities that we have in common. I guess there aren't any belly dancing men.

Actually, there are! People have such a stigma about Middle Eastern dance. Over there, it's what they do at special parties, like weddings. Women dance for the women, and the men dance for the men. Some say it started as a way for women to prepare their bodies for childbirth. Or to impress their future mothers-in-law. It's not the dance to "seduce the sultan" as Hollywood made it out to be. Although, it does have its benefits in that arena.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ooops. I didn't know that! I thought it was only women.

I love dancing - any kind.

I haven't heard from the guy, and I'm starting to wonder why. I emailed him my number last night, but nada. I guess he must have decided to call someone else. Heck, he's probably on a date with someone else tonight, and I've been sitting here, waiting for him to call me. I feel really dumb. Maybe I made too much of our interaction, maybe I built it up too much in my mind over the last week.... maybe I was just too excited about the possibility of a date because I am so incredibly lonely.

Now I'm starting to get upset. I guess it's b/c the one year anniversary of DDay is coming up very soon. One year ago tomorrow, my XH and I went on our last date. We went to a wedding of his co-workers, and of course OW was there. After that, we drove to the city for a concert at a pub we hadn't been to in years to see an old friend play. It was great. I felt like I was reconnecting to my H for the first time since DD was born. And then the following week... my world fell apart.

I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I know, it's dumb to say that. It's really dumb to say that, but right now, that's how I feel. XH made it sound like he thinks I'm some crazy, controlling b**** Who would want me anyway? *sigh* I guess the rollercoaster ride isn't over with yet...