Off the top of my head (so please draft this and have others hash it out)

A follow up blanket email to the company stating something like:

"Wow, the response, anonymous and otherwise, has been overwhelming. In case you haven't heard yet, my husband is having an adulterous affair with xxxx xxxxx in accounts receivable. Apparently, my husband, her and her 6 year old child have moved into an apartment together at the XXXXX apartment complex over on xxxxx road. Ms. xxxx is apparently still married as well but based upon information I received from you all he apparently is already aware of the situation.

Thank you. I too hope your bosses take swift and appropriate action against such immoral behavior and it's negative influence and legal ramnifications in your workplace.

I am sorry to involve you all in this. Your prayers for my family are being received. I love my husband and will continue to do all I can to save my family. Any further assistance you can provide directly or indirectly will be greatly appreciated.

Mrs. Foxnhound

p.s. - btw, absolute NOTHING was wrong with our marriage until Ms. XXXX got involved, despite the things my husband apparently told some of you.


This email will stoke the infidels suspicions about who is the blabbermouth at the company to NO end. May the love busters commence.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. W,

You are a insanely smart!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Will it be considered harassment if I continue to send emails to the company?

Also, he doesn't know that I know his new address. Should I let him know that I have that information by sending this email?

I think so. It's a fact. He ain't gonna move NOW and the more LIGHT you shine on the affair the better. Their secret little love shack is exposed. Very soon it's likely the apartment neighbors will all know. There will be NO peace.

Harassment....nah. Don't sweat it. They may ask you to stop but by then the exposure is fully done. Can't put the cat back in the bag.

Mr. Wondering

Now if OW'sHusband has a PI on his tail tonight I'd let him know you did this AFTER it's already been sent. The PI needs to know they may be more suspicious of their surroundings now that the love shack has been exposed to the world.

Mr. W

You are incredible, Mr. Wonderful. I will do as you suggest.

What are your thoughts on sending the OW an email about what she is doing to my family? I'm certain she didn't hear me when I tried to tell her on the phone, as she handed it to my WH. OWH saw her yesterday after my email to the company and she was pretty shaken. Wouldn't tell him why but after I talked to him, he knew why.

Am I wasting my time on her? My thought is that she needs to see my daughters and I as real people.

I don't know

It's been debated here for a long time whether it has any effect.

Generally, she won't listen to a thing you say.

some ideas:

1. Just send a picture of your family. Nothing more.

2. Send a picture with a short note saying: "I know you've been lied to about me the last few months and I am not the monster my husband made me out to be so he could get in your pants. I love my husband dearly and want him back. I know you can't understand this but if you truly care about my husband then discontinue destroying him. If you care about yourself and your family then discontinue destroying it also. Go back to your husband where you actually belong.

I understand the intensity of adulterous relationships and that you're not likely to listen to me now. By george, you're "soulmates". Know this today, SOMEDAY, you will personally regret not heeding my words herein. I just hope that day comes in time for you to save your family, your integrity, and your soul as well as my dear husbands and baby daddy.

I love him and will not give him up without a fight."

edited to add: ....a long, long, arduous fight"

Just an idea...likely would be lost on her and I've seen other letters/emails better than this before. If and when she has ANY doubt perhaps you've planted a seed.

Mr. Wondering

ps... the "baby daddy" thing is supposed to be funny

lol........maybe i should get a letter like that done too for inspiration.

Go get him. Your H needs you.

Here's what I sent her (which included a picture of me and my daughters.) The baby daddy thing WAS funny! But I didn't think she would see the humor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I also changed some of the big words because I don't think she'll know what they mean......hehehehe

OW,

I know you've been lied to about me the last few months and I am not the monster my husband made me out to be so he could get in your pants. If he would lie to me after 14 years of marriage and two beautiful daughters, don't you think he'd lie to you too? If you think you can trust him, you are a fool. I've seen his cell phone records, minutes after he was talking to you, he'd call me. Minutes after leaving you, he would come to me. I love my husband dearly and want him back to build a better marriage.

I know you can't understand this but if you truly care about my husband then stop destroying him. If you care about yourself and your family then stop destroying it also. Go back to your husband where you actually belong and build a good marriage with someone who has already stood with you for so long. I've talked to people about him and it sounds like he's a very good man that has treated you well and loves you dearly, even through this incredible betrayal. Are you really willing to risk that? You don't even know WH well enough to know if he is worth the risk of losing a man you already know and have been loving for so long. Does OW DS6 deserve this from you? What lessons are you teaching him? That mommy can't be trusted and will lie and cause other people any kind of pain so that she can be happy for the moment and that daddies can be replaced. You don't only have to face him today but you will have to face him years from now and deal with his feelings of you ripping his family apart for a man I'm positive you won't make it through the year with, whether he comes back to me or not. OWH may be waiting for you to get your thoughts together now, but he won't and shouldn't wait forever. Stop and put yourself in our shoes.....how would you feel and what would you do? Can you and WH honestly respect each other knowing the pain you are causing so many people? One day it will turn on you and you two will have to pay the piper, your selfishness is going to cost you more than you can ever imagine.

I understand the intensity of adulterous relationships and that you're not likely to listen to me now. Darn it, you're "soulmates", right? Know this today, SOMEDAY, you will personally regret not heeding my words. I just hope that day comes in time for you to save your family, your integrity, self respect, and your soul. The choices you and WH are making have changed the people my wonderful daughters were going to become....and the man OW DS6 was going to be. I will never forgive you and WH for that.

I love him and will not give him up without a long, long, hard fight.

This picture was taken the day I found out WH was seeing someone.......brave faces, broken hearts.

BS


Any thoughts? I tried to plant seeds of distrust between them and get her to think he was cheating with me. We'll have to see how that works out. Could be a looong weekend!

Thanks for all your input and suggestions!

Just figures...I just got an email from the CEO of WH company saying "WH personal life is not our business, please stop these emails now"

Of course, this particular "gentleman" has a vast history of affairs.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

check in with the Wonderings. Get some advice.

It's late on friday so don't send anything more today. However, it's up to you and your personal comfort level but you could take on the CEO a bit if you wanted to. Eventually, getting WH fired and out of the company away from OW is a good thing. One of them has to go might as well be your husband.

So, if you are up for it send something like this and CC the entire company. Be sure it's in response to his email so what he said to you is included.

Dear CEO,

This is my last email to the company. Again, I thank the wonderful people that contacted me and those others that may be praying and supporting my family.

You stated that WH personal life is not your business, however, my families personal life IS being destroyed at your business. I don't care what "business" you are in but condoning or otherwise supporting, even in silent acceptance, immorality in your workplace has a chilling effect on the people within you organization. Without "people" you have no business. Your employees personal lives are inextricable (sp?) woven into the business.

Perhaps you should consult with your attorneys over what happens when my husband dumps Ms. Pantyless and she sues the company for creating a hostile work environment or the tension created by the break up forces you to fire one or both of them and they both sue you. What about the work rules regarding fratinization, do they apply? Maybe they apply to everyone but my husband, OW and you. It is blantantly clear to me that your alleged prior marital indiscretions are clouding your judgement. For you to email me with anything other than your concern and sympathy is just appalling to me. I am so very sorry I remained silent in the past, however, I don't think I could ever be enthusiatic about my husband working for such an immoral and unethical boss.

blah, blah, blah


Sorry...i've gotten interrupted a few times and lost my train of thought. I think you get the point. Take on the CEO, embarras him to either take action OR fire one of them. I doubt you'll want to do this anyway so I'll just leave what I've written above open. It was fun to imagine anyway.

Mr. Wondering

maybe just say (and again CC).

"So much for praying for your support. Guess I should have figured based upon your alleged marital unfaithfulness. I won't email you all anymore.

Thanks again to those that care."

FWIW, I LOVE the first letter to the CEO...Mr. W, my love, you are good at this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> If nothing else, the letter certainly puts Mr. Unfaithful High and Mighty CEO in his place...Prayers for you and your DD's Fox!

Mrs. W

P.S. Mr. W's spelling of inextricable is correct, but the proper usage would be...inextricably...As in "inextricably woven" as he said, or "inextricably bound" as I like to use it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'd love to put Mr. High and Mighty CEO in is place. I'm not sure whether it's worth it though....he won't care what I think. LOVE the first letter!! I'll have to think on what to do with him.

Any ideas on why WH hasn't responded regarding my email campaign? I KNOW he knows and initially he sounded pretty ticked when he left me a voice mail to call him. But since then, he has not even mentioned it. I fully expected him to be rip-roaring ticked and to be all over my case about it. But nothing has been said. He has called a couple of times to talk to our daughters and I make sure I answer so he has to speak to me... he sounds pleasant and just asks for the girls. I speak pleasantly to him and hand the phone to one of my daughters.

The only reaction I got was on that first day of the emails and he sounded emotionally wiped out...he got angry only once and said that I was ruining my life and our daughters lives with the phone calls and emails. Then he caught himself and just said "Say to me what you have to say, BS" and he listened while I calmly told him what he was doing to us. He asked if that was it and that was the end of the conversation. What does this mean? Anything?

He and OW are trying desparately to give all indications that your exposure had no effect. They are clinging in chaos and if he gives in to you at all he fears you'll do even more. It's manipulation to try to get you to stop, to get you to give up or convince you it is having the opposite effect you intend.

Don't buy it. You've done good and are fortunate that you don't have to take much crap for it.

Exposure is usually just the beginning of the end. If there is to be an end at all. None of this is guaranteed but either way you will make it and you'll be proud you took action instead of living in fear.

What is your Plan A plan for individual growth???

Are you thinking of a date upon which you think you'll want and need Plan B??? Often, Plan A is easier to take, especially where there is separation and WH is living with OW, if you have a finish line pre-established for Plan A. Get an appointment with the Harley's for their input but personally I'd just give it a month more and then go to Plan B. It depends on your limits and how much love you have remaining for WH and how much you lose over the next few weeks...but start to think about it.

Mr. Wondering

Thanks for the encouragement. No reaction did make me feel like the exposure didn't have an effect. When he did speak though, I could hear in his voice he was having a rough time....like he was about to cry or was just exhausted. I'm sure he took heat for it, even if just from himself.

My Plan A plan for emtional growth? What exactly is that? Is it what am I doing to make myself a better person/wife and to meet his EN? Please explain.

I have thought about when I should go to Plan B but I am not sure that I have done enough of a Plan A especially after the LBing exposure! I have crazy days of going from extreme highs and wanting to put everything I can in to saving my M to extreme lows where I wonder why I should even bother. If he doesn't want me and has treated me and my daughters this way, why should I want him? And I wonder if someone else eventually could treat me better and love me more. It's a crazy ride. During my email campaign I was on a high to DO something..and it felt great to do it. Then afterwards I was on such a low because now I feel like I look like an idiot and how can I ever face those people again?

After I see the attorney on Tuesday, I am going to set up an appointment with the Harley's and see what to do from there. I am going back and forth on whether to bow out gracefully and let him go or to fight him every step of the way.

I was just reading another thread about the FOG talk that our WS give us. Here are some that my WH has given me.

1) I just don't feel about you like I used to. I can't change my feelings, they just are.

2) OW has nothing to do with this, she is not why I don't love you anymore.

3) OW is none of your business!

4) I didn't tell you about OW because I didn't want to hurt you. You dug and dug until you found it. She has nothing to do with it.

5) (After a drunken night out) I care about you, I care what you think and what you feel and I always will. (This while taking my chin in his hand and making me look at him, and then he kissed the top of my head, twice---I was sooo confused)

6) I would do anything for our daughters and for you.

7) Call me anytime..I still want to be your friend and do things for you around the house.

8) We'll still do things as a family. I want to be able to go to daughters sporting events and be able to be friendly and enjoy our time together with our daughters.

9) You know me better than any one else in this world and you KNOW I would never do that! (after I told him I was concerned that if I made him mad he wouldn't take care of his financial obligations to us)

10) Our daughters will be better off after this... I will be a better dad. They need to see me happy and then they will be happy.

11) I am not walking out on my family!

12) I'll just stay here and be miserable then, if that is what you want!

13) I don't know that my leaving is right, but I think it is. I can't keep going on like I have been. It's not fair to you, me, or the kids.

14) You know I love our kids and would never hurt them!

15) When I (BS) asked him how he was going to be happier after walking out on his family and seeing us so miserable... he said he didn't know, he just felt he had to do it.


I was so glad to see that thread! I took these things so personally and really started to believe some of them. Thank you all for sharing. It's very important for us newbies to realize what the FOG is and what to do about it.

I also find it somewhat amusing that OW is 5 years older than me. I know that is just going to eat at her. You know how we women are about our ages, especially when she is getting close to 40! hahahaha

Wait til she actually sees me (we have never met). I am small and petite (after dropping 25 lbs). I am often told that I look like I'm in my early 20s and have an innocent face. After dropping the weight, I look almost exactly like I did when WH and I started dating. Eat your heart out, buddy!

I would have thought she would be younger and cuter and the life of the party. According to OW H, she is none of that, she is older than me, fairly lazy, not a firecracker at all (he said my email campaign probably scared the heck out of her). One thing that surprised both OW H and myself was that neither one of them are "talkers" but their cell phones look like a couple of teenagers are yik yaking back and forth!

It'll be interesting to see how this falls apart...and it WILL. I have faith.

Thank you all for your continued support. WH was here this morning to pick up daughters for some time with them. It's hard to see them drive away without me. I figured I'd hop on here and refocus. FOG talk thread helped a ton!

Aaarg! I should have known better! While WH had DD12 and DD13 today, I went to visit his mother. I wanted to reassure her that I was not going to keep my daughters from her (WH says this has concerned her). MIL is usually very good to me and we have been fairly close. Still, I know WH is her son and she would not believe anything bad about him.

My daughters usually go to her house during the day when they want to but can stay home if they'd like also while I am at work. After I told DDs that dad had a girlfriend and then I told WH that I told them, he said "that's fine, I'll take care of it". Which I took to mean he was going to talk (lie) to them when he went to see them the next day at his mothers. I do not want them pulled back and forth so instead of taking them to his mother's, I took them to work. I had called MIL that morning and told her they would not be there. She already knew about the A, but did not know WH and OW and OW son were living together. I told her and then told her my daughters probably wouldn't be there until I figured out how best to protect them from this situation. She was in tears...I said "I'm sorry" and we hung up.

When I saw her today I apologized for Friday (I'm not sure why), and told her the WH and I had had a discussion the night before and I didn't want DDs pulled back and forth so I didn't bring them to her. She got really snippy with me and told me that he said he was going to tell them and I kept putting him off. I had been waiting for him to come home so we could decide when etc (both DDs had b-days this month, and he was supposed to be leaving for Canada for work and could have been gone for weeks)!!! He hadn't come home for a week and I felt I had to tell them SOMETHING. She was just ticked and acted like it was my fault, so without explaining anymore since she wouldn't listen. I just said "nevermind" and left.

I called WH later (he didn't pick up) and left message that I had tried to talk to MIL and reassure about DDs but she got upset and I left and he may want to call and check on her.

It makes me so mad that he told her that I was putting off telling them! I was the one that kept saying I don't know or that Dad was at work when they asked where he was. They were only getting hurt further by ME covering for him. I really feel that I did the right thing by telling them the truth. It would have gotten back to them eventually and then they would know I lied too. I'm sure that is why MIL is so mad at me...I'm sure she thought it was wrong to tell them that. Wrong to be truthful with my kids but OK for him to have a GF! Geez! How is it they think I'm out of line?

I promised my daughters when I talked to them that I would not lie to them. They could ask me anything and I would give them the truth. I worry about what he says to them and what they end up believing. I try to hang on to the hope that they realize that I am the one that is still with them and doing right by them.

DD13 asked tonight if Dad was still going to help us buy a house. I told her no. Does she not realize what is going on and that Dad isn't going to be here anymore? I thought I was clear...I've shown them his new house, but did not tell them that he is living with OW and OW DS6. Is it just denial? Or are they confused because I said I didn't want a D and was fighting to save us?

I was just thinking about the EN questionnaire WH half-arsed filled out (when he was still lying about A). He supposedly only had 2 EN (he didn't rank, but this is what I could tell about by what how important he said they were) The first was an Attractive Spouse (I've taken care of this one), and number 2 was.....Honesty and Openness!

That just irks me right now....he wants honesty and openness from me when he was the one that was lying and sneaking?! WTF? He circled Positive Things where it says share positive/negative things. Then at the bottom wrote, I don't like to talk about bad things. Well, duh! Who does? Unfortunately, life ain't all good and you have to deal with the bad too!

What in the world do I do about him?!