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Yes, Pep, I love him dearly and with all my heart. That's why I don't want to hurt him by telling him.
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Yes, Pep, I love him dearly and with all my heart. That's why I don't want to hurt him by telling him. Are you willing to lie & deceive him .... the rest of your life? Pep
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We have a very honest, open relationship now; I think it was something that was lacking before. We have grown so much in the past few years that I just don't want to ruin it or hurt him.
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Are you willing to lie/deceive your husband that you love, for the rest of your life?
A. yes
B. no
C. not sure
Pep
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We have a very honest, open relationship now; I think it was something that was lacking before. We have grown so much in the past few years that I just don't want to ruin it or hurt him, by being honest, so instead I choose to be dishonest.
You backed yourself into a corner ... what are you going to do about that?
Pep
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We have a very honest, open relationship now; I think it was something that was lacking before. We have grown so much in the past few years that I just don't want to ruin it or hurt him. Its not real, its a sham. I'm not saying his side isn't honest, but we certainly know yours isn't. When you say you don't want to hurt him, you already did. Its simply a matter of time before he finds out. And the more time it takes, the more hurt he will feel. And, when he finds out and it doesn't come from you, the harder it will be to recover from it. Trust in your marriage will be in very short supply. You have an opportunity afforded you, take it now before life does it for you.
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You know what I haven't heard anyone ask?
"How do YOU feel about him being dishonest to you about his past??"
He lied to me because he didn't want to hurt me...........
I found out after he relapsed all about his drug past.........from his ex-wife.
Didn't I have the right to hear it from him?
It hurt me BAD when I heard the truth........
I guess I'll take my chances. My marriage is working & I truly believe it always will.
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No, your marriage is not working. It is based on lies and deceit, not love and honesty. His lie to you is irrelevent to this issue.
Honesty is the solution to adultery, not more lies.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Didn't I have the right to hear it from him?
It hurt me BAD when I heard the truth........ Doesn't he have a right to hear it from you? Or does this "right" only apply to you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He lied to me because he didn't want to hurt me........... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> nice try Pep
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That is exactly what he told his family - "If she knows the truth, it will kill her" He told them NOT to tell me about his past..........
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Mx4,
One has nothing to do with another. Having an affair is your responsibility. It was your choice, and a bad one, in dealing with unhappiness in your marriage. You had other choices but you CHOSE to betray your H and marriage by having an affair. But mostly you betrayed yourself.
Now you have this burden of conscience weighing on you. Good. Thats a good thing, deal with it. Go through the pain and hurt it will take to recover by being honest with your husband about it. There's no other way to make it right then to go through it.
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That is exactly what he told his family - "If she knows the truth, it will kill her" He told them NOT to tell me about his past.......... So, you then expect us to believe you when you use the same excuse? Sorry, but its not working. We already know this bullcrap. Either quit trying to bullsh** us or at least be a little more creative. This is not even good bullcrap.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I disagree. One has a lot to do with the other! Yeah it was my responsibility, and yeah I made a huge mistake. I just don't want him paying for my mistake the rest of his life. He made mistakes that affected me, also. When you hurt someone, it doesn't matter what you did to hurt them, they are still hurting!!! Pain is pain!
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I don't really care if you think I'm lying, that is the exact reason..........His mother wouldn't lie to me.
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If you ask Dr. Laura, I believe she would tell you not to tell your H. She would probably tell you it would be selfish to tell because you would only be trying to relieve your guilty conscience. Most folks here will advise that you tell him...as you have heard. One of MB's rules for a successful marriage includes the Rule of Honesty. This includes historical honesty. There can be growth through the pain. I know that I want to have Radical Honesty in my marriage. Read this: [color:"red"] Four Rules for a Successful Marriage [/color]
Last edited by Trix; 08/25/06 08:10 PM.
Married 1976
Me:BS
Him:FWS
MB Weekend March 2003
2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82
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What is wrong with the underlying principle that it is right to lie to those we love when it comes to covering up our own sins... [color:"green"] Tommy, son, did you take money from my purse & use it to buy candy? [/color] [color:"red"] No Momx4, I did not take your money and use it to buy 2 Snickers and some gum.[/color] [color:"green"] Tommy, Mrs Jones saw you buying candy with a $20 bill. My purse is missing a $20 bill ... and you don't have money of your own! You have chocolate all over your shirt and there are 2 Snickers wrapers on the floor in the kitchen![/color] [color:"red"] I did not want to lie to you Momx4. [/color] [color:"green"] Then tell me son, why did you lie to me? [/color] [color:"red"] I did not want to hurt you Momx4, so I lied to you. I lied to you because I love you Momx4. [/color] [color:"green"] Oh, I see. What a good boy you are! [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Pep
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Mx4 wrote:
I don't really care if you think I'm lying, that is the exact reason..........His mother wouldn't lie to me. You mean similar to how you wouldn't lie to your husband. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> C'mon, you're here because you have demons about betraying your husband. Do you think those demons are gonna just go away? I can guarantee you they won't. They will get worse, and you'll constantly be wondering WHEN he'll find out. What a loving close intimate marriage THAT makes.
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I don't really care if you think I'm lying, that is the exact reason..........His mother wouldn't lie to me. Sure she would! If she loves you, she'll lie to you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Pep
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..........His mother wouldn't lie to me. Isn't lying proof of her love!? lol
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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