Please tell me that you took photos of all of this before you cleaned up!!

viking,

Reading above is somewhat confusing. Are you saying your WW's lawyer communicated with you DIRECTLY?????? That is a huge no no and the judge handling your case should be informed immediately. Do NOT let your attorney poo poo that action. Demand that it be brought up.

Any first year law student could have handled the answer to that question!!!!!!!!!!!!It should have NEVER have been forwarded to you IMO. I assume that we here at MB know LESS about your financial and custodial issues than your lawyer, so my response to my attorney would have been" You are joking aren't you "

No, WW's laywer emailed VR's lawyer who forwarded it to VR...

That is correct WW doesn't communicate with me, I LB too much last time my daughter refused to go with her and I stood there and told WW that these are your consequences and that she is doing this to the family.

My 8 year told WW that when she stays with WW that she has nightmares that Daddy dies.

Anyways, I have pictures of it all. I am a photo hog now, I take pictures of the house and pictures of me with the kids and I have a journal.

I just can't believe WW's think this is healthy for the kids.

http://www.littlenorwegian.com/custody/


above is the link to my pictures from this weekend, at the bottom you will see the pictures of the house.

What do you think, am I over reacting?????

bump

I think next time you take pictures, you should find a way to date stamp them. Either with your camera, or hold up a newspaper in the picture. The argument could be made that we don't really know when the pictures were taken.

I think you should go for full custody. Your WW can't provide for them financially, and even when you give her money for upkeep she spends it on something else. If she is not going to take care of the kids, it's your responsibility to do so.

Print the pictures and provide them to your attorney immediately. It's time for you to have custody of your kids whether you want it or not. They are living in unsafe conditions and this is NOT good for them. No, you are not overreacting.

(Been there, done that, and my sitch -- the house mess part, anyway -- was much much better than yours.)

Just J is right on. See my reply to Coacheswife above. Sometimes the other parent and particularly the WS has gone insane for lack of a better word and can see nothing but their own needs and the fix that fills it the OP. Nothing else matters as much. When this happens most of them, not all of them, cannot be good parents. It simply is not in them. For parenting in and of itself means to sacrafice. This word has no meaning to them unless it means that everyone must sacrafice for what I want.

Vike, go for full custody and liberal visitation for you WW. If she ever 'gets it' then you could always allow more time with her. But, above all else protect your kids from the WW (remember she's no longer your wife) and the OP and their behavior, actions and poor decision making abilities.

These photos are great and I agree that you need to get your camera set to date stamp them as you take them.

VR-

I don't think you are over-reacting. My reaction to the pics was "eewww gross".

I haven't seen a house that unkempt since my little brother lived in a frat.

Why you no good little burglar you - oh, 'scuse me. Thought that was MY kitchen sink. I take it back.

I'd give the pics to your attorney...but don't get your hopes up.

Conditions have to be pretty frelling bad sometimes before the state is willing to step in depending on the state and the investigators involved...in a custody battle it might bear more weight...my reaction was "icky" but probably not gross neglect.

Especially the parts that were outside of the home...cat poop in a garage is less convincing than cat poop in the bedroom...one bag of overflowing trash can be easily explained as "well we were out and going to the store later that day" whereas thirty bags of trash piled to the ceiling is much less so.

All the same..it couldn't HURT for your attorney to have the info.

update I went by the house this morning.... trash bag is out of trash can, sitting next to it with a new trash bag in the trash can. More dish's in the dishwasher and the house smells of cat pee and dirty musty cloths.

I still love my wife but she is more interested in her trips and vacation than what the impact is on the kids.

My attorney has the pictures

Oh wow, no you are not overreacting. It breaks my heart to see your kids living that way- I can't imagine how it makes you feel.

Poop in the bedrooms and that trash?? I have never let my house look like that even when sick with two sick kids at home.

Is she living in the home??

If so and she's not paying the mortgage that may explain why she doesn't care if it falls apart.

I agree that sometimes people do not need to be parents- I never said that they did. I was just cautioning VR not to be setting out to punish her just because of her affair etc. In looking at this pig pen though he is definitely not.

I guess it's just hard for me to imagine this kind of stuff happening. I mean, I was a FWW- but even in the fog I didn't neglect my children. Maybe I wasn't in the fog as much as other people are?? At two years plus after the A- I can see so many things that I did wrong- and yes, I was wrong to do this to my children and the father of my children but I never neglected my children's needs to talk to or be with OM.

Vikingruler

I think in court that the pictures will only have an impact if they're shown to be a pattern over time. Otherwise, she could claim that she was out of town, the kids weren't there anyway, she didn't have time to empty the trash etc. before she left but that's not the normal conditions.

Goodness knows my house has looked like a tornado went through it right before a trip when I've left town (somehow there's always something you remember you forgot to pack at the last minute and you have to tear the whole house apart to find it). I don't have any pets except fish so no feces around, though. Also, once when I was little, our house was vandalized while we were gone. We came back to something that looked like a warzone.

Also, once when we left for a couple of hours to go to dinner and a movie, we forgot to pen our dog up. He was deathly afraid of storms and there was one while we were gone at the movies. By the time we returned home not only was there poop and pee everywhere but he'd gotten into every single trash can in the house and chewed it all up. The house looked like a dumpster exploded in the middle of it.

I'm not saying that the pictures aren't bad -- I'm just saying that lots of people have stuff like that happen to them but that doesn't mean they LIVE that way. Obviously your concern is that your wife DOES live that way (and forces your children to live like that, too). I'm just saying a detached person might look at those pictures and remember when their house wasn't "company ready" before a trip, after a trip, or if they left a pet with a phobia home alone.

The suggestion about a time/date stamp is a good one. If this is a pattern over time, the court will hopefully respond. If not, it's probably too easily explained away with "I was out of town."

Mys

The pictures are very disturbing. It's perfectly obvious that your wife is being neglectful. That dead chicken video was horrifying. And the fish swimming in a teaspoon of water shows that they have been neglected for months. And the bathtub....yikes!!! And this has all been accomplished by an unemployed woman!!! What is the house going to look like after she starts her job?

She clearly does not care about your girl's welfare. No wonder they are begging to be w/ you. Hear them!!!

Two words: Merry Maids

Actually, I think you need an exterminator as well now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

So this is a pattern that repeasts itself, I have been out of the house only a month and half, she cleans up just a bit and then leaves it and then lets it expand.

So yes I will continue to document the continually.

When you remove yourself from the situation, as I have moved into my own place and have setup a place that is safe and secure for the girls. You start to realize how much you do for the WS and how little they returned it to you.

What is amazing, utterly amazing is that I warned her about this stuff, I let her know several times what my hand was where I was going with this, etc etc etc.

She is not just a conflict avoider whe is an avoider. She has always lived in Fantasy land, its just now that she doesn't want me to support her, she wants the OM to to be that support.

Thanks for the feedback

Hi, VR, I just wanted to let you know that I'm trying to keep up with you!

Your WW is something! LOL

LA and HL just helped call to my attention what I was doing in the past to be living in my own fantasy. So needless to say, I really feel for what you're WW is losing out on.

It's amazing what you see when you open your eyes. I'm still wishing you the best. I'm sorry I don't have anything more to offer you today!

Take care!

So when my WW recommitted to her soulmate/truelove OM she was doing 4H every other weekend with our 11 year old, once she found out that OM's non custodial weekend was the same as the 4H weekend she quickly changed my custodial weekend, I ****** and ****** and ****** how I was now having to deliver on her obligation to our daughter and how she manipulated the events to get the schedule she wants.

Well my Daughter talked to me about doing the 4H thing with her as I am always following through committements.


Anyways now my WW is wanting to switch back after I put it to her that her daughter wanted me to do these things with her instead of her.

Can anyone guess what my answer is going to be?

I already sent my lawyer a note - one about not wanting to change and two that my wife continues to talk to the girls about their schedule and me