WAT,

What conclusions did you draw about your ex and any possible personality defects she may have had?

Foxy, pardon the distraction.

Hi hiker - howzit? How 'bout an update?


She's a fruit cake. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Who knows what's really going on in there?

WAT

I see.

OK, got it.

WAT

until he makes up his mind

or ....

until he performs an ano-cranial extraction
until the cows come home
until he runs out of affair gas

you choose

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <~~~Pep

Does anyone know where the posts are about being still? I can't seem to find them. Please give me a link if you can.
Thanks!

I've also decided to look for another house that is closer to town (we live about 20 miles out), but not in town. We need to have room for the horses, dogs, etc so it could be a little bit before I find one. I'll keep looking something will pop up. Hopefully I'll have all the legal and financial stuff worked out by the time I find one. DDs and I have talked about this in depth and decided what we want to do and why we want to do it. It's not about WH but it could help him realize we are changing and moving on. A new home could be just what the doctor ordered. We live pretty far from DDs friends and it is hard to get together with them to work out pick up/drop offs etc. Wish me luck! I'd love to do it TODAY!

Thanks for the link. I've printed this one to keep with the one about being a light house to read in times of need. AKA...often.

FINALLY got a call back from attorney #2... got some basic info but can't meet with him until Sunday. Seems like an odd day, but whatever. Less work I have to miss.

He did tell me, though, that once a separation agreement has been issued, either spouse can apply to have the agreement switched to a divorce after 6 months and the judge has to do it. Is this what I want? To do all the legwork for WH to be able to make it a divorce so easily? I don't feel like I really have a choice. I have to protect the girls and I financially and I can't trust WH to do what he says. But I really don't want it to be so easy. I have no idea where we will be in 6 months.....other than I'll be another year older by then! The attorney thought that a sep agreement can be done in 1 1/2 months if there are no disagreements (which I'm sure there will be, I am going to ask for the moon and negotiate down). So, even if we went the most amicable route, 6 months would be end of April probably.

Where is my crystal ball?

Any suggestions or opinions?

I betcha in 6 months your H will still be too lazy to file !

you don't have to tell him about this part of the separation agreement

I like this...


hee-hee

Pep

I won't tell him about that part of the sep agreement but his lawyer probably will. And if in six months he still wants to file he can go for it. I've decided D is not the end of the world.

I guess I have to do what I have to do....I never would have thought I would have to protect DDs and I from WH. Sad

not only is WH hurting DD13 and DD12

but he is also hurting OW's son6

children exposed to this sort of garbage teaches them irresponsibility & recklessness

and it cannot feel good to be WH ... what self-talk bull pucky does he say to himself when he is trying to feel proud of himself as a man ???

"I abandoned my girls , but they will understand as long as I am happy"

it's horsechit, and in their hearts they KNOW it's horsechit

six months in heII is what I'm thinking

shame on him

if he's still living with her in 6 months ... I'd advise you to file for a D yourself

why?

because he has demonstrated a REAL lack of character ... and I'd think you'd be better off without him

sorry

Pep

Don't be sorry......I needed that and you are right an all counts!

it's no joy being "right"

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Your attorney may be technically right. He may not be used to having a case in which the person seeking the separation agreement really doesn't want a divorce.

Sounds like he's busy and automatically binned you into the "standard" pile. Print out the Word document version stdsep.doc and have you fill in the blanks. That'll be $1000.00 please.

Pardon my cynicism. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, make sure when you meet him he knows you are not a standard case and to specify in the separation document that you do not want a divorce and are seeking only to protect your family while your H has his head up his butt. You want to recover the marriage from this crisis and STAY MARRIED. Maybe this will matter in the process, maybe it won't - but it gets your intentions made very clearly.

Talk to him about this and see what options you have. Do not allow him to put you in the routine process.

JMHO

WAT

Try $2,000, please. What a rip off! I'm going to call around for more and try to meet with some others but time is of the essence at this point. One lady who is a friend of a friend did everything herself and then had the attorney review it for $200. But that would mean I would have to deal directly with H or his attorney to come to an agreement and I don't think that would go well. I am positive some of the things I am asking for (i.e. no overnight stays of the opposite sex) is going to go over like a lead balloon.

The longer it takes the further behind on bills I will get. My work has given me money to help out but I'll have to pay that back at some point.

I too wonder what he tells himself to justify this. I'm sure it is very logical and makes absolute sense. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Although to him, he didn't walk out on his girls. Just me and somehow that is okay with him.

He did call last night from hunting camp and talked to the girls for not even 2 minutes. He's seen two bears, no elk. Maybe the bears will eat him....they do like rotten things. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Did the $2000.00 guy agree to meet with you prior to you giving him any money?

If so, by all means do it. He may be expensive because he's worth it.

Also, this is likely the retainer and will go a ways through the process.

On the flip side, because you're not "normal" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> (you know what I mean here), it may cost you more - because he can't simply use his form document. Hard to predict.

JMHO

WAT

I am meeting the $2,000 guy (is that like the million dollar man?) on Sunday. That is how much the 1st attorney wanted too. It is a retainer so will go a little ways. The first attorney wanted $150/hr that would be deducted from the retainer. But if we end up going to court, I'll have to give them quite a bit more. I don't think we'll end up in court. I didn't ask what attorney #2's hourly rate is.

There is no way WH can afford it. I couldn't either if my employer wasn't footing the bill. I am truly blessed to work in such a caring and supportive place.

I will be sure to let him know I am not "normal". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Everyone always looks at me like I am insane when I tell them I am not looking for a divorce right now.

Does anyone know where I can get a sample of a sep agreement so I can get it mostly laid out before I go in to see the attorneys? I have most of it written down but want to see what is in a "normal" one. I've done an internet search but only can find ones I have to pay $150 for...no thanks...

I don't have mine in an electronic form, but I don't think it's a good example. I hope it's not prevalent because it was sooooooo poorly worded. But I suspect it has been used before because it started out very general.

You ought to be able to go to the courthouse and see all of them you want! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, I made many, many changes to mine and caught a lot of mistakes - some my attorney didn't catch. Since then I've discovered additional mistakes and poor wording that I've been able to use to my benefit.

Feel your way and be a critical reader. When the opportunity comes, enlist a trusted friend to help you review it. It's mostly common sense - or should be.

WAT

Before I finalize mine, I'll scan it and send it to you... if you wouldn't mind taking a look at it?

I'd like it to be reviewed for financial/custody protection but also for MB principals. Most people won't be able to look at it both ways. I will have someone close to me look at it also.

I'll keep searching....there has to be one somewhere!