What hurts me in my own action is that this morning I had to talk to her first time in over a week about her work schedule and the kids work schedule... I was frank very mono tone in discussing with her the fact that she is working 3-9PM Tue, Wed and Thurs and I asked that the girls stay with me one of the 3 nights, I got a immediate NO !!

I had to run into the kids school and on the way out I ran into her again, I said something about the schedule and then I made the comment, so how was washington DC (that is where she and the OM were this weekend) she said it was good. I immedately said, well the last time you were there is when we were a family and we all had a good time (which we did). I then continue the LB by saying but now your just going on vacations (5 since July 3) with OM with no regards to the kids or your responsibilities, you just don't care!!!

then I walked away doing the happy dance and went to work

flame away

One thing to remember is that your kids really need at least one of their parents to be a grown-up.

It would be better if there were two, absolutely. But you only get to decide on whether YOU are a grown-up today.

Choose the grown-up answer. You know the one. The one where it sucks to be the grownup and you still have to do it.

Oh, VR, OMG! I just saw the pics. I can't imagine having my kids deal with that!


I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this, both you and your kids!

I mean five minutes here...five minutes there...it would be done!

Plenty of hugs and I hope that you and the kids get what they need! You have some beautiful kids!

Thanks,

Funny thing, I had the girls come to the apartment tonight and the first thing I made them do is take out the trash and do the dish's. Since they made the mess over the weekend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Guess what they said......

but mom doesn't make us do it.

That made me laugh, then I made them do it

I do the toilets and shower's

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just curious ... Will she or her lawyer get in a snit about you being at the house, and inside, to be able to take those pictures?

Not sure if that could get you in trouble or not since you don't live there anymore ... ?

I guess I'd be a little careful about going in the house too often to take pictures like this. Maybe she could turn it around and call it harrassment, or stalking or breaking and entering or something?


Also ... can you get a "right of first refusal" clause entered into your custody agreement? That way if she has to work all these late nights, you get first dibs at having the kids instead of them being with a sitter....


-AmI.

she needs me to take care of the kids when she does her new job. I asked if the kids could stay with me when she works unitl 9, getting home around 9:45... this is her first day at work 12 years or marriage and in the past six month of separation. She works these nights tomorrow and thursday and then next week as well. I can't imagine target being that compenstaing to give her the shift she wants 8am to 3pm so she can be home with the kids... I know target like most retailer's need their staff on in the afternoon and evening... so its going to be intersting to see what work schedule will be, I have first right of refusal so I will insure I get all the time I can and get it documentated.

Now her is the latest, my middle daughter told me that WW and oldest daughter kinda got into it last night, when WW confronted her about wanting me to do 4H with my daughter. Now at one point my wife almost yelled this statement, fine if that is what he (I) wants I'll move to NY and you kids can stay with him.... how low and manipulative is that.

Can we say spiral.

By the way the mess is still their in the kitchen and bathroom... now in the kitchen their are now ants in the sink and across the counter. She took the over flowing garbage out of the trash can and now its sitting next to it, while she fills the next bag.


The other thing, she doodles alot and I found doodles that are teenagish I love him WW and OM over and over page worth.
BUT
there was also things like AM I WRONG, did I do the wrong thing. So many are hurt, did he lie to me, is he going to leave me again (om) Could doubt be in the air.

I am not holding any hope because on the same page it said engagement and talking about marriage.

Viking,

I looked at those photos and the video. The images are so horrendous that I would immediately leave that house if I were visiting someone in such filth. I would then soak myself in an alcohol bath and burn all the clothes I was wearing on that day.

Ignoring the fact that you have custody issues and affairs to deal with, is there not some way you can make an anonymous report to some authority?

You'd think the OM would get a little turned off by the smell of poop and bile on your ww's clothing... good lord.

There is no doubt in my mind that her relationship is destined to fail, but time will tell how soon that is. This is obviously not a relationship built to be stable and lasting.

Just keep away from the LB's, be attractive, strong, yet caring when she's around (if your still in plan A).

Yeah, marriage and engagement scribblings... nice stuff to come across eh? Don't take it seriously. Their relationship is like that dead chicken: Every day a few more maggots hatch and eat away at it.

Perfect analogy.

Incredibly low and manipulative!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Thank God they have you! Thank God they told you about this! Encourage them to repeat all conversations they have w/ her to you.

I don't have to encourage them,

WW just came by and my 6 and 8 begged her to let them stay with me, she said maybe next week

I am not surprised by the condition of the house, its gotten that way in the past, its not her cup of tea. When we were together I supported do laundry and cleaning and I felt resentment for it, but then found it to be loving... then the affairs began.

I put the girls in her car and walked back to the apartment and kissed the other girls goodbye.

Now I am here venting and see what you all think

I put the picture and new video on my page if anyone wants to see http://www.littlenorwegian.com/custody/

How long do I need to show a pattern to make it stick?

bump.... WW is feeling pressure to from the girls. Its national see you at the pole day and the girls wanted to go.... I was going to take them, but WW stepped in and said she would, I know she is going to be extremely tired today, bet anything she goes home this morning and crawls back into bed. Leaving the girls to defend for themselves

One of the doodles on her page was am I too needy, YES

She also writes our daughters names over and over and over, but now she starts to include OM's children's name like she can handle 5 kids vs our 3 kids. She still has illusion's that he even wants our kids with them.

* Post Deleted *

Thanks

I just wanted to clarify something. I might be stating the obvious to you, but just in case you hadn't thought of this I wanted to throw it out there.

When your WW said the above statement, I believe it could be taken in two ways by your girls.

1) That it will be YOUR fault if she moves away and rarely ever see them again.

2) It will be their fault (your girl's fault) if she moves away and rarely ever sees them. After all, it was they who were asking that you be allowed to be w/ them more. In their minds they could blame themselves if she does move to NYC.

~ Marsh

yep that is what I think, which is why I think its low to even make comments like that to the kids

I am sensing an opportunity to communicate in a positive way to the WW.... What you think of this.

Jennifer,

I was talking to Chris today about our situation and he made a good point, he said how could you recover from all the hurt that has been done, by both of us. I thought about that and I know I have been closed to you and you to me.

First, there would never be anything you would do as my wife that I wouldn't forgive. That being said your not my wife right now, your someone elses mistress.

I have grown so much in the past six months, focusing on the things that matter the most, the girls and my family. I have really come to simply enjoy them and what they have to offer. I am hurt by what they are going through, not matter how easy divorces could be - the kids are greatly impacted. That hurts me to no end, and I want to protect them so bad from it.

The only boundary I would need to be open to work with you, is that there is no one else! With that I would be available to you to consider all options, to work through any problem and to make these girls happier than ever.

So that is it you would just need to come to me and say there is no one else and we could talk.

Bill


====================
What you think what do I need to change??

A personal update.... through this site and my support group I am happiest now than I have been in maybe a year or more. I have come to terms with what is happening to me and my family. I can forgive the WW or I can battle her over the girls and fill good either way.

So for all you great souls out there, thank you

need input

We had a exchange at 9:30 kids were with me from 4-9:30 and they all refused to go with her, and begged her to let them stay with me. She refused and I had to wipe tears away from my six year old. with all that hurt, I feel really good. It validates me as a father, they want me as much as I want them.

Now let me be clear, I am a former Marine, that means I do put conditions on my kids. Tonight, after dinner D1 took dish's out D2 put dirty dish's in D3 put soda and stuff in frig.... without being question!!!

Last night, I asked the same thing and got but we don't do it at mom's house, obviously no one does.

My 11 year old said tonight the house stinks, cat poop everywhere, and I quote my 11 year old, I dont think its healthy living there!!!!!!

She doesn't play me, she is mom's girl and she defends her mom a lot, or use too.

but I still need input on the above letter