[Only if you are wiling to be *really* wicked]

MIL,

Suggest OMname seek less expensive prostitution visit if he is unwilling or unable to fund said visits alternatively WWname can negotiate price/have $$transfer to account prior to services.

In either case said prostitution is breach of marital contract and all husband responsiblity is therefore null and void.

The equation is simple...reward (meet need) for only good behavior. Extinguish the bad behavior (do not meet the need). Ex: She wants money...a) is it for a real need? Is it for food for the children? Is it for her to go grocery shopping? or b)is she funneling family monies for the affair?

What I'd do? I'd give her a gift card to the grocery store so she was RELEGATED to buying only what she needs...

Let her do the entitlement dance all the woman wants...You don't buy it. You do NOT love bust. You are nice. You give her only the one choice. She will learn. Trust me. One quote I love is from Dr. Phil...WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US...we sure do!

And with a wS? what do we do? Many times we appease the monster and we reward the monster...even if by accident. But if we did not give anything to the monster and only rewarded the ws when they were NOT behaving as a ws...we might get a different response from their behaviors...such as them BEING TAUGHT HOW TO TREAT US...and right now? You're teaching her how to show respect. Sounds cruel and authoritative I know...but you are having to do all that...along with NO calls to OM in your house! That is paramount!

have you continued to re expose to the OMW? Have you continued? It will for sure get him kicked out early...before he's gotten enough $$ to move out...that would be HUUUUUGE.

Work with your lawyer to determine exactly how much you're OBLIGATED to cover of her expenses. Perhaps setup the payment plan THRU YOUR LAWYER instead of directly from you.

This way you have an accurate record of what's being paid when, and for what. Not to mention it's a PITA for your WW and there's nothing she can do to get around it.

You are documenting ALL of this, yes? A daily journal of all of these interactions, requests for money, comments by WW and kids, etc...?

If not, get it started. It'll pay off big time if this does end up in D.

I am documenting everything I can. I am at 11 pages of daily logs. I also have all her info from her OM and their myspace pages that they posted pictures from their visit.


I would really like to know what the outome is with a WS that is deep into fantasy vs a WS that seems to fantasize about the A but lives mostly in reality.

She is not doing much of any reality living right now and keeps running to OM when kids or me cause conflict.

So last night I am suppose to pick up girls from WW part time job as a Gymnastics Coach... After the call to MIL about bank and talking to my lawyer about it. I was going to give WW some gas and grocery money. I was talking to my Sister on the way and told her that I was going to ask for the kids to spend the night as she doesn't get back from job until 8:30-9pm. She thought there was no way she would give them to me, because of her wanting to fight for custody and only give me every other weekend and a few nights during the week.

So I get to the gym, I wave her over, she immediately thinks I want to rub it in about the bank overdraft, I say no that is not it, I would like to know if the girls could spend the night and I would take them to school in the morning.. I then handed her the 20$ and told her I would provide a Walmart gift card for her shopping needs... She looked tired and warn down - its that time of month - hope OM experienced it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


She agreed and I left with the kids. I called my sister back and said I got them overnight, she said its only been 5 minutes, I said I know my Wife. Took them shopping and to dinner and then home (my home)

I fell into a bit of sadness and depression last night after the kids went to bed but I quickly got myself out of it..

I am tried a Modified Plan B - no talking except for kid stuff.

I am taking the kids to the doctor today after school, I made the appointment and I am keeping it. Then I will take the kids back home (her home, my old house)

She still doesn't have a job, don't know if she is looking. We have been separated since March 31 and she still says she wants to be independent and on her own with the girls. She never has been and always liked the fact someone (me) took care of things so she could be a kid at heart.

I miss her but I miss her less today than I did yesterday.

So I had the girls again last night, picked them up from school and took oldest to doctor's visit. Girls behaved for me and it was a pleasant trip. We got back to my apartment and the Cable guys were there so we soon had cable tv. Something I had moved from the house to the apartment. WW has no cable at the house and she LOVES her TV. So I am getting angry statements from her about that.

Well, about 8pm the girls wanted to know if they could spend the night again - they like the apartment. So WW wont give me her cell - OM is paying for it and she thinks I will harasser if I get it (NOT)) So I told my oldest to call MIL to have her call WW to callback daugheter. Gets the MIL involved in all this crap - she is WW enabler.

So WW called back and said she would be there shortly, daughter saw her pullup and waved to her from the balcony. WW started to get out of her SUV, I told her to go ahead and stay there... I will send the girls down to her.

I could tell from the distant and even with the darkness that this PISSED her off. She feels that she has some right to come to my apartment, not. I know this upsets my oldest because she wants to show mom her new room. A room her and I are working on decorating.

So girls left with WW and I went out with a vendor of mine, a good group of people we eat really good and talked until midnight.

This morning oldest called wanting to know if school was open becaue of Ernesto... Since they don't have cable and WW rabbit ears don't work, she relies on daughter calling me to find out about school. So I told them it was open regular, I heard WW say in the background I was wrong. So I called schools hotline again and verified then passed onto them the schoold number and ext for the hotline.

I had to drop off youngest daughter's folder at school and had a chance to talk to my 3rd graders teacher, who is struggling in math. She is doing better and her teacher thanked me for working with her, as daughter told her that daddy is the one working with her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I wish I knew if my WW was going to fall or not or if that this OM (truelove) was going to stick around. He is starting his divorce in NY and I think will be out of his house (living with STBEXW) and into his own bachelor's pad. So that would be a time when either WW would go more up there or he would start trimming her out.

Viking,

Very honorable of you. The whole sitch sucks.

I know it isn't fun calling the MIL but it is better then getting the kids involved.

You are a strong man and if the WW choses the scumbag OM over you then she is the one losing out.

It is weird how the WS or FWS can see every single flaw in the diamond they have but relish the cubic zarconia that is the OP.

I would rather have a diamond with some flaws then a cubic zarconia any day. Maybe she will realize this one day.

That is a fantastic metaphor...!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My WW is a cold heartless... I want to say more.

I am taking my oldest to a church youth-group lock-in and the other two are upset because they want to spend time with me, they want us to be a family, they want stability..... All the WW can do is piss and moan about me not giving her money and how she loves loves loves the OM.

This is only my first week of this, how are the kids suppose to survive. I wish she would move to NY with OM and get out of our lives.

end of my rant <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

VR,

From your earlier posts it sounds like you have pretty good perspective on all this. You're thinking about what you do and acting responsibly. Congrats. I only hope I do as well when my separation starts [soon]. Hang in there.

Smart move getting an apartment with a pool.

- WG

I wish I could say I feel better than I am planning for, but that is something that comes with the territory. Oldest and me had a great time lastnight, stayed up all night bowling and having a good time, I didn't smoother her but did do things with her. We decided to go to breakfast this morning with some friends. Now I have to go over to the house and clean up around the outside because we have a showing later today.

What I keep trying to remember is something people around her have said and friends of mine have said.... only you allow you to feel hurt not the person hurting you. You choose what hurts and what doesn't. When its words and actions those are things they are words they are emptyness how can they hurt you if you choose not to allow them to hurt.

I have to come out of the darkness a bit today to clean around the house but I will not speak or engage the alien, she wants to play a mind game that I am or would harass her or interfere with her, so I am not going to open that door up.... now this will irrate her, as she fits the WW pattern nicely... but I will maintain my boundary.

Our house was being shown today and one of our neighbors called me and told me that they couldn't get into the house. WW shut the garage door and they couldn't get in the backdoor. They let our dogs our, neighbor got them in. My daughters pony got out and was grazing in the front yard.... neighbor put him away but he got right back out.

Went over there to put him in a different pasture.... while there did some snooping... WW likes to doodle and has pages of I love OM WW + OM type crap... yeah I know my 32yr old WW sounds 16, yeah that it her.

Anyways WW and MIL and kids come down drive way to I go outside and tell them what happen, wasn't nasty but was immediately accused of it, so I repeated myself in a nice calm voice.

Kids were estatic to see me and gave me big hugs... her is hte problem part....

I NOTICED THAT WW HAD A RING ON HER WEDDING RING FINGER, it could have been a toy ring my daughter plays with or it could have been a ring from the OM. She has already stated to me and the kids that she would eventually want to marry OM (they have been reconnecting since June 25)

I didn't really say anything it just sank me down, I kissed the kids bye and came back to my apartment, my new sancturary.

I am tired from being up all night bowling with oldest and on top of that seeing any ring on WW ringer just got me down. In her fantasy world it would be her ultimate to be engaged right now. I don't think OM is that committed but who knows.

Anyways just wanted to rant

bump

Well I haven't seen the girls since a brief time on saturday. I talked to my 8yr old around noon, they were very bored and wanted to do something... I would love to have WW let me take them for the rest of the day but that wouldn't happen. My 8yr old said mommy is lying down waiting for OM to call... ouch.

The kids are starting to get a better view of how things are going to be with me out of the house, when I was there I would do things with them.

I took the cable with me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> So their is on Disney babysitter there for her.

WW account is still overdrawn, guess she needs to mow MIL lawn again, and again.

I get the kids tomorrow after school and I am going to see if they can stay with me wednesday night again.

The fog will burn off eventually. I'm sorry you married such a child. Your children are lucky to have you for a father.

Thanks, I knew I married a young hearted person but this has gone on along time.

She still doesn't have a job and we are getting close to having to foreclose on our house because we wont make a decision. She is a conflict avoider to the tenth.

Anyways, I think I will be getting more custody with the kids shortly either via negotiation or court.

here is a day out of my custody log.....

September 5 Picked up girls at 4pm from house, had them bring their school bags – even though they said home work was done. Jenn was mad at me for having mail forwarded to new address. I told her I would bring by any mail that was her’s, but most of the mail received is bills and household mail and the house will be vacated soon, so the mail needed to be forward. She ranted about getting her’s changed back, I said why back she needs to find a new place for it to go. Went to walmart, bought some steak for dinner. Went back to apartment to fix dinner. On way there girls were saying that I would get them a whole week in march, because Mommy was going to las Vegas with mr mike for his hockey tournament. Why is she telling the girls this? Why should they know, even when their mother will still be married at that time. Got girls back to apartment, they helped set table. I started dinner. Morgan and Katelyn went outside and played with friends. Jorden went to her room to hang out and hang a new poster. Got dinner done, girls came in cleaned up and sat down for dinner. Did our prayer and ate dinner. Girls asked if Natasha and her brother’s could come over and watch akella and the bee with us. So they went and asked and they could. Morgan and katelyn helped the boys (6 and 3) sit down and behave while they watched the movie. About 7:30 Katelyn asked to call grandma. I said sure, Jenn answered Katelyn started to beg to spend the night with me. So did morgan. I had to take high ground and said that this is not the plan we have a plan right now and we need to do it. I then asked Jorden to ask mom if she wanted me to drop them off at MIL or home, said MIL. I got the girls packed up and we headed to MIL. Morgan wanted to know if it was alright to call me later I said sure. Jorden asked if I was still going to right for more time with them, I asked how hard should I fight, she said until I win. Katelyn said she wanted more time with me and that mom is more interested in mr mike. I dropped the girls off at MIL

*sigh*

It sucks to read all that, man. It's good that you log it all, but yeah. Your WW is still a child. Very, very much so.

I feel your pain. You are doing the right thing, and you will win.

I hope my WW doesn't act the same way.

Here was quick addition to the log

Girls called at 8:30 to say good night. At 9:20 my six year old just called me 20 minutes after she went to bed... she hid her sister's cell phone under her pellow and called me to tell me she loves me and wants to see me tomorrow but mommy said that they wouldn't... it took me 3 minutes of I love and hang up to get her to hang up... she is so adorable she is starting to have a hard time with this as they all are and they are seeing the WW truly for what she it.... okay she just called me back again to make sure she knew I loves me and that I love her.

Journaling hint:

In court your WW may argue that an apartment complex is not as great environment for the children as the house she rented or she may try to find a way to disparage your complex, the neighbors or the other children there.

Meet neighbors. Document what they do. Document names and approximate ages. Be sure to do a criminal search (some states have on-line sex offender lists) of the complex. Note any renters listed and confirm whether they are there or not. Find out from management and neighbors who and where the problem tenants are. Check with the police.

All these things will make you appear the most conscientuous (sp?) parent AND dispel any argument WW's attorney comes up with about your apartment.

As a follow up. Whereever wife moves be sure to do the same thing to her residence. If there is an immediate danger than warn her of it in writing, otherwise, just document it for use in court if need be.

Mr. Wondering