U have the right attitude. Keep up the good work.

For me, I was accused of being a husband abuser, was a lesbian, had an affair with my FIL, beat my child, lied to my church, etc. The list went on. OW even threatened to have me fired and call the police on me. See all those false charges in some weird way, justified the A. What a line of crock!

I took that que and informed my HR and my boss (director) along with calls to my local police and the police in her town. LOL!!! I also informed, neighbors, babysitter and the school (both the teacher and the front office).

Consider it a warning and use it to expose even more.

L.

I would just love to be in WH mind everyone once in a while. Where do they come up with some of this stuff? And why do they turn on the people who have stood by them for so long? From the first day of our 15 years together, I would have turned myself inside out to make him happy.... what stopped him from telling me what he needed and getting that happiness? What gets crossed in their brains that makes this kind of behavior acceptable to them? Not just an A but everything they do to justify it.

I know there are no answers to these questions. They probably can't even answer these questions themselves. Will that light bulb ever come on over WH head?

Just venting...thanks for listening and understanding.

WH is leaving on a hunting trip tomorrow and will be gone for a week and a half. Any opinions on advantages this has re: the A? I'm hoping WH might spend some time thinking without the pressure from me or OW? I'm probably just grasping at straws but I just want him to THINK!

Unfortunately, OWH will also be gone hunting...too bad he couldn't work on her while my WH was gone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I'm looking forward to him being gone...I need a break from the drama and worrying about every little thing he does or says or doesn't say or do. Life must go on.

while he's gone

re decorate the bedroom

buy new panties

get your hair highlighted

and put on a realistic FAKE tattoo

Pep

Already done all those things! Right after he moved in with OW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I was very tempted with the REAL tattoo but held myself back on that one!

then treat yourself in other ways

how about a trip of your own?

got girlfriends?

Pep

Is WH peeking out of the fog or just attempting to cake eat?

Last night WH called to talk the DDs. DD12 has a bit of a cold but is pretty chipper. It's just a little cold. After DDs were through talking, WH asked to talk to me which is odd because he bypasses me anytime he can. He asked if I wanted him to get some cold medicine for DD12. I said no, I'll take care of it. He kept pushing and asking if I was sure I didn't want him to do it. So finally I said "fine, if you want to, go ahead". He said he would pick it up and bring it to me at work tomorrow. (Fri)

He calls me on his way to the store this morning to tell me he is on the way to the store. ???? I said "okay, thanks for picking it up for her." Then he gets to the store and calls me to ask what kind, what flavor, and reads the back of the box to me to make sure he has the right ones. ????

Then he came to my office to drop them off. He was all shaved and had his hair cut, I'm sure it is for OW because during hunting season he ALWAYS lets his beard grow and he has a mustache all the time the rest of the year. Really scruffy looking during hunting season..supposedly keeps his face warm. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, we stepped outside and I asked him if he was going to give me any money for the kids this month. He said his lawyer told him not to but if I needed something to ask. I thought I just did? I just looked at him and my eyes started to well up with tears and I said okay, I'll have to figure something out and turned around and went back inside. I'm trying SO hard not to cry around him but the money just really stresses me out.

He got part way down the street and called me back to tell me he would try to get me some money but he didn't know how much as he is trying to catch up on bills from the IRS. I said what bills, we don't owe them anything. He said one of the bills I had given him was from the IRS. I said it wasn't a bill it was his copy of a receipt. GEEZ...he can't even tell a bill from a receipt! No wonder he's having trouble managing money! Anyway, after we figured out it was a receipt he again said he would try to get me something but it would be after he got back from hunting and asked if that was ok. What can I really say, no that's not ok...then he'd get ticked and stop talking again. So I said, that's fine, I'm just trying to take care of the kids and the truck payment is due while you're gone and that takes almost all of my check. He said he'd do the best he could and when he got back we would talk and figure something out for him seeing the kids more. I said ok...shaky voice and tears through this whole conversation. I told him to have fun and good luck. He said to tell the kids he loves them. Then we hung up.

I went in the bathroom at work and cried for awhile and then pulled myself back together to get through the day. He called again a couple minutes after I sat down to see if I was ok and tell me he would really try to get me something. I said ok...tears were back. And then do you know what he said? "Are we ok, then?" I was speechless for a minute and then kind of laughed and said "what kind of a questions is that right now?" He kind of laughed and said "you know what I mean". I told him I guessed and to have a good time hunting and to get some rest. He's always had stomache trouble and slept REALLY badly because of all the stress he has at work. I had asked how his stomach was when I talked to him last night and he said just the usual work stuff. So things AREN"T all better in fantasy land and OW probably doesn't even know to ask about that stuff. At the end of this call, he said he would be sure to call while he was gone to check on us and if we needed anything to call and leave a message and as soon as he had service he would call back. It's weird he isn't saying if the girls need anything, call me, like he has been.

Then he called again to say he was going to my house to pick up a chain saw that was in the garage..but that was all he would take. I said ok, thanks for letting me know. Uh oh, hopefully he doesn't look in the car he has in there...I was a little upset one night and cleaned out my bedroom and threw all his stuff in the car..and not nicely either! No boxes, no stacking, just threw it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Petty, but made me feel a little better. I guess I'll get a call about that, too, if he sees it.

I want to believe it is a peek out of the fog but have a gut feeling it is cake eating....he wants to see the girls more and have him and I be "okay". Just the fact that he is going on a hunting trip and paying "bills" before feeding his family tells me how selfish he is still being.

What a surprise he will get when he gets the separation agreement when he gets back. Although I might wait a couple days to find out what he is going to give me when he gets back and what his plans are for seeing the girls. As soon as he gets the sep agreement you can bet he won't give me any money and will stop talking to me. Maybe some time away from me and OW will give him a chance to think. Or maybe he'll just shut us all out of his head and have a great time.

I saw and heard my H in there a couple of times....worried about how I am and making an effort to take care of his family (even if it was small)...and then back comes WH with excuses. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Tough day, I'm tired now. He just takes so much energy.

Good job

OW likely is not as supportive of his little hunting trips as you are/were. (OWH might even give you an indication...seems he hunts too, what did OW do when he went hunting, moan and groan or take it with resentment...usually they expect MORE from their "soulmate")

Interesting amount of calls today

Plan A maybe working

Alone hunting might be good for him.

Hopefully OW is love busting (usually happens after exposure).

Mr. W

He's not going hunting and he is trying to lessen the guilt of this trip. Don't let him.

L.

He IS going hunting. This is a yearly trip that he goes on with a couple of buddies and is a perfect escape for his little "situation". He may have shaved for her but he WILL NOT give up hunting for her. That is the ONLY thing he will take so much time off of work for.

Orchid,

Was your comment a DJ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm wise enough at this point to know that WH is a liar. I am watching for those lies, but I also know this particular trip is the truth. Although one of the "buddies" WH is going with I am pretty sure knew about the A and was WH's alibi. I don't know if "Buddy" was too afraid to stand up to WH or if he condoned the behavior. Either way, I think if/when we get to recovery, this particular buddy will be out of our lives, too.

Thanks for all the responses.

WAT and The Wonderings

Any thoughts regarding todays events?

It could mean any number of things.

I know how tough it is NOT to obsess about this but it's really just an exercise in futility.

Watt had a gread post on Heartsore's thread about just getting on getting on. Ignoring the up's and down's and focusing on YOU. It's really not in your control anyway. Do what you can and accept the rest. Enjoy YOUR life. Accept uncertainty.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

You're right....it's all just a guessing game. I need to settle down and just BE for a while. I've become absolutely consumed with trying to figure WH and I need to face that I can't do that right now. I'll keep working on my own life...such as it is at this point.

Have a great weekend all!

Ark has a great thread titled something like (or exactly like) ..."BS's Be Still" that addresses this very issue. Either someone will link it, bump it or you can search it with the search function.

Mr. W

Orchid: No, more like RH. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: Just don't want u t/b fooled by the fool. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

His numerous calls, etc. could be fog clearing - unless it's not.

I'd be inclined to guess it's a zig or a zag on the WS roller coaster. They have their own ride, ya know.

Could be a guilt attack. Could be he's square on top of the fence - teetering.

But it shouldn't matter to your plan. Stay the course. Almost guaranteed he'll "make up" for this flurry with a round of nastiness.

Don't discount that this behavior may be unrelated to you or the OW. He's going hunting. I presume this is a big deal to him. I'm not a hunter but I am a guy with a couple very favorite past times. He may just be pumped in anticipation of his hunting trip. His enthusiasm is over flowing. You are a recipient. Be thankful you are. OW may or may not be. But this is better than you NOT being.

Now, about money. Hunting isn't free, right? His lawyer says not to give you any money? I bet his lawyer - even if he has one - didn't recommend that. It makes NO SENSE to cut off a spouse and kids in advance of a potential legal hassle (divorce or legal separation).

Also, what about this truck payment? Who's paying for that? Who's driving the truck? Who's name is on the loan? You're smart enough to know where I'm going with this line of questioning.

WAT

ditto

either he has an idiot for an attorney, or he's fibbing

you decide

Pep

PS

write his "my lawyer told me" bullcrap in your journal ... it will come in very handy one day

in fact, see if you can get him to repeat it in an email ... email him "Did your lawyer say why you should not support me and the kids right now?"[/i] ... email him with a pleasant attitude, as if you are just getting clarity, not argueing with him

ask him for the name of his "lawyer" ... for the kids sake ... see what he says

pep

OW H called this weekend to get an update on the situation, he has been out on guiding a hunt so has been out of the loop. He said before he left he had asked OW point blank if she wanted a D... he needed to know one way or the other. She hemmed and hawed and said no, she didn't, then no she didn't think she did...etc. He has even offered to pay for the D if that is what she wants. I think she is doing a lot of cake eating..her H is still good to her, gives her money, etc and she has my WH for everything else.

He also told me that OW was going to WH hunting camp on Saturday, he had their son so she could go. Really no surprise but still hurts. I don't know why it bugs me so much especially since they are living together but it's just another twist of the knife he has stabbed in my back. Last year, DDs and I went to his camp for a couple of nights and we all had a GREAT time.

OW H has talked to OW sister (who OW is really close with) lately and she said that OW has stopped emailing and very seldom talks to them anymore.

OW H also told me more information he has gotten from a friend of OW at their company. OW and WH were at a going away party for a co-worker and WH was VERY drunk and belligerent and tough-talking/acting, said he was going to kill someone at work and offered to beat up some guy that was hitting on someone else that was there. I can't remember the last time I saw WH drunk (it had to have been prior to marriage) and he didn't act that way. He is also chain-smoking like crazy. I don't think I've seen him for a moment without a cigarette in his mouth. Looks like he is trying to hide from his situation by turning to bad habits. OW H said she is doing the same thing....drinking pretty hard and smoking endlessly. Those two things have to hurt their pocketbooks too!

Sounds like a great life...I'd sure give up my family for it. NOT!!

They can just keep it up and self-destruct. Tick tock, tick tock........