Cheer up. There will be lots of men in your life!!!! You are taking it hard because you are new to all of this again. Anyway, he might still call. If not - his loss.

I'm OLD. And I have lots of guys around again. They turn up - don't worry. There is someone out there looking for YOU.

Ugh. Maybe he googled my name... the first thing that shows up in the list is a collection of my archived columns at the local paper, with a very unflattering photo that doesn't look like me at all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Shimmy,

Most likely he thinks you are so far above him that he has no chance, and he's too afraid to call and make a fool of himself.

That's just one guy's take on the situation.

-AD

Thanks, AD... good to know you're still around. I'm trying not to get too bummed out... maybe he WILL call.

It almost seems like anytime I get excited about something, feeling like something's really going to happen, that it doesn't work out. It happened when XH left. When I thought Mom was getting better. When I lost the contract on the house b/c ours didn't sell at the auction. When I got my hopes up about the great job interview I had. Happens all the time at work, too. It's been a week of serious ups and downs in every aspect of my life... really cruddy.

I am so tired of being disappointed all the time.

You are still very young. Life has periods where everything goes downhill, but they don't last. Things will get better and be fine again.

... and I know, because I haven't contacted the lady I'm interested in either.

-AD

Good to hear from you, AD. You should go for it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

*Sigh* He still hasn't called me. Why am I investing so much energy into this??

On a sort of related note but not really, I'm trying to project confidence in my posture. That's my assignment for the week from my dance troupe friends. We had an extra practice yesterday for a performance coming up in a few weeks (on my birthday, no less... what a great way to celebrate 29! a bellydance workshop with Bozenka AND a show!) and someone said my dancing was "choppy" because I didn't appear confident. She said I am hot and need to "strut it." Another chimed in with, "I agree. You have been beaten down so much for the past year, you really look like it." She challenged me to stop doing the frumpy schlump (my words, not hers) and stand up straight, to rise above all the crud I've been dealing with for so long. I guess I didn't realize it, but she's right. I've been trying to be purposefully aware of my posture today, and I really do feel a little more confident.

Hey SG (need to abbreviate it somehow now that you're not SM)--

I'd like to encourage you a bit if I can on this whole dating thing. No, I am not an expert obviously--the D is not final yet, so I have not dated--but like you and hurting I have been alone for a year--but while I have been alone, I have not been "alone" in my thinking--aka I thought and hoped my M would survive.

Since all of ours have not, we need to point out and remember that we have--YOU HAVE--survived and ARE all the more amazing because of it.

Take that amazing self and try not to get disappointed if you don't get a phone call back--think of how much you have been through---again--YOU ARE AMAZING--and if speed dating hottie happened to miss that--then, it is his loss. Truly I mean that.

A friend of mine on the same timeline as you and I in this infidelity saga started dating right away (her D was final in december). I remember her calling one night crying because the guy did not call back after the first date. I told that she had cried enough--had been hurt enough--to let any new guy do that again--told her to take it sllooooooow and really and truly just have fun. Fun doesn't bring tears (unless the bungy cord is too tight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ).

It broke my heart seeing her so soon upset over a guy--one who was not obviously meant for her to begin with.

THe Lord will bless you, SG, in time with a strong man of character--I believe that wholeheartedly. SO in the meantime--just have fun and take it lightly.

Okay--and I wanted to comment on the posture thing as well--it cracks me up because my mom is always telling me that I need to "show my broach" and stand straighter. Good for you for making a change.

Hope you have a good night.
Intexas

P.S.

Here's the chorus from a SuperChick song-- I like the whole song--but thought of the chorus for you--

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain

Just wanted to share.

Hi, intexas. You are absolutely right. It's just so hard. I miss having someone around to talk to, to laugh with, to touch. Sure, DD is here, but it is most definitely not the same. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I did have fun at the speed dating thing, and I was getting a little excited at the thought of maybe having a real date. I feel like I've been rejected before I was even given a chance. But I guess that's better than crying about him not calling me after a first date. Men must be really weird. It wasn't like this when I started dating XH. Of course, we were 15 and 16.

Funny about the lyrics from that song. My neighbor friends just went to some big Christian rock festival north of here and were showing me their photos tonight. SuperChick was there. Christian rock has never been my thing, but those lyrics were nice to read.

If you have any single friends, try this.

I've always had the bad habit of trying to play matchmaker. I'll see a nice guy and ask him if he is married. If he says "No, why?", then I tell him he seems like a nice match for my single friend.

You'd be surprised how easy it is to approach a guy when you are looking for someone else. And they may even ask you why not YOU?

*Sigh* IF I had any single friends. Most everyone I know is married, which means I don't even have anyone to go out with to meet guys.

Go by yourself - you don't want to meet anyone who hangs out in bars anyway. It happens when you are least expecting it. Be sure to let your friends know that you are interested in doing things and meeting people.

I'm 30 years older than you, and I have a bunch of guys that are interested. You'll do fine.

Thanks, Believer. Honestly, I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party here. I just don't know how to approach it, as XH was the only one I ever really dated, and we were so young when we met. I don't know what it's like in the grown-up world. Especially with a little one at home...

Thanks for the pep talk.

We always tend to think that we will never be happy again, that no one will want us. It is just because we are a bit low in self confidence.

Actually, I met the most eligible men at about 30. You are at the perfect age.

My only caveat is to date around and take your time. Don't narrow it down to one too quickly.

Make your life a wonderful one, and somebody will come along who wants to join you. I promise.

Hey shimmmy...don't get down...too many frogs alas...but there are quite a few available princes yet left!

You need to download to your ipod my dating/divorced song...bon jovi's It's My Life...goes a little sumthin' like this..."this ain't a song for the broken hearted...a silent prayer for faith departed."....

Get back on da horse!I mean...look at me..I thought I had found my prince yet again...this summer I was totally convinced I was in looove w/mr. nashvegas next year and that he and I were destined for forever...blaaahh...bleech!

It happens! Then sometimes the prince is half frog...a hybrid ifyou will.

But don't worry. As my grandma says...men are lightposts..one on every corner!

I'm feeling down tonight. I know TECHNICALLY XH left me on 9/4 last year, but let's face it, D-day anniversary is tonight, the night before Labor Day. It was right about now when XH and I started "the talk." Which culminated in him leaving two hours later and heading straight for OW's. I remember how hurt I was, how shocked I was. I was in such denial... surely it would blow over, I thought. Surely we'd work it out, we always did. The next day, before he came over, I had it all planned out, how we could fix everything.

But we didn't fix anything. This past year has been the crappiest year of my life in many respects. Instead of fully enjoying motherhood with my gorgeous, perfect DD, I dealt with divorce, with a mean WH and now XH, with lies. With scary phone calls looming from "mystery man." With my mother's death.

But things have been good, too. I'm trying to think of all the ways my life is better without XH in it.... for starters, I found church again. I'm a member of the local Lutheran church, DD got baptized. We even go to Sunday School. I feel so much peace about that. XH never wanted to go to church.

Plus, I've got the dance troupe. In the past year, I have performed at least once a month. I have made some wonderful friends.

I started reading again and have discovered who my true friends really are. And I've found out who I really am. I'm a better person today than I was a year ago. I'm stronger than I thought I was.

And then, of course, there's DD. Even with all the crud and loneliness, she's here. And she is wonderful.

Thank you all to everyone here at MB who has supported me over the past year. I feel like I know most of you IRL. You have been true friends when I needed you most. Thank you.

(((shimmy)))

My d-day anniversary past recently and his leaving anniversary is coming up soon, as is our 15th wedding anniversary! No one makes greeting cards for this crap, do they??

I forgot, did you move to a condo and get it all fixed up for you and DD?

shimmy thinking of you I am 6 months into my separation and I am not watching WW build life with OM... I am still fighting for the custody and getting ready for plan B and going dark.

Jean, in answer to your question, no, not yet. We're still waiting for the house to sell. I lost the contract on the first condo because the auction fell through. BUT, my realtor says she can get me a great deal on this place that's even better. There's this neighborhood of townhouses that used to be apartments, and this developer is totally redoing them, very nicely. She knows the guy, says he does great work, and says she can get me a deal.

The house has had a little more action these past few weeks... We'll see.

In reading your sig... your D-day anniversary is my birthday! Hang in there! You too, vikingruler.

Speaking of not watching your WS build a life with the OP... I was surfing the net this weekend and went to check out the site of the non-profit I used to volunteer for... sexual assault victims. They have hired OW!!!! It made me nauseated at first, and then a little angry. Gee, the perfect little couple, out to save the world. (He's a cop). Gag me. Most of the people I knew at the center are gone now, which is probably a good thing. I don't see how she would've been hired if I was still on the board!!

On a much happier and completely unrelated note, DD and I just got back from a 3-hour lunch and play date. We met her old babysitter, her kids, plus DD's favorite playmate and his mom at a local fast food joint. The kids played and played, and the moms chatted. It was fun. I figure DD will be out for a few hours after all that playing!