Post deleted by Pepperband

Wonderful advice...as usual...from Pep......and WAT.


Edited to add: I wish I had your brain, Pep.

Thanks PP, WAT and all,

I confronted WH in this similar way.

He sat, coffee in his hand, he looked at me and noticed the difference in my face from yesterday. He asked what was wrong. I held my breath and struggled to figure do I tell him now or not. Finally, with courage, I said calmly.

"I know you've continued your contact with the OW, and I know that you know you have continued your secret A with her."

Looking at me, he gave me the blinkless stare. He shook his head and denied. He said, "really? How do you know that?"

I said, "it doesn't matter how I know. But we both know that you have."

Then he continued his fog talk. He said, staring at his cup of coffee, "At the time, I might've thought about it, but that relationship was wrong from the start..."

I said, "but you are still in contact with her." He got up and said he had to take a shower. After shower, I went into the bathroom and resumed. I said,

"I love you. I have always loved you. I still love you."

He replied, while shaving, "I love you too." Silence....I could tell he was feeling squirmishly guilty. He went to the room to change. I followed. I said, "I could scream and berated you for lying. But I won't. But I want you to know, how much this hurts. The fact the you continued to contact her and lie, this really hurts to the core." I stopped. His eyes watery and I was starting to lose it, but I controlled it. He walked over and gave me a hug. He didn't say anything. I said, "how could you hurt me this way." Silence...He said, "I didn't mean to hurt you." And he walked away. That's when I lost it unfortunately. I cried! I sobbed. He came back and sat next to me, "pretending" to console me. He didn't say anything more and so he left.

I called my sister and told her. Then I did something maybe I shouldn't have which I got her blessing for. I called the OW and left a message.

I told her in a very calm way, "This is...., ..."s wife. I know that you two have been in contact. I know that my husband has told you that he couldn't call you the other day because he was sick after having too much to drink at our neighbor's party. That part he wasn't lying. But we spent the afternoon together. We had lunch at...and then walked the beach. Later, we went to Home Depot and looked at things for our home. Then we went on a motorcyle ride and had ice cream. That evening we had a wonderful time together. I know he loves you and I know and you know he loves me. But you needed to know how he spent the day with his wife which he hasn't told you. Have a great day."

Okay, let me have it....I know I probably shouldn't have done that. But I thought at the time, I wanted him to answer to her too, for lying to her. I realize that they're both liars so they'll tell each other what they want to hear.

I'll let you all know how it goes when he comes back from his dentist appt. So we'll see if there will be a fall out on my call to the OW.

Thanks again for keeping sane....sometime.

Post deleted by Pepperband

ditto Pep on being gone.

But I wouldn't leave a note. Let him worry.

Had you contacted OW before?

I do not know your exposure history. Any more to be done? If OW is married, give her H an update on the continued contact.

JMHO

WAT

Post deleted by Pepperband

Except that we have our last MC at 2:30. I'm thinking of cancelling the MC. What's the point of going now? Or should I reschedule?

I may have to edit my post about the "knowing their talk". He knows I frequent MB.

He won't worry. If anything, he'll think I'm POd.


Did the plan A and B. Exposed the A to his family and friends the day after D-day. Re-exposed A to both during plan Binclduing to OW email contacts with copies of her deranged, fatal attraction type emails. Had him email a NC letter to her with CC to me. I contacted the OW before the day after Dday to find out if she were pregnant b/c WH couln't give me a straight answer and another time and we both end up comparing notes....sick...sick..

So what else is there to do?

Ditto. I went to Yosemite. It was lovely. I came back very calm and VERY collected - Dru

OK, I say go to the MC if it's that soon.

See if he brings it (contact) up and if not, get it out in the open so the MC can be aware of it.

You have your admission.

So, if you were in Plan B - what did he commit to for you to end it?

If he reverses his commitment, you ought to consider going back into Plan B - if you can get him to leave. What were the circumstances of him leaving the first time?

WAT

He committed to radical honesty by giving me access to his emails and phone records, but he would get upset. It seems evident now that most likely has a new emal account.


I called his best buddy from school who lives 5 minutes away the night of DDay. Told H's friend about the A and that H can't stay in the house and if H could stay with them. H lived w/them for 2months until H was told to leave. During that time, he was still in contact w/OW.

We're in the process of drafting a Marital Settlement Agreement re house.

I could call his buddy again and re-expose and see if H can spend the next few nights with them but I'm not quite sure what good that will do. Besides he and his wife will probably celebrate at the thought of WH leaving his M.

Stargaze - I went back and re-read some of your early posts.

No kids, married just a couple years, right? I never saw an answer to my question of how old you both are.


Who's drafting it? You or your own lawyer - not shared with him?

WAT

I agree wtih Pepperband and WAT about going dark for a bit. I know you belive it won't shake him, but it will. Especially if he can't hunt you down.

I had to deal with my FWH's last affair long distance (I was away at school [his idea!] and he had the kids overseas [his idea!]). On my last D-day, I did go dark for 24 hours. I even stayed at a friend's house instead of my dorm room and when he called there trying to track me down, my friend said they had no idea where I was. He was absolutely frantic and it finally hit him that I was certainly capable of moving on without him. I had never been able to go a day without talking to him or emailing him, but that day I did.
Have you ever disappeared for a night and stayed at a hotel?

Hey Star*

Can you edit your post and remove the ***** part. Afraid WH may read my post. Thanks. I'll delete this too.

Yes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by Pepperband

Star* thanks for editing.

Yes, anything that has to do with "you know what" WH and OW talk. Thank you all for your support. Here's the latest.

WH comes home. Greeted him lovingly which he didn't expect. We talked re his ongoing secret contact w/OW. OW called WH who told him to not ever call her again by WH or me and that we "deserve each other". Per WH, he said "I'm sorry" to her. Checked WH phone, OW called WH as expected. The two liars talked for about 12 mins.

WH and I had a talk before MC. He looked confused and conflicted. At MC, he told MC what he told me several days ago that he "didn't want to be married to me anymore". Yet, we had one of the best times together the last couple of days. MC didn't really give us much direction other than we need to figure out what to do from here. Duh?

On the drive home, it was quiet. H held my hand tightly. I didn't break down as I usually do. But reading your posts on how to just let'em go, I told WH, "you're free. Go live out your life. If you could, I would prefer that you moved out at the end of the month." He said nothing. Continued to hold my hand tight. I said, "you should be happy". You got what you've been wanting to hear so that you can move on and live out your fantasy. I love you but I can't make you stay." Silence until we got home.

WAT, we both agreed on the MSA. Neither one of has presented it to the other. Doing the MSA for financial reasons, cost less than attorney. If we agree on the settlement, we just need to get it approved. think that's how it works.

THis is haaaard. I'm trying to keet a strong face and not burst out. Although I did that a little when we got home. I told WH, "well, you should be celebrating. You know, you two make a great couple. You cheated on your wife. Her husband cheated on her. Then she cheated on you with her next door neighbor! You two are perfect for one another!" Then I left the room.

So here I am. Just me and my dog...and I am pondering what my next move will be.

now go to the 1st post & change the title of this thread

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Trix,

I've shared MB w/WH even sent him sites. I'd asked him if he read it and he would say yeah but won't discuss it. Now we know why. He was still active in his A. WH IC and our MC even recommended books. H reads a lot of these type of books but he won't implement them!

I've decided 3 days ago, I wasn't going to display anger. I only had one bout after the MC.

I want to scream and yell. But I know I can't. Keep reminding myself to be strong.

Thanks for replying.

No.Just for several hours. He didn't try to track me down. He just called my cell which was turned off.