DH and I have now been separated for two months. I miss him so much my heart aches. He remains in a relationship with OW and I want to "fight" for him. It's not a game to me, this is our lives we are talking about. We've been together for 22 years! If ever there might have been doubt that I loved him, there is none now. I love him with all of my being.

Yesterday I had a small glimmer shown to me. DH was going to take our 15 DD for a walk and I asked if I could join, he said yes! It was so good to be near him. Conversation wasn't the greatest, but not bad either.

Any suggestions on how to proceed? We have contact, mainly through email and it is civil. On occasion I will add in my feelings, so he knows where I stand.

thanks in advance!

The affair almost always ends, so you can be very hopeful. In the meantime, it is better to just get on with your life and hope he will join you.

Have you exposed the affair?

The affair was exposed to both myself, our daughter, the OW's husband and her children, four months ago.

Good. Then you just need to wait it out. It will end. But be sure to guard your heart, and do nice things for yourself so that you don't lose your love for him.

Thank you Believer! Patience has never been a strong point for me, but I'm trying. I read somewhere on this site awhile ago that affairs, once revealed, last an average of six months. So I've got that figure in my head. Two more months. Then re-evaluate.

bsa, what happened after you exposed the affair to the OWH? Did you expose to your H's parents, family and close friends? What is the status of the OW's marriage?

I was actually the last one to find out. The OW's husband and family knew before I did. They all started phoning me after my husband gave me the news. OW immediately left her husband. Mine left two months later. Live in separate communities. Workplace is involved, on a weekly basis.

Do they work together? Has the affair been exposed to the workplace? What about to his parents, your parents, his family, etc?

Where does OW live?

I think the whole world knows. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Who told the workplace? What was said? Who told his parents?

He told his workplace and his father. My MIL is no longer living. I told my parents and friends.

Have you spoken to his father yourself to find out if he was told the true story?

And I highly doubt he did tell his own workplace, and if he did, it likely wasn't the truth. What does he do? Do they work together?

I spoke with the other people in his office and the truth was told. His father knows the truth and ironically, is "proud", as he did the same to his wife during their marriage. The OW was hired as part time staff during dh's busy time at work, in his second office, in her community.

so, Human Resources KNOWS they have a workplace affair that leaves them open to a sexual harrassment lawsuit and they have no issues with this?? They have been officially informed that your H is having an affair with a female subordinate? Who exactly was told at work? Or is this just an officeplace rumor?

very small business; 1 partner, who knows and had to deal with OW's husband (client) and two other employees. OW was, at time of reveal, terminated by partner.

gotcha! sorry for all the questions, bsa, I was trying to see if there were any unturned stones here.

Do you know what it is about the OW that attracted him to her? What was your marriage like before this happened? What needs do you think she is meeting?

No worries. It's helpful to have an unbiased third party.

I was neglect in the last few years of showing my husband how I felt about him. We'd more or less become roommates. It was all about family and no couple time. OW meets his recreational needs, most definetely. I have a disability that prevents me from doing many of the things he loves to do. And I believe, from what he told me, and his family told me, she took advantage of the state of our marriage and pursued him. Boosting his ego, etc. Emotional and sexual.

This has been a huge eye opener for me and I will NEVER be neglect in letting him know how I feel. I just need the opportunity to show him and prove it.

If you were to take the emotional needs questionaire AS HIM, what do you think he would identify as his top needs? And how well did you meet those needs?

Do you have the Harley books? How versed are you in Plan A and avoiding lovebusters?

What things are you doing to attract him? Do you act pleasant and look pretty when you see him? How does the house look when he comes over?

Can you expand on this and help me understand what you mean? When you say you did not show him how you feel, do you mean you did not admire or praise him enough?

When the affair was first reveal, my husband and I read several books together and started marriage counselling. He did do the questionaire. I can't find it anywhere so he must have destroyed it. But from memory, I think it was 1)recreational 2) emotional 3) physical

I didn't meet them at all. As I said above, I have a disability that prevents me from doing most of the recreational things he likes to do. The last few years we didn't do anything as a couple; didn't talk intimately, didn't touch. I can look back now and see him asking for attention and me turning him down. Why, I don't know, and need to figure out, because never would I have imagined to be in this situation now. I have always loved him but didn't show it. Didn't tell him, didn't touch him, didn't tell him I appreciated him. Basically, took him for granted.

My husband did say to me, that he wished he had said a year ago, exactly how SERIOUS our situation was. Then the OW came into the picture and has had a "hold" on him ever since.

So now I am telling him how I feel, what he means to me. Trying to do it in a non desperate way. I am keeping the house clean, doing outside chores that he always did. I'm always dressed when he comes to get the our daughter/dog (I'm a shift worker and spent a lot of time in my pjs). I'm starting to spend more time on my hair and makeup. Have been seriously overweight for years but have lost 15 pounds since he's left and am getting more active by walking out dog every evening.

Yes we read the books several months ago. I have tried to sit down and re read but my concentration level is so low right now that I'm struggling with that.

thanks again for your posts. will check back tonight.