intexas,

Check with an occupational therapist if you have concerns about fine motor issues. The school can have him "screened" for free for you. They don't provide services for just that, but they might be able to give you some ideas to help him develop his skills. The things they will have him do will be fun, not 'work' stuff.

You might want to look online for fine motor activities for kids his age. There are lots of things that are really fun that can build his skills, and he won't even know that it is actually work.

SB

Texas, This year, I'm working as a paraeducator in the Kindergarten at the local elementary. We have several kids that are very young. The cutoff in our district is 5 by September 30. You can certainly tell which ones are the youngest.

Kids are asked to do so much more in Kindergarten than my kids ever had to. Reading and writing starts on Day 1. There's no blocks, no naps, no fingerpainting and precious little free time. Some of them just aren't ready for it. It seems the littlest are there because K is sooooo much cheaper than daycare.

Such age and developmental gaps make it hard for teachers. A kid who can't sit still can start to feel like a "bad" kid because they are disciplined a great deal. Kindergarten is all about following the rules. Believe me, I'm the mean lady with the whistle at recess. Some kids just aren't ready for it. When we deal with a class of 25 kids, you have to be tough. The kiddos have to toe the line. Of course, these kids are smart as all get out. Every parent thinks their kids is a genius. Kids can be made to learn but what other brain development do they give up? A lot of the time, all they need is time.

My advice is to work closely with your teacher. Get yourself in the mindset that this is a practice year. Don't let the school move your kid ahead if you aren't comfortable with his progress. He will nearly catch up at the end of the year but will be behind at the start of the next year. I think it's a whole lot better to be the oldest in a class than the youngest. Kindergarten is really the place to hold back if you can.

I have a friend who told me this when she was in her 30's. All of her school life, she thought she was the stupidest kid in the class. In retrospect, she was simply the youngest. The gift of a year would have made a big difference to her.

Hi everyone,
I went to a pto meetig tonight--the kinders were introduced by the 5th graders. Ben was so cute. He is such a precious child. He is in need of lots of attention more than my other boys, and I fear that this whole mess hurts him more than I know.

Thank you everyone for your input. I appreciate the comments and really think I found something that has helped. I found a website that had letter stories--how to form the letters by making a story for each. Now mind you, his writing is still big, crooked, etc, but he gets the idea. I just will keep praising him and keep practicing with him.

I have something completely else I want to post about, but will post it in a seperate reply so I can seperate the two.

Thanks again everyone.

11 days to the big D. It's been changed to the 29th. A friday, which is good. I'll have some time off to just mope. Let's face it, it still hurts--the finality of it all. Even though I know it is what should happen now, there is still this loss.

I half expected stbx to be trying the "I love you" bit again. Quite the opposite--he is taking the kids around her--out to pizza, shopping, looking at puppies, playing at her house, etc. Even told me tonight to get used to it-she is gonna be in my life.

But like a true student of MB, I know this will not last. I know he is filling himself up with idols, so to say. Quick fixes of his sinful nature--and sadly, at this point, I think to only egt back at me for not wanting him back because he was still with her.

You see, many times he has said the words we all here want to hear--I want to come home. Or, I made a mistake. I miss you. I love you. Etc. But his actions NEVER, sadly NEVER folowed suit. Never. Like he was just grasping at the first one to make a move to take care of him. And I learned here I was not gonna enter into false recovery territory. That's some painful stuff.

It's so sad, you know. So stupid. So selfish. And for some insane reason (I chalk it up to the fact that I really am a nice person) I feel so sad for him. Even still I hate to think what he has done to himself. He had it all. We had a great future. Why?

I guess it is all a simple three letter word--unrepented SIN.

Apart from God we are capable of anything.

At first, that statement held me hoping a bit longer. Now, it is a sad reality.

He, can you believe this, has the nerve to say that in 11 days I'll be happy because I will finally have what I always wanted.

HUH?

It's fog. But maybe it is like the fog in the Grand Banks off the island of Newfoundland, Canada--the foggiest place in the world.

Anyway, just journaling here I guess. One of them nights.

IT, my son is as smart as can be.....At 4, he had the vocabulary or a 6-1/2 year old and the articulation of a 2 year old. And handwriting, well, that is more like code.

At 5-1/2, he still wasn't ready for kindergarten so I held him back and it was a great decision.

My sister, on the other hand, was recommended for retention in kindergarten but my parents chose not to do it. As a result, she had to repeat 1st grade. Was very traumatic. These things do not, in either case, have to do with smartness. But, rather, with maturity.

Also, my son went to a fabulous school for children with learning differences. They used the ARL system. A---- Readiness for Learning. They taught cursive in kindergarten. Triangles and circles are not something all 5 year olds can do. They can do loops and ovals more easily.

Different parts of the brain mature at different ages. It may be that the part of your son's brain that controls those fine motor skills is not yet ready for writing.

Thanks for the concern about Ben.

Your son sounds much like my Ben. He has a vocabulary that is amazing, though speaks pretty clearly. He really has made some great progress just this past week. I am not pressuring him. I encourage him and tell him he is doing a great job. I also will hold him back if advised, but the teacher is giving me a good report so far. She says he is one of the best-behaved in the class : ) (proud mommy moment) and a great helper.

I think the perfectionist in me is gonna have to take a back seat and let him just be a five year-old. That is why I didn't sign him up for the after-school enrichment--it's till 5:30 everyday. Can you imagine--more school after the poor little guy is most likely exhausted? I let him come home and play and dress up in him army guy stuff, or swim in the tub with his sea life animals, etc.

That's one great thing about my job, as tough as it is sometimes, it allows me to work full-time and stay at home woth my kids--a unique blessing for a single mom.

Again, thanks for checking in on us. Sometiems I wish I oculd meet you all irl. Maybe I'll go check out the photo thread and add one of me sometime. I'd leke to see a face to the names.

Intexas....

you truly are awesome...

your only unredeeming quality is that whole Texas thing...

ARK

Don't tell Mel, but I am a Northener by birth --Chicago native, then an army brat nomad for 18 years, and a Texan because of college and marriage. Though I gotta say, despite being stuck here with no family in miles (parents live in Ohio, brother in Chicago) I do like the area I live in. I am in central tx, so I am close to lots of big cities.

Have you ever been to TX? One thing I still don't get is the number of stars on people's houses--they are EVERYWHERE!!! If you'd like one, I am sure we can arrange to send you one for above your garage.

Intexas

P.S Thanks for the kind words.

Hi all.

Went to the lawyer today to sign papers afterall--his attorney wants to now finalize so stbx doesn't have to take off work. So Wednesday will be the day. Gulp. That's soon.

I, though, may have put another rubber duckie in the bathtub since I didn't (again) agree to the new decree. Stbx put in there a request for his wages not to be garnished through the state--basically, the letter said he would just on good faith pay me $443 per month (that went down even more) child support on good faith. AKA--trust me, I'll pay you. Umm? Does he think I've been spending the last 13 months at stupid school?

He also conveniently left out the 18 month and 3 year provisions for Elliot's visitation. Ugh.

I signed, but with initials on an addendum that hopefully he will initial as well. If he doesn't, we will be in mediation. Otherwise, it can be uncontested and I can not have to go to court. Going to court really terrifies me in this context.

I am clinging to the knowledge that life is full of ups and downs (and way downs like this), so eventually I should be expecting some ups. Even a mini-up would be nice right now.

Does anyone else hate night time? It's the worst for me. the kids are asleep and it's just me. I am working, but work is often quiet by the later hours. Sure there is a mountain of laundry, letters to be written, lots to do, but those all are solitary activities.

And my single girlfriend that went through the same sitch at the same time (my late-night phone encourager) is dating seriously some guy 15 years her senior, and is always not answering her phone. Though she did suggest we have a weenie roast next week to help put the past behind us. While this made me smile (admit it--you did too) I don't think I'll be up to roasting weenies.

Intexas

Oh, I don't know, Ms InTexas, a good weenie roast might be JUST what you need!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

HI.

Got a few questions, well..kind of.

STBX called and said I am trying to "screw him over" since I didn;t agree to the wage thing--said that as a car salesman, his pay is all wacky, and basically I will never get garnished the same amount each week, and it is easire for him to just pay me-------BUT, I know he won't pay me on time, etc. and I know it is smart to go through the AG.

CAse in point--this week--today--CS is due. he said on the phone that he did not have the money for his own bills, so he couldn't give me money to help pay mine. (He thinks he is helping ME. when we all know it costs money to pay for three kiddos). So why should I expect him to pay me regularly?

Anyone know anything about the whole CS thing and car salesman-like jobs. STBX says he gets four checks--weekly--and a final check. But CS can never be for more than half of a given check--yet some weeks he might get only $45. So how will I get the full $443 (ugh, that's low) a month like that? Anyone have knowledge inthis?

I called my lawyer, but I haven't heard back from her yet. She was going to call his back first.

This is supposed to be over wednesday.

oh ~boohoo~

big baby

invite him to the weenie roast if his "widdle fweewings awe huurt"

he got what he wanted

his "freedom"

oopsie ... price tag not so f'ing good

should have thought of that sooner <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Pep

The AG's office knows how to calculate these things correctly, even with a weird pay schedule like his. I'm sure he's not the first commissioned guy to owe child support. Let them handle it, or he'll be constantly giving you he11 about it.

My guess is that he'll hve to make up the difference in weeks that his paycheck isn't high enough to cover the total garnishment amount. And he'll have to send that through the AG's office, too.

Don't take on another burden that you don't have to. Let them do the calculating and keeping up with what he owes or hasn't paid, etc. And they'll also go after him for you when he doesn't pay -- more hassle that you won't have to deal with. No reason for you to have to worry about that.

-AmI.

Concur with AmI,

AG's office must have a way to calculate things.

Though I am an attorney I don't have much experience in collections and/or child support.

As an employer I know garnishments are a pain in the behind. Especially if they have to compute it on multiple checks. However, they (his employer) are legally obligated to get it right or owe you themselves.

Just an idea to throw the resposibility for ending the garnishment back in his lamp perhaps you MAY want to discuss with your lawyer about how long it would take to reinstitute garnishments for CS if you ever withdrew it. Then you could propose to STBXH that if he wants the garnishment removed then he can simply (as if it really that simple) pay you say 3 months CS in advance and a "CS Security Deposit). He must then continue to pay weekly commencing immediately without compulsion (garnishment) and if he ever falls 2 months in arrears then you will reinstitute the garnishment (assuming 2 months is long enough to do that per your attorney). Then any costs to reinstitute the garnishment will be deducted from his "deposit" with you. Finally, the "deposit" or CS advance payments will be applied to his final CS payments when the court deems them completed (youngest child reaches 18). Such a plan then puts the onus on HIM to come up with the deposit or continue to let the garnishment stand. You've proposed a reasonable solution...his choice to take it or not. Of course, hide behind your attorney a bit when stating it as in "My Attorney said this is the only way...."

Again, discuss this with your own attorney. I have no experience in this, I am just trying to come up with a creative way to avoid XH on-going hostility. Remember, employers HATE garnishments and him losing his job will mean you get nothing for awhile and all sorts of other problems collecting. Creative problem solving demonstrates willingness to work with him so he can't blame YOU and make you and the kids suffer further.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

Hi, intexas. I hope you get it figured out soon. In my state, I think they go by an average of the noncustodial parent's income... OT, fringe benefits, etc over a certain period of time to come up with the payment. Here, it's by the month, so it averages out. Since XH has an hourly-paid job with a lot of OT, that's how they figured it for us.

Thanks everyone.

He has been at this job for three weeks, so they figured the Cs at only 443 just on his base salary--no average to go by. Kindof stinky if you ask me, and the reason I think he is rushing it now.

I think I can have himmonthly send the check to AG's office, and they will send me a check from there. But then what happens if he doesn;t send it--kind of why I wanted it automatic.

MrW--I kind of think he will be a job hopper of sorts. Car sales will not pay for his needs, three kids, etc. I could be wrong, but he's a major quitter.

When he called again, I told him to to talk to my lawyer--she was doing the work for this for me. He got soooo angry, but I can't take this on myself.

You know, I HATE all of this. Maybe this is a whiney moment coming on, but why did it even have to come to this? Why couldn;t he be a man that stands by his promises--and when it all came out in thelight--why did he have to be a coward? Is it that hard to do what is right?

Sorry, guys. I'm getting down in the dumps here lately.

It's OK to get down in the dumps sometimes, intexas, as long as you come back up for air! Please know that this is a safe place to vent.

(((intexas)))

Thanks Shimmy. I have the hardest time with sometimes because I still like to think the best of him--even thought he has repeatedly shown me that he isn;t a man of his word--that he ai't got the cajones to be a man and do what is right--

I think I get caught here at that thought because I see him--as I see everyone--as loved by God, in need of God--like I just know he can be this good guy if he'd let God change him--but then I think again to our whole dating. married life, and realize these patterns were always there. So was I decieved? Is it harmful/wrong to thinkof others like this? Does this set me up for heartache?

Am I making any sense? Probably not. Sometimes I just want to scream he makes me so angry and I am so hurt, but then I think--man--he's just so buried in sin-he needs Jesus again in his life. I hope it's a sign that I've got a good heart and not that I'm weak. Know what I mean?

I know I will be divorced in less than two days. Nothing short of GOd's hand himself skywriting it in the sky will change that--and I'm okay and know this is what has to happen--but I still keep gpoing back to the why? Not why for me--but why did he have turn from his family/friends/God/vows?

Okay, that was major rambling/venting/whatever,....butit does help knowing you guys care.

IT,

Is your court date still today? If so, my prayers are with you (they are anyways). I have been following your thread on and off and have been hoping things work out for you.

dear intexas.....im sorry i didnt see this sooner. my hubby runs a dealership and im sorry to tell you you are not being told the whole thing about pays. let me explain....each employee is given a "draw" weekly. what that is is an advance on what they are projected to make...like an advance. an example....if the dealership thinks the least they will make in a month is 2,000.00 they will advance them 500.00 every week for five weeks and then they will get the rest if they actually made more in the form of a commission check at the end of the month or the beginning of the next month. it is rare that a salesman actually "owes" money back at the end of the month. the dealership will get rid of them before that actually really happens. i would also talk to the attourney about what will happen if he does well and actually really starts making money doing this??? can it be built into the divorce or do you have to go back to court to get cs raised??

and just as an aside....the hours of the average car salesman suck!! lol it is the number 2 killer of marriages right up there behind infidelity i think.lol if he has a social life...he wont for long.........

if you have any other questions about the dealership or the life....ask away....