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Key difference in you and I here, I have NOT started and/or threadjacked COUNTLESS threads regarding my own personal situation-and then done NOTHING to change said situation...I am NOT the attention freak that you seem to be.. Wow....some strong words there MrsW....sleep well. I will be sleeping very well. Good night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Key difference in you and I here, I have NOT started and/or threadjacked COUNTLESS threads regarding my own personal situation-and then done NOTHING to change said situation...I am NOT the attention freak that you seem to be.. Wow....some strong words there MrsW....sleep well. I will be sleeping very well. Good night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you ma'am...I will sleep very well, with a CLEAR CONSCIENCE I might add! Hasta Luego! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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If none of that touches your soul... how about this:
What about SELF?
Can you live with YOURSELF?
How long can that kind of secret live before it eats away at you and turns into diseases of the body, mind and spirit? Of course, this presumes the other person is like you and has a conscience. Something that cannot be assumed.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Key difference in you and I here, I have NOT started and/or threadjacked COUNTLESS threads regarding my own personal situation-and then done NOTHING to change said situation...I am NOT the attention freak that you seem to be.. Wow....some strong words there MrsW....sleep well. I will be sleeping very well. Good night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you ma'am...I will sleep very well, with a CLEAR CONSCIENCE I might add! Hasta Luego! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W Yawn...not quite asleep yet. Hey do you know this verse MrsW?
1John 1:9
9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Amazing isn't it? When we confess our sins, we are forgiven and purified from ALL unrighteousness. Love it! Off to sleep....nighty night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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if he followed the exposure advice on this site, that would be the last thing he ever did in this marriage. Lemme guess, author WS or <cough> <cough> FORMER WS? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
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I'm new here and the one in the marriage that had the [color:"blue"]encounter[/color] Welcome to MB, WeCanSurvive. I have a question for you, since this is only your second post and you haven't given us a background to your situation: Would you please define "encounter"? This is hilarious. An "ENCOUNTER"! LOL I thought I'd heard it all. A quest, a sabbatical from marriage, a treck, and now ..... drum roll ...... AN ENCOUNTERJust wondering WCS, are there degrees for your "encounters"? Like of the 3rd kind. LOL
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if he followed the exposure advice on this site, that would be the last thing he ever did in this marriage. Lemme guess, author WS or <cough> <cough> FORMER WS? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I know Jo...GAG...This is one of the most arrogant statements that I have ever read by a F?WS...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> The rest of it is just Deja MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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if he followed the exposure advice on this site, that would be the last thing he ever did in this marriage. Lemme guess, author WS or <cough> <cough> FORMER WS? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I know Jo...GAG...This is one of the most arrogant statements that I have ever read by a F?WS...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> The rest of it is just Deja MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W Yeah Mrs. W. Of course it would be called an ENCOUNTER, that deminishes any responsibility for making a choice to have an affair. Example: "I was walking in the park one day when I encountered a hole that I fell in to. Wasn't my fault. Damn hole"
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"I was walking in the park one day when I encountered a hole that I fell in to.
Wasn't my fault. Damn hole" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...Now THAT "so cracked me up" and it is SOOOOO TRUE!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> LMAO!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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1John 1:9
9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Amazing isn't it? When we confess our sins, we are forgiven and purified from ALL unrighteousness. Love it! Off to sleep....nighty night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> So in that case 2B, why does your conscience clearly eat at you like it does. I don't think anyone is saying you will go to ****** 2B if you don't do this. I don't think God will condemn you. Your conscience is though. Your choice. Nicely seared now no doubt. Goodbye 2B and good luck.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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What happends without exposure to the Op's spouse?
.... sometimes, even after years ... the affair resumes .... and voila' .... you have an opportunity to write a THIRD NO CONTACT letter to the OM (as in Suzet's case) .... but still .... no letting OM's wife know ....
danger danger danger
here is my response to that decision....well
I am disappointed
but certainly
not
surprised
so your BH was a job-site "whisle-blower", who was willing to sacrifice his position at work in order to "do the right thing"
where is that "whistle-blower" fellow today ? The guy who stands up for what is right?
instead ... he plans to threaten to blow the whisle ... if the OM tries to make another love connection with his WANDERING-WIFE who he ADORES !!!
Does this seem incongruous to anyone else that a once-cuckold husband would NOT take ACTION to extinquish the infidelity flame 100% when given the chance ???
seems extraordinarily odd to me
Suzet* hunny ... did you argue the point HARD & furious with your BH that exposure to the OM wife would put a nail in the affair coffin & that zombie would never walk again?
How hard did you fight for exposure Suzet* ???
I am wondering ... if I took a poll here and asked the betrayed men what they would prefer to do in this circumstance ... what percentage would answer ... do nothing but "threaten" at the next invasion into his home .... strange ... smells like your BH is not the "whisle-blower" when it comes to standing up for his own marriage .... how odd !
It seems to me Suzet* ... that by agreeing to non-exposure ... your BH has agreed to leave YOU vulnerable ... why does he not choose to PROTECT HIS WIFE ????
what did you do to influence this Suzet* ???
Your back is NOT protected here.... no ... it is not protected at all.
Pep
leave that vulnerability exposed ???????
why
why
why
why
makes NO sense which means
nonsense
Pep Pep, the following post I’ve send to MEDC a while ago on 2Bnormal’s thread might help to answer your questions and doubts (regarding my situation and the reason there was no exposure to OMW): Posted by Mkeverydaycnt:
As far as the rest of your post... I understand where you are coming from Suzet... I truly do... but I honestly feel that if you went to your H and said... I feel this needs to be done to protect our M, to do what is right by the other woman, to make me feel that I have corrected a horrible thing I did to her... etc, etc,,,that you would eventually get that agreement from your H. And Dr. Harley is isn't shy in using the word ALWAYS. Thanks for your understanding MEDC… I had all those discussions (you’ve mentioned above) with my H and he understands my feelings and concerns. However, I also understand his concerns/feelings on this either. The greatest concern is that OM is the type of person who WILL make a court case against me and/or my H for an attempt to “break up his M”…especially since we have NO solid PROOF of an EA (I didn’t kept the e-mails except the doc I still have in Word which will not serve as solid proof since anyone can edit the contents of such document). And because of my H’s current unemployment (for more than 2,5 years now) and his Unfair Dismissal court case which is still ongoing, we can’t take the risk of further financial stress etc. at this stage. The reason we know the OM will make a court case is because previously, he has made two court cases against his line manager. He did this just because he resented the circumstances in his work place and felt unfairly treated for some reasons. In the end he lost both cases (he know beforehand his cases were not good) but it appeared he had gone through with those two cases anyway to frustrate his line-manager and to “make a point”. That’s why I was originally thinking of an anonymous letter in stead but my H said such can be tracked down too (fingerprints etc.) Thereafter I have spoken to a friend of mine (she is a BW and used to post on MB - living in the same country than me – I still have regular contact with her). I’ve asked her to read my threads and she offered to help and assist us (by sending OMW an anonymous letter from her town) should me and my H ever decide to make use of her offer. I’ve mentioned this to my H and he said he will keep it in mind in case it becomes necessary in future. So far the OM has not tried to pursue me again since I’ve send him the NC-letter in June.
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Suzet - why do you continue to assume people do not "understand" your position. When will you realise that we (myself anyway) understand perfectly but do not agree with it?
Do you really think Pep cannot read for herself and form an opinion? Do you thing endlessly repeating posts probably everyone posting on this thread has read does anything to convince people who disagree with your inaction of anything?
You seem to think that you are misunderstood because obviously if we understood we would agree with your position. Can I state for myself that I understand your stance perfectly but don't agree with it?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Anyone have an email address for the Harley's? I'd still like to request that SH or someone from his office post here on the board with clear guidance and respond to some of the questions pasted here.
If someone will provide the email address, I'll send the email, and post my email here so that it's clear what was said and to ensure that his response wasn't "led" by the email.
Thanks.
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BigK, the reason I’ve posted that post to Pep is because she posted the following and asked the following questions regarding my sitch: why ... oh why would a betrayed spouse deliberately choose to leave their spouse vulnerable to more contact????????
leave that vulnerability exposed ???????
why
why
why
why
makes NO sense which means
nonsense I assumed she was referring to my situation since she posted the above words directly after she’s quoted her post on my thread… And with her words “makes NO sense which means nonsense” she also implies (IMO) that I was lying about the fact that I couldn’t get my H to agree on exposure. Therefore I just wanted to clear up any false perceptions anyone might have formed about my situation because of her post… That’s all. And it wasn’t “endless” repeating posts, it was just one post I never repeated before until today on this thread. It’s okay with me if people understand my position but don’t agree with it. I don’t have any problem with that. My question is, what exactly are you (and others) don't agree with: 1. The fact that we didn’t expose to the OMW? (Which I can understand 100% since I’m also in favor of exposure to the OPS) OR 2. The fact that exposure might lead to a court case by OM and put our financial circumstances further in jeopardy – something we can’t risk right now with my H’s unemployment and ongoing Unfair Dismissal court case?
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It’s okay with me if people understand my position but don’t agree with it. I don’t have any problem with that. I think you have a huge problem with it actually. You started a call out thread to me and MEDC about it. I have seen other threads where you argue vehemently the same justifications for your actions. Your own thread Your own quoted 2B thread. It is as if you seek to educate people because they do not agree with your position. Some people will never agree with your position. Some people will tell you you should have exposed to OM'sW. Some will say you should have NC. You respond to that be showing disbelief. If only they heard what I said (again) surely they would not have that view. WHereas in fact, they have (I have) heard your view time and time again and merely do not agree with your chosen actions. The implication is that you think if people understood your position they would agree with your actions.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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It’s okay with me if people understand my position but don’t agree with it. I don’t have any problem with that. I think you have a huge problem with it actually. You started a call out thread to me and MEDC about it. No, I did not start that call out thread because you and MEDC disagreed with my sit, but because you both said false things about me and my sit which I wanted to point out... I have seen other threads where you argue vehemently the same justifications for your actions. BigK, what exactly do you consider “justifications” for my actions? The fact that me and my H didn’t go through with exposure because of the reasons I’ve stated in my post to Pep above? So, are you also implying that my H justifies too since he raised those issues as reasons/concerns not to expose at this stage? It is as if you seek to educate people because they do not agree with your position. I don’t try to “educate” anyone on my position. In stead, I try clear up any lies and false perceptions/assumptions/opinions/views people might have (or give through to others) about me or make (or imply) about me in their posts… As I said to you before, I feel I have the right to express my opinion too…especially if me or my situation are mentioned or discussed somewhere else. And I will continue to do so and rightfully defend myself should I feel it’s necessary…and should I feel any of the perceptions/assumptions/views about me is false… Some people will never agree with your position. That’s okay… As long as they don’t “attack” me about it or calling me names or make false judgments/assumptions about me because of it…(like some people did on the thread I started after the contact with OM, confession to my H and NC letter) You respond to that be showing disbelief. If only they heard what I said (again) surely they would not have that view. WHereas in fact, they have (I have) heard your view time and time again and merely do not agree with your chosen actions. The implication is that you think if people understood your position they would agree with your actions. Not true…and I don’t agree. Again, this is your personal perception and assumption about me which is not correct... But you are entitled to you own opinion.
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Email Title: Exposure Question
Content:
To: Joyce and Willard Harley
Hello!
I'm a former BS, and a member of your Marriage Builders Forum, and I'd like to ask for some assistance and clarification if anyone from your staff could spare the time to help us out.
There is currently a debate ongoing on the web forum around exposure...specifically exposure to the OPS well after the affair has ended and NC has been established. (years down the road seems to be the timeframe we're discussing).
The center question is what is the Marriage Builder's policy concerning exposing to the OPS if they weren't previously exposed to during the affair or the subsequent recovery? Is this a requirement (in that it should be done every time), something that is highly recommended, or something that is situationally dependent? Are there any circumstances that should be considered when deciding to do this? Who, specifically (FBS, FWS?) should do this exposure? If the FBS refused to allow it at the time of the affair or immediate recovery, does it become the responsibility of the FWS to do this? Is this considered a POJA issue? If so, is it MB's recommendation/requirement that it be done even if it's not something that one party or the other can agree on?
Case in point...if a FWS feels strongly that they should contact OPS to expose, years down the road after recovery has been in place, but the FBS feels strongly against it, what should be done?
Finally, what are the potential risks as you see them, if any?
What I REALLY hope is that a member of the MB team could consider posting on the MB forum in the GQII area to assist in resolving these questions. That way there is no question of the source or authenticity of the responses.
Thank you both for your time, and I look forward eagerly to your responses!
-Owl
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MEDC said: I have seen many a BS spouse here (usually men) that are so distraught and weak from the experience of the A that they are afraid to demand anything from their WP's. They seem so happy to just have their partner back that they allow themselves to be snockered into not exposing the A to the OMP. MEDC, I'll buy your theory all the way up until the OM re-contacts the WW wife a second, a third, or a fourth time (even years later a'la Kiwi & Suzet).... by then the "glow" of having their lovely wife back home has tarnished with the realization that the affair zombie has not been killed ... it still gets up out of the grave and walks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> ... and still .... NON-exposure is the choice ... makes no sense to me when a man could choose to protect his wife from harm ... and he choses not to do so. Pep
Last edited by Pepperband; 08/30/06 09:43 AM.
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MEDC said: I have seen many a BS spouse here (usually men) that are so distraught and weak from the experience of the A that they are afraid to demand anything from their WP's. They seem so happy to just have their partner back that they allow themselves to be snockered into not exposing the A to the OMP. MEDC, I'll buy your theory all the way up until the OM re-contacts the WW wife a second, a third, or a fourth time (even years later a'la Kiwi & Suzet).... by then the "glow" of having their lovely wife back home has tarnished with the realization that the affair zombie has not been killed ... it still gets up out of the grave and walks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> ... and still .... NON-exposure is the choice ... makes no sense to me when a man wants to protect his wife from harm ... and he choses not to do so. Pep There are a lot of wimps/selfish people in the world, sometimes it's nearly impossible to distinguish between the two categories. I exhibit no suprise when their methods [appeasement] fail them. They have as little credibility as their WS.
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