In short, I'd tell her (OMW) what happened, (AFFAIR) but discuss it with your husband first and do it only with his enthusiastic agreement.

You do realise that my H exposed fully to the OM's W about 6 months after D-day (when the A had been over nearly a year) don't you?

2B, I think what I said was something like I would continue to encourage you to expose, but that I wouldn't humiliate you....and I want to make sure you remember that first part as well as the last part....because I think they're both important. I don't support the decision not to tell the OPS in your situation, especially since recontact occurred. I will continue to do my best to keep encouraging you to discuss the need for exposure with your husband until you can get his agreement.

One of the surprising things I've noticed about exposure is that many BSs fear exposure because it creates "shame" and embarrassment for them. They don't want anyone else to know that their spouse cheated on them. They think exposure is like "airing their dirty laundry" and especially men sometimes feel as though it means they're "less" of a man because they couldn't keep their wife interested. It's another part of the "vitimization" of affairs because it lowers self esteem so drastically. So I understand how your H might not approve.

Part of helping your husband to understand the need for telling the OPS....is going to be helping him see past some of those issues. It's a moral dilemma for him too....you see? Because he is unwilling to offer protection to this other spouse because of the stigma he attaches to "exposure" and the "percieved" loss in status. That is an area where you can help him grow....and not take responsibility for your actions. He's got it in his mind that only "Jerry Springer" trash goes public with anything.....and this is really a discreet effort to protect the other marriage....so continue to help him see that.

I don't know if you can convince him.....but I really want you to keep on trying. However, if you can't....then you have 2 moral dilemmas....keeping your word to your husband, and meeting your duty to protect the OPS. That creates confusion where you may feel those things cancel each other out and leave you paralyzed. But don't be paralyzed....just keep talking to your H about how this can be accomplished in a way that he doesn't lose "face".

Your explanation reminds me of ANOTHER twisted occurrence that you read about on here from time to time:
That is of having NC broken and the advice given is to send "yet ANOTHER NC Letter".
I've read of people on their 6th - 7th letter.
Again,
what's that about?

Its the INTENT and execution of the letter that has the Meat .......not the physical letter itself.

Mel,

Can I ask you a question?

What would you do?

Sh**bag tried to contact my wife. It has been 2 years roughly. My wife had no idea he tried. I intercepted it before she saw it. I too believe that NC letters are of no real use at this time. He could care less. He obviously did not take my threats seriously. That was a mistake he will regret!

What the he** do you do? I know where he lives and I will be in that part of the country. I really hope he has a wife or GF now. Maybe I can expose if that is the case. Outside of that, what do you do?