Thanks a ton, Lexxxy! This site, and you, are great for keeping my spirits up and my resolve. I hope that he will continue to see what he is missing. He emails me at work, but I ignore unless it's a direct, necessary question about the kids and then, just the facts, man!

Thanks All!

Yesterday was a bit of a trying day. I left school early due to a kidney stone and couldn't help feeling so many mixed feelings. I wished he was here to help out, I was mad he wasn't, I wanted to call him, etc. Turns out I didn't need to. It passed very quickly.

So I still found a way to make sure he knew about it so he could spend some time worrying about me and such. When I arrive home on his night with the kids, I will park out front until he leaves, head down, not looking at him. Last night he pulled up next to my car with his window down as if to talk to me, and I drove away into the driveway without talking to him. I'm so proud of myself and know that he's even more wondering how I'm doing and I'm in his thoughts.

He inquired after me through email today. I ignored it. He said when he had the kids tomorrow at our house he'd mow the lawn for me. This is the first time in over 2 months that he's done that. Even when we were still talking when he first moved out, he didn't mow the lawn.

Progress?

((((Angie)))

To be honest, I don't know you're sitch, but want to offer a hug...I know from time to time I need one...LOL

It's always good to think positive and of course, actions speak louder than words...

Keep your head up! I'll have hope should you need that too!

Have a great day today...I'll be thinking about you!

IF AT ALL POSSIBLE - have the lawn done before he comes.

He's doing it as a way to alleviate his guilt. Let him keep his guilt!

Thanks for the hugs Rinderella! They are always appreciated and certainly needed. I have background, the story in Just found out section. I posted first about it in July just two days after d-day if you're interested in quite a story. So lucky to have found this site.

Lexxxy - Thanks as always. I mowed the lawn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So, today in an effort to take care of things around the house, I was out staining the newly cleaned fence. All by me, of course. The phone rang and it was a long time friend of my WH. He was looking for same and I told him that he no longer lived here and why in very simple terms. Friend was shocked, pi55ed and supposedly ready to chew on the a55 of WH. I told him that he didn't need to do so in my name, obviously he and other long time friend didn't know, and he said I was boviously taking it very well. I stayed calm did no indirect LBing and gave phone number where WH could be reached.

Now wondering, and hoping, that someone told him what's what about how he's being an a55. This friend probably will, but I know and told him that WH will most likely say that "it's complicated." this is his patented remark.

OW starts new job this week, but no signs of moving according to WH. Says she doesn't know when she's moving, but that what I don't know is the amount of hours she's going to be putting in and will need to move, I guess. I don't buy it! I think he's there as much as possible and I think she's hanging on as long as possible. I'm trying to remain in this plan, mode for as long as possible. I have a tentative date till the end of the year, the 7 month mark of d day. But then, I don't know what....

Shrink has upped meds. Guess she doesn't think I'm dealing as well as I thought I was. I suppose it didn't help that I cried through session. I try to avoid that as much as I can lately, but found myself doing so at 5 am today. Thoughts of him lying next to her...Sadness for all he's missing.... Sadness for missing him and wondering if it could ever work again anyway....How do I ever trust after all the lies and blatant deceit? Have petrifying fear that she'll end up pregnant. I think that would end me for good. Or what if he decides he wants to go with her, marry her?

Trying to take one day at a time, but not always easy and I can't believe how much time has gone by already.

(((hugs angie)))

I'm glad your doc changed your prescription. AD's should really help the sadness.

You did exactly the right thing by telling his friends the honest truth of what is going on. Your WH needs to feel the shame of abandoning his family.

WTG on your fence! Feels good to handle things -- and you are doing a great job!!

Thanks! My mother likes to comment when I do all this kind of stuff that when he comes home it will all be done for him. I prefer to look at it as he can see/think that I'm doing well/better/more with him gone than when he was there and I'm not sitting around moping about him. His email about the kids' schedule with him for this week included a nice comment about the fence. I feel good about me. Thinking about having my sister watch me kids, pick them up from WH this weekend, and let him think/know I'm going out and he can wonder with whom. It would be good for him to start to wonder, yes?

Hi, angie! Just wanted to let you know that I read up on your post.

What a jerk! I'm sorry he is treating you the way he is!

Now, I understand why you are doing the things you are doing and I say "YOU GO GIRL!"

You sound so strong! Keep up the good work!

That is definitely a divorce-busting technique -- however, while its ok for him to wonder what you are up to -- I would never give him the impression you are dating.

That would be the WRONG direction to take. Right now, you have the high road, you have done NOTHING wrong. He has a tremendous amount of guilt to live with. By you doing wrong too -- it relieves him of some of his guilt. You want him to live with that daily.

I would also make some changes around the house. Paint a room, rearrange furniture. Something noticeable that will make him think his family is not standing in place waiting for him to return. He thinks he can just go play around, and you'll all still be right there in the same place when he decides to come back.

Hey -- I'm going to look back at all of your old posts, but I'm not seeing anything here on exposure.

Have you outed them to their families?

Especially hers? Does her mom and dad know that their daughter is breaking up a family with small children?

How about his family? Do they know the real reason you asked him to leave???

This is something really important to do.

OK -- I missed it. I should have looked for this sooner.

You HAVE to tell her father. OMG -- you have so much power here!

Obviously this is something that worries them both (guess they shoulda thought of that before!)

Anybody who will put negative pressure on them to end their affair should be told the truth -- before the infidels try to make up stories!

Please tell him -- ask for his help! If you see him at church, he must be christian. Don't wait until Sunday. Contact him right away and ask for his help in ending the affair his daughter is having with a married man. That man is needed at home by his 3 little children.

Do it today.

Thanks again all! I don't have the intention of dating at all. There are so many reasons why. For one, the high road as you said. I would not do that and be a hypocrite. I just want him to wonder more about what I'm doing. I'm going to continue to work on the house. I love the idea of him coming to see the kids when I'm not here and seeing changes.

He called to talk to the boys again tonight even though he saw them both the past two days. Oldest DS got to tell him about all the exciting things going on in his life that he's missing.

OW's father knows, don't know how to contact mother. She's remarried after leaving her H and two teenage D's for another man. Any wonder why the OW is not affected much by guilt? Father was told and even though they know he knows and there's been discussion to my knowledge from him, there's been no change in her or WS for his knowing. I don't think there's anyone that can help get through to them at this point, except God and I'll patiently wait for his mercy and direction. He's talked to me several times during this whole ordeal. The biggest thing is that I actually heard Him. He's told me to stay calm and take care of my family and self, and that it's not over yet.

How exactly do you know that OW's father knows???

If WH told you that -- he LIES.

Tell him yourself anyway. That way you can be sure he knows the TRUTH. And ask for his help.

Can't you see what an ally you would have? The man has had his life devasted by an affair. Do you really think he would condone his daughter behaving that way??

Most likely, WH told you that he knows to keep you from telling him! To diffuse you.

Tell him!

Good morning! I have to agree with Lexxy on that one! Just to be sure, I would go ahead anf tell him. I would make it known to everyone that I possible could.

FWH asked me this morning, "What did your bosses say with everything that went on (Talking about his A) when you told him that I was going to work nights again?"

See, exposure is still affecting him. FWH bought me a cappaceno (?) this morning...saying that every now and then I deserves something special. Exposure was the best thing I could have done in my sitch, I feel it made the biggest impact.

Best wishes to you!

OW father knows because I told him. Although very supportive and disagreeing with the whole thing, there doesn't seem there is much influence or interfering with grown D's life, despite diapproval. I wish there was more that could be done here, but much like WH's family, they don't want to interfere further b/c they are grown adults, yada yada yada...

So, I'm left to the mercy of God, my H hopefully coming out of the fog, and OW getting tired of him like she did 20 years ago. I'm patient, to a fault probably, and hoping always for the best. I'm spending time with my kids, my family, my friends, and myself to better me. I've lost 25 pounds, read 5 books in 2 months, ( a lot for me), and I'm trying to get my house in order in case it needs to be sold. What more can I do? No help from the other side, but didn't really expect to get much from them, meaning OW's father and WH's family.

you never know...he might be doing more than you think.
I'm glad you told him.

has she moved yet? That will be a blessing!

what kind of Plan A stuff are you doing?

She hasn't moved and last week when I talked to him about it he said she didn't know when she was going to move. I suspect that she may decided to make the long communte for a while at least.

I am sorry to say that I have moved into Plan b about 3 1/2 weeks ago when I discovered that he was sleeping with her. He had told me he wasn't, and wouldn't because he didn't want to make things any more difficult for us. This was all when I was very much in a GREAT plan A. I was treating him wonderful, trying to fulfill his needs that I knew about, we were talking every night. But after he moved out because I couldn't handle him still seeing her, and he also felt I was being too easy on him allowing him to stay at home, that by moving he'd see just what he'd be losing, he slept with her. I found this out last week after I broke my plan B because he said he wanted to talk about us. I could no longer take the lies and deceit when I discovered he was staying there and sleeping with her, and God told me it was time to move to Plan B. I did so with a heavy heart, but was very calm when I made the decision and wrote the letter.

I'm sure that I went into plan B too soon, but there isn't much I can do about that now. I still miss him terribly, especially at night and when he picks up the kids from my mom's and I'm hiding out upstairs or I leave before he gets there. I miss our family, I miss my best friend, I miss my love.


I was hopeful when we talked b/c he said he wanted me to know everything before I made a decision about moving us forward and he agreed to MC. Then when it came right down to it, he wasn't ready to give her up, and I went dark again.

Hugs to you. Holding you from here.

Hope he comes to his senses. You sound like a beautiful spirit.

We all do the best that we can at the time...with the information that we have...

Know that everything will work out for YOUR best interest...

I also happen to agree with nc007 about you being a beautiful spirit!

Have a great day, angie! Keep your head up, you are doing wonderful!