A link to the posts about being still would be greatly appreciated. The search feature here is difficult to use.

Thank you!

I did ask WH for the name of his lawyer. He stuttered a little and then asked me why I needed it. I told him so that I didn't call the same one. He then gave me the name.

I think he is lying....he may have talked to this lawyer but I KNOW he hasn't got anyone on retainer. That would take too much money away from his hunting. But he'll have to answer my sep agreement and will have to get a lawyer because I KNOW he won't agree to what I'm going to ask for.

I'm almost looking forward to it...making him face the consequences.

These lawyers are sooo darn slow! But that could be an advantage if he turns the sep into an D.

OW at hunting camp ... yukky

hope she gets bug bites

Pep

I second Pep and hope she gets them where the sun doesn't shine.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

There's bears in them thar hills....I hope they both are bear food. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Or she gets caught by a rutting elk...hehehehehe

You shouldn't have gotten me started on this line of thinking!

Poison ivy is still around, probably.

When are you seeing your attorney?

WAT

speaking of poison ivy, lol, couldn't resist..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Giggle giggle he he

I found some information out regarding the attorney I was originally going to...mainly that she buckles and is extremely slow and you have to stay on her to get things done. I don't need that kind of a head ache to go along with everything else I'm dealing with.

So I called a couple more on Friday that were recommended by my bosses. One is not doing custody cases at all right now, one will mediate but is not taking new clients right now (his wife passed and he is slowing down), the last one I left a message for on Friday and called again this morning but he has not yet returned my call. Grrrr....

Last week when WH and I were talking about the kids and the fact that I took them out of town when he was planning on taking them Sunday afternoon (although he never asked me), he said "I thought we were going to be considerate and respectful to each other". WTH? I said "Do you really want me to treat you with the same consideration and respect you have shown me in the last couple of months? Because if you do, I better step it up a few notches to match how you treated me." No answer back, of course. Changed the subject.

The whole fog analogy really fits. WH has no logic or common sense. It just amazes me what comes out of his mouth that he thinks is logical. You can almost see the light bulb above his head when something gets through but he quickly turns it off and comes back with an idiotic response.

OW H says the same thing. Like with their conversation about divorce and that she doesn't think she wants one. WTH? You are living with another man, is that what most people do when they want to stay married?!!!! And her comment "Geez, we're just living together, BH" Does she really expect him to sit and wait until she isn't "just living together" with another man?

While WH was too busy to pick his DDs up on Labor Day, he had gone to the lake with OW and OW S6. Somehow, OW S6 broke both pedals on his bike. When OW S6 talked to OW H and told him about it, OW H said he would fix it for him. OW S6 said "oh, that's okay, WH, fixed it" I can't imagine how OW H felt knowing that WH stepped in and acted as a father to OW H son. That is one of the things I am most afraid of is OW being a mother to my DDs.

Maybe if they ever meet her, they can call her "Mrs.OW H last name". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I do want them to be oh so respectful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

There's a pharmacological explanation for this. See this post > Oops

OW's H sounds like he is enabling her - or at least is allowing her to walk all over him without a whimper. Am I getting the wrong impresion? Can you light a match under him?


A good idea.

WAT

And this one > Mirror, mirror on the wall......

WAT

Very interesting information, WAT. Thank you. It helps to have reinforced that WH is not totally "choosing" to be stupid.....it's coming naturally at this point. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just kidding...this was very useful information. Did it say why that feeling eventually goes away over time? Or is it just too hard to sustain?

I really appreciate your input. You are a wise man...thank you for sharing.

I think that's it.

I don't know for sure, but it makes sense. Ya know how a substance addict may need more and more to get his fix? This occurs over time. Same mechanism, I believe, with dopamine. Since the "substance" in a WS's case is the OP - there's only so much to "take." It fizzles.

I believe this applies to garden variety affairs - the WS is otherwise a normal person. Add in a personality disorder or depression or some other bonafide mental issue and all bets are off. This is the case, IMHO, with my XW who still denies she even HAD an affair - although she married OM 5 months after our divorce - 4 years ago. Go figure.

WAT

Or maybe it's like an antibiotic. It was the cure for his "unhappiness" infection. Just like an antibiotic that you take too long, your body adjusts and you become immune and it doesn't help you anymore. The infection will return and the cure won't work anymore.

WH didn't call DDs last night. We were home all evening and no call. He is losing them little by little and he doesn't even realize it. They are only getting older and more able to express their feelings. How long does he expect us all to wait? Selfish, selfish, selfish.

I assume that was a rhetorical question. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think that some WSs in their stupor are living on a different time line. It's like time stands still for their family - they expect nothing to change - while they're in this altered state going FFWD. They think they can bail out of the affair at any time and nothing will have transpired while they were "gone". It's part of the justification process, perhaps. Also, maybe this is why when consequences finally show up that's when many think twice for the first time.

Just rambling - maybe too much ANALysis? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

WAT

That's what happens when you have to deal with [censored]! ANALysis.....hahahahaha <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think my sense of humor is returning...although a little warped! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

WAT,

I think this is a very important observation by you that ought to be considered in every BS's attempt to recover their marriage. Some personality flaws are so complex and so difficult to deal with that divorce may actually be a better option than trying to save the marriage.

Hiker, that may be true in some cases, but I'll bet 98% of all affairs are between people who are "addicted," not who have a personality disorder.

If there's a personality disorder, there's a lot more that goes into the mix than just the affair!!!

And yep, foxnhound, your sense of humor is coming back, it is a good sign, and it is warped!!! lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MrsRob,

Yes, I agree. But I've seen a few cases here recently where, in addition to the affair, there is a drug or alcohol addiction and other factors that seem to make the task of saving the marriage almost impossible.

Recognizing that none of us (I don't think) are shrinks with research to back us up, we can only guess how many affairees were garden variety or not. Even if we were shrinks, I'm not aware of any such research or whether any such research is even possible. Folks like the Harleys engaged in counseling probably have anecdotal evidence of how many and which affairees might be affected with extra issues, but even that would be some level of guess since they aren't docs and haven't examined these people directly. I am virtually certain that my WS had a little extra (or more) going on. Descriptions of WSs presented on this forum suggest there's more than a few.

JMHO

WAT