Yes, but do we know what 2Oak was actually DOING on the EXACT DATE he made that post? Was he being good or was he being bad? hmmmmmmmm <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I may have misunderstood this, but I understand the period of contact with Suzet_'s OP was 2 days?


2 days, followed by 9 days of not posting seems to me quite a long time for someone who, at that time, was a frequent poster.

There are a few posters who confessed on the board to breaking NC. Perhaps we could establish how long, on average, they mulled over their decision to come clean, and whether they posted to others during that time, if we are to be fair to Suzet_?

I would be very surprised if there were not some FWS posters who broke NC, or indulged in new flirtations, and did not admit this to the board. For example, 2OAK - who is still getting a good press here despite having behaved very poorly while confessing nothing.

TA

The better option might be for the pot to not call the kettle black.

committed

I can't even believe we are having this conversation.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Yeah...true...

it's nothing to me anyway...

over and out....

committed

whyohwhy did I ever even say his name? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> ok,

I hereby HIJACK 2Oak's quote by paraphrasing it. From now on I claim this quote, so we don't have to go off into hairsplitting debates about who is or isn't a hypocrite and who was or wasn't a cheatin ho on the very day he posted!

"Want to find yourself? Get your head out of your [censored]."

that is MINE!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Sorry 2Oak!

My main concern about posting is the MESSAGE posted...As long as Suzet or any others don't post advice contrary to MB principles then I'm okay with it personally...A couple of weeks ago there was a poster asking if her husband could stay at his job where OW works, I confess that I was terrified that Suzet would post "that it worked for her"-a fact that I vehemently disagree with, and is clearly NOT in keeping with the MB program...

Mr. W and I have both posted advice on days that we've LB'ed or DJ'ed each other, we have NEVER, however told others that that was okay to do...THAT is where the mistake would be, IMO...On those days, posting advice to others has even helped us to see the error of our ways towards each other, because we were then thinking in terms of Marriage Building, the end result is that we helped and got helped by posting...

Mrs. W

Amen, MrsW, good point!

I don't know the contents of the emails/chats between 2oak and the nameless person...(who was also complicit to a certain degree..they may have thought at the time it was harmless fun and then the female poster realized that it was dangerous and felt that it was actually inappropriate and going against the principals we usually agree on here at THEY should have both known better.

If I recall his story correctly, 2oak had been a faithful husband in his first marriage where he fathered his daughter...his wife was unfaithful and he was granted full custody.

He was a BS and should have known better....but he cheated on his live in girlfriend, Jill. It sure sounded like he 'got it' as far as how wrong he had been and he seemed to have learned his lesson....BUT, actually he didn't have secure boundaries and thus what he may have thought was innocent flirty banter...WAS NOT...Do we really KNOW his intentions...I doubt it...there are two sides to every story...

Serial cheater? I don't know if he fits that label in reality....he chose to leave MB instead of attempt to clear his name....does that imply guilt....maybe...or maybe he was just fed up with the pettiness that can go own in these parts. Who really knows?

Sigh…Committed, what I HAVE said is that I stopped posting ADVICE for a long time after my resumption, I did not stop posting to these boards altogether (but you’re welcome to search and “check that up” too to see if I’m telling the truth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

And what’s your point by stating that I only stopped posting for 11 days during the time I had the relapse and then confessed it here??? That’s a GOOD thing IMO. At least I had the guts, integrity and honesty to confess to both my H and this board in a very short period of time after the resumption…I did not wait for MONTHS before I did that…doing so would have been very cowardice behavior of me don't you think?

Yes Pio, I DID get in BigK’s “face” after he “attacked” me and made ridiculous disrespectful judgments, assumptions etc. about me. BigK only received back what he ditched out. “You reap what you sow” is a saying that applies to ALL people in life. You KNOW what happened Pio and the worse is that you ENCOURAGED BigK in his behavior and “teamed” with him against me... If you can’t remember, HERE is a reminder for you… Did you except me to just sit still and shut my mouth while he was doing those things??? Sorry, I’m not the type of person and “conflict avoider” who will shut my mouth and remain silent while I’m unfairly attacked and judged… I don’t like arguments and conflicts, but when the above is happening I WILL “fight back” and defend myself and there is nothing wrong with that.

Sigh…<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) Mel, you STILL miss the point… 2OfAKind was preaching and posting advice to others about adultery and ditched out “pearls of wisdom” WHILE he was involved in EMOTIONAL ADULTERY himself and kept it secret from these boards and his W/GF. Whether he was in contact or not with his A-partner on the days he made those posts is irrelevant BECAUSE his EA was still ongoing and he kept it SECRET. Gosh, are you saying its okay for a person whose ACTIVELY and SECRETLY involved in an EA to post here, give advice, preach to others and dished out “pearls of wisdom” on days he is NOT in contact with his A-partner? That’s ridiculous…especially coming from YOU Mel! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Also Mel, please explain to me why’ve you said to Jen that I was posting advice to others here while I was having her affair… Where on earth was I having an A while posting advice to others??? You know that is not true. The only time the EA was resumed (in spite of previous attempts from OM to contact me) was last year June with my relapse…and I already told you that I did not post here during that time and first came clean with my H and this board. You can’t make such untrue and ridiculous statements about me without being challenged on it Mel… So please explain to me why you’ve said that.

Well, YOU are the one who started this with your silly and ridiculous argument Mel so I can’t understand why this conversation is so “unbelievable” to you now… As I’ve said, you can’t make such statements without being challenged on it. You know me better than that.

EXACTLY! And it seem some posters still minimize his past behavior and don't view it as such a big deal… The worse is that they want to compare my history with HIS! Unbelievable… Actually, this give me the idea that these posters are in a “fog” about him and how he behaved...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Mrs W, I can’t recall ever posting advice that was contrary to MB principles in spite of the fact that my situation is not 100% in line with those principles. Also, I can’t recall that I ever stated anywhere or anytime on this forum that my situation “worked for me”. Please show where I've said that and prove your point.

You know, I was accused of the same thing by Top Rope last year and as a result I started THIS THREAD.

Oh, my goodness, what does this have to do with ADULTERY and being hypocritical and dishonest about it! MrsW, I can’t belief you’re comparing LB’ing and DJ’ing with your spouse with committing EMOTIONAL ADULTERY and being SECRETIVE about it. OMG…I don’t know what to say... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I can’t believe 2OfAKind’s behaviors are minimized to this extent…

Anyway, my EA started this way (thought the e-mails was innocent & harmless fun and did not have secure boundaries) and last year I had a relapse with the same OP… IMO my relapse was much more serious than the time when I first crossed boundaries into beginning stages of EA because I had all the knowledge on MBers under my belt and have known better. To behave that way with the same OP for the second time is huge, but to behave that way for a second time by getting involved with a DIFFERENT OP is a totally different story IMO and does put it in the category of SERIAL CHEATING.

Trix, it’s also clear from TogetherAlone’s post that 2OfAKind’s did not get "innocently" involved in EA by just “sliding across boundaries” (which is often the case with FIRST TIME adulterers). It appears to me that his actions were deliberate and with the INTENT to lure the female poster into sexual explicit communication… Read the following from TogetherAlone post again:

”The female BS poster, very articulate, very [i]honest, suddenly realised that she was getting into the habit of sexually-explicit chats with 2OAKS, and confessed this to the reunion board. She felt that she had allowed herself to be seduced into this behaviour, and that it was primarily her own fault for allowing it to happen.”[/i]

So taken the above into account, 2OfAKind had also shown behavior of a PREDATOR and SEXUAL OFFENDER. I do hope he has changed his ways though...

Suzet_ You were not unfairly attacked and judged. You are hardly the poster child for exposure and no contact are you. I sure hope you don't expect ME to sit back while you spew this kind of fog.

There is no defence for your actions or lack thereof.

I think the interesting question in all of this is: does the quality of advice depend on who dispenses it?

I came here as an active wayward wife, and Suzet's posts really helped me (especially with withdrawal). I enjoyed 2oak's posts too because they made me laugh as well as cut to the heart of the situation.

Yes, Suzet and 2oak are not perfect, but then again neither am I <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> That's why I came here.

What if Pep is actually a man? What if JL is really a 12-year old pimplyfaced nerd using his mom's PC? What if Melody Lane is an 80-year old bald spinster living in upperstate New York, and what if Bob Pure is really a swinging bachelor?

I really wouldn't care. Their advice is still good, and they all helped me end my affair and improve my marriage. Wisdom comes from all places... the source doesn't matter as much as the person listening to it.

Best wishes to everyone-
~Saturn

Sigh…Committed, what I HAVE said is that I stopped posting ADVICE for a long time after my resumption, I did not stop posting to these boards altogether (but you’re welcome to search and “check that up” too to see if I’m telling the truth. )

Double sigh.... Suzet_ you will see that I responded to a post by TA...not to what YOU said. I was pointing out to TA that they might be mistaken in their comments.

Right here.....



AND...my point in making the 11 day comment...it wasn't until months later that you stopped posting for 11 days. I think it was when you threw that little hissy fit about exposure. You did NOT expose to the OM's wife what you had done to her marriage. The heat was on, you didn't want to hear it...so like all good conflict avoiders you left the site...for a few days. That was in November, after you posted the email about exposure from Dr. Harley.

It was a blanket statement that the longest period of time that you did not post was 11 days.

. At least I had the guts, integrity and honesty to confess to both my H and this board in a very short period of time after the resumption…I did not wait for MONTHS before I did that…doing so would have been very cowardice behavior of me don't you think?

Well...it's easy to confess to an anonymous board where there is no emotional vestiture...literally a bunch of strangers who have ZERO bearing on your life.

You wanna tout guts, integrity, and honesty...where are those so called qualities of yours when you are OBLIGATED to inform someone of the DIRECT affront and assault that you have committed against them? I am sure you know who you owe a confession of honesty to.

IMHO you cannot cite those as qualities you possess until you actually use them to right the wrong that you have committed against a REAL person....not some "names" on an anonymous message board.

committed

Actually Suzet, I told BigK to ignore you. He ignored me instead. I do remember that your posts showed a growing sense of entitlement. I also remember how you carefully evaded the whole exposure question.

But, as BigK says, you aren't the poster child.

I would just like some PROOF that 2Oak was actually having an emotional affair ON THE VERY DAY when he wrote that post. That would be the standard you want applied to yourself, SUZET. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> See how ridiculous that is?

The bottom line is not what the person was doing on the very day he posted, as MrsW pointed out, but the VALUE of the advice.

This is one of the silliest debates I have ever seen on this forum.