I want to apologize to everyone and especially the woman any woman. I made a comment in my rant that mys pointed out and it was suppose to be witty but it wasn't. The OM is a creep and I hate him and the WW right now. But that doesn't give me the right to make the comment I did.

I have 3 daughter's I need to show them that woman deserve respect and should get it

I am sorry for the comment

vikingruler,

Thanks for saying that. I really appreciate it.

So, how much longer do you think you have till Plan B and what can you do to leave your wife with the best impression (summary) of your Plan A until then... iow, back to what matters most.

Mys

Because of the slapping incident I kinds have been angery with the wife and tonight when I picked up the kids for my visitation I kinda told her that if she touch's the kids again (her parents are abuser's from her youth mostly emotional but some physical) that I would insure she would only have supervised visitation in the future. I know that this was wrong but I wanted to put her on the spot, I think this will just increase the pressure she is feeling.

My lawyer did warn me against any comments, but I felt I had to do it to protect my kids.

Now she said that she told my daughter's teacher about the incident last week, but when I talked to my daughter's teacher today during a parent teacher conference she didn't mention it AND I specifically told the teacher about the slapping incident and she was concerned and would watch out for other signs. Now I am going back to the school tomorrow to verify with the teacher if my wife did speak to her.

Other news is that my wifes current set of friends, wife has a history of loosing friends, have started to distance themselves from her. She was the 4H club co-leader but they had to replace her because of all the meetings she has missed. She missed one this weekend and wasn't even out of town. Her friends were also at least pleasant to me in their emails and asked if I was going to get more involved into the club, sure am.

I also told wife she was no longer a co-leader she didn't believe me... guess she was going to follow up with her friend to find out. I really think reality is starting to put pressure on her, but I don't think its going to be good for me because I think my wife has issues that will prevent her from coming out of the fog, as I think she is a foggy bottom dweller and I just am seeing her for the real her and that is something I don't think will get fixed

My lawyer is going to pressure her lawyer for a response thi s week but we are now thinking a court action is going to be needed

I talked to the teacher this morning and my wife did explain to her last week that she smacked my daughter, so the teacher just didn't think it was her place to communicate that with me. I could understand, but I am clear on that my wife did recognize what she did.

My wife saw my jeep in the schools parking lot so she walked my K schooler in and I met them in her class and didn't say a word but hugged and kissed my d6 and sat her in her chair.

Kinda funny that when the wife was leaving and was getting a kiss for D6, D6 was pulling away to come and give me a hug.

Then I walked back throught he school and WW was in D8 classroom with teacher... most likely getting the scoop on what I had asked about. D8 was in the hall and I gave her a hug and kiss.

Hopefully I will see them tonight as WW has to work.

HI, I just wanted to drop in and check on you! Are you doing okay? What's going on? How are you feeling?

Just making sure you're doing well! Missing you!

Rin

Still trying to check on you and make sure that you are okay...

rin

My turn to bump this up.

You still out there VR?

How are you doing?

checking in too watzup VR ?

WW is out of town with OM in baltimore.
I picked the kids up Thursday from school and have them until Monday when I take them to school.

Wife talked to kids thursday night but not yesterday. Today we have been busy, and we have been out and about. Now when we got home the girls went outside, the WW called but I didn't answer as I am in a modified plan b, I usually hand the phone to the girls when she calls. She also doesn't talk to me avoids me like the plague.

So since 7:30 tonight I have received 22 phone calls from WW, its not 9:30. Sorry let me correct 23 phone calls, the just keep coming in.

What my problem is that when she has the girls I can go 2 days maybe 3 without hearing from the girls, and i have been told by them that mom wont let them call me if they are mad at her, like in she yelled at them or was ignoring them to talk to OM.

So I don't know what to think of these calls, I know its for the girls but why 25 of them.

She did leave 1 voicemail and that was around the 4th call and if I would have to guess, my wife sounded upset and sad. I am hoping her evening with OM is going to be messed up because of it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

She continually manipulates the kids to put pressure on me either from exposure or trying to get concessions out of me.
Which has only cause her to alienate the kids from her.

Everyday the kids ask me to do more and more with them and for them. They have to respect for their mother and they know from her previouse actions that she can't be trusted to follow through with anything she promises.

What intrigues me is the 25 phone calls.

So my WW cell phone number shows up as unknown in caller ID, tonight I received 3 calls from 000123456, which I know is Skype.

Now I never used skype but downloaded and searched for OM as a skype user, did find him. but about 10 minutes from being online with skype WW invited me to share contact information.. I declined, but she knows I was at least online.

My cell phone is on vibrate in the other room and the house phone is also on vibrate.

VR,

Do you think she's afraid the children are going to tell you something that she doesn't want you to know? Maybe something she did (with them...or not) that she should be held accountable for?

She has been seeing OM for 3 month, mostly talking on the phone. He lives in NY and we in NC, so they have been together 5 times since July. Mostly extended weekends, all of them up there and this last one to baltimore. She is really ignoring the girls and is so lost in fog and confusing its starting to make the girls resent her. They are having trouble with all of this and WW is a conflict avoider so she isn't helping the situation, all 3 girls want to stay with me more but WW is using access to them as punishment.

She hasn't worked since we separated, about 6 monhts - didn't work before that, her choice. Now she is starting a 10$ an hour job at target, and she was thinking she would get day shift and could be with the girls and have a nice little life without me waiting for her divorce and her OM divorce all in about 6 months, I am going to fight for more custody of my kids and will challenge her at every corner when it comes to her behavior around the kids.

I just don't think the fantasy will ever end for her, because she has been a fantasy liver all her life, she did it in our marriage and now doing it to get out of it.

Good Morning, V! I'm glad to see you around! I am so sorry that you and the kids are having to deal with WW like that! It's terrible that she is putting OM before her own kids!

I felt like that with my mom and SF. I felt she put him before me, so I can understand some of the resentment that your girls are having. Have you thought about talking to the school counselor and getting them some help? I think it would be helpful for them, especially when everything is changing so quickly.

And I'm sorry but I don't know you're whole sitch, How old are the girls? Are they going to be able to chose where they want to live?

As far as the phone calls, I don't know what's going on with your WW! Sounds like an obsession. You said that you are in a modified Plan B, what is that?

I'm sure that things are going to work out for you. How are you feeling...today? Centered, strong, frustrated?

You just do yourself and those beautiful girls a favor and keep your head up! Sounds like you have a plan and working!

So my WW is back from her 3 month anniversary weekend with OM. She now has gotten 2 emails from my lawyer via her's and 4 emails from me about kis schedule, moving of horses, and kids wanting me to take on primary role in their youth activities.

Happy Anniversary WW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My lawyer is going to step up the pressure this week for custody and property. by the beginning of next week we should file for modified custody.... our LSA was written by me and I left a clause in it that she exploited to gave me every other weekend and two day's a week with the kids and she has held me to that for over a month.... even while the kids have asked her daily to see me and spend the night with me.

My oldest who is WW best friend - WW treats the kids as friend not her children - has asked me to take on the activities that she is doing. WW has always dropped the ball when it came to committment for kids stuff. My kids have missed out on things like soccer and other activities because it wasn't fun for my WW. So I am trying to get them into all that stuff now - for them

Careful VR and do not being doing all of this to punish your WW.

Only for your kids. Start to reframe her in your mind- from your WW to the mother of your kids. That will help with some of the anger.

Well, VR, everything sounds great...like you have all your ducks in a row!

Like CW said just be careful! I don't think that you would do that but just be watchful! K?

Are the kids old enough to choice where they want to live?

I agree to a point with Coachswife, but sometimes a person has either chosen to become or simply become someone that is not fit to be a primary parent in kids lives. It could be a man or a woman, doesn't matter. I agree that you should never try and punish the other parent through use of the children but there are cases when protecting the children from the other parent and their behavior, choice in partners, lifestyle, poor parenting skills, bad life decisions and more may mean that that parent only serves in a visitation role with the children. When and if ever that parent wakes up and begins to change and become the type of parent that children need and deserve then things could be looked at again. But until then sometimes limiting contact with a 'bad" parent can be the only means of protecting the children's future. I don't know if this is the case in Vike's case or not

I have thought along those same lines about not wanting to punish her, I do feel elated that the kids choosing time with me over her, as when she is with them she still is either consumed with her fate or the other man. I have taken 100% care of her for 12 years and before that her dysfunctional family. So she wants to stand on her own two feet but I am not sure she understand the weight load required. Its not my concern anymore, concerns me is the impact of the children.

I went to the house this weekend to let the kids pay there and take care of our horse. In the house I found dish's piled in the sink, the kitchen trash overflowing at least a week of trash, I found cat poop in 3 rooms upstairs, I found her batheroom trash overflowing (this is where the kids bath) I found mold growing in the shower - last time it was cleaned was 3.5 months ago because I did it. Outside I found a dead chicken in a horse water troth covered in 100's of maggots been there before she left. In the garage I found chicken poop covering the garage floor and broken eggs rotting in the corner... now the kids walk through this barefoot to get outside.

This is what worries me with me being not their primary. I would never want to take full custody but who knows where the fog will lead her.

We have been separated 6 months and she start her first job this week, That is 6 months of vacation.

I just feel that reality is going to start knocking, both the impact of her actions on the family as well as what real world means.

Her lawyer already responded to one email wanting to knowif I was punishing her for destroying the family, as I wrote her an email that said she was destroying the family.
The premises is that I have stopped paying the mortgage on the first house... her is my response to my lawyer about her claim....
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Some more information, We moved into our residence in Feburary 2004. We had our old house on the market and had a contract pending.
That contract fell through, we sold the old house in July 2005.

I carried 2 mortgages, 1st Mortgage was 1200.00 on the old house and 2nd mortage on new house was 3400.00 for 18 monhts. This wiped out our savings, our 401K Our stock everything we had to maintain both households. My wife during the entire time was getting all her material needs met, cloths, her personal trip to disneyworld with her best friend, trips to the beach, etc. She only contributed to the household income with 400 a month teaching preschool, 8 months a year. Her personal budget was around 800 a month, this exlcude groceries, but gas and her spending.

I went to our mortgage company and restructured our debt back in April after her first affair and our separation, we were able to get all our late payments spread across the loan, so our payment went to 3700.00, which I paid April, May and June. Come July and her second affair and her trips out of state and the impact on the family, I needed to consider the family first and the cost of the house was only benefiting my wife. So I had to make a decision to establish a safe and secure place for myself and my children. I couldn't afford both. My wife has always been aware of our financial situation, she even borrowed money from her folks to cover one month mortgage payment.

So I have two sets of power bills to pay, I have my own rent and water and sewage to pay, along with all other marital debt, I also have been providind money and resources to my family and wife at the marital residence.

I gave her 20 dollars to buy horse feed 16th, bag of feed is 5.64$. My daughter informs me that neither the 4 horses or our 2 dogs have had food in a week and half. I bought horse and dog food this weekend for them.

My wife will not communicate with me period, about the kids or any other matter. All my emails or notes to her go unanswered. She continually uses the kids to be messangers. The kids hate it!! She makes them ask me if I can watch them for her, which puts me and the kids in an situation, if I say I can't the kids are heartbroken. I find this childish and irresponsible. [/color]

I hope you didn't respond to the lawyer!! Let your lawyer respond, there is probably a reason why the lawyer asked you the question he did....probably in hopes of using it against you. Just a thought.

Her lawyer responded with the question, and my lawyer forwarded to me, my response to my lawyer is what is above. So he has all the information.

her is WW lawyer's question in full....

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Can you explain to me why he has been unable to pay the mortgage since their marital troubles began? Seems to me like a willful thing done to punish her for 'destroying their family.'

As it relates to all issues listed in your email, I have passed those on to my client and am waiting to hear back from her on that.

Thanks!
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