MAdwyn, I am not surprised, but very disappointed that you left your house when you didn't have to and refused to follow the advice given here to not leave in the first place. You have every right to go to your own home and your W had no right to eject you. This has only proven to your W that she has full control of your life and can bully you into any position she wants. Unfortunately, that does not help your marriage in the least.

I just don't see how it is possible to save your marriage when you will not help yourself. All she has to do is make the slightest threat and you run. Just as she has now threatened RO's and divorce to keep you from your own home. She knows this works to keep you in place. She is able to work you with her anger.

I truly am sorry it has come to this, MW, but I don't blame you for giving up. Adultery is a hard thing to handle and it is not a job for the faint of heart. Frankly, I see no hope here either and I am truly sorry for that.

yes, she called the police. They STRONGLY suggested I leave or things might get worse. Good cop taking to me aside, he said "look, all she has to do is tell us she is afraid of you, and we have to remove you" He said to take the road best traveled and remove myself from the situation before they were forced to write a domestic violence report and make it a court matter.

Yes, the decision is hers and I have told her I do not agree. I am not going to make it easy or quick. I have already told her she will not take the house from me. Of course she flipped... "this is the childrens home!"... but I am going to fight for the house and as much custody as I can get.

I have already started some things. I canceled all her credit cards. I changed the direct deposit to an account I control. I told her I still loved her and that this was all her doing and it could change if she would find the will to work on us. But she is addamant that she is done, does not love me, and will never regain the love and trust she once had.

Please dont everyone keep tellong me how I screwed up. I screwed up so many things I have lost count. I have been crying for 48 hours and I am exhausted. I don't need any more criticism....... I am hard enough on myself..... can someone just find some words of comfort or solice and let me know that there is life to look forward to?

I'm so sorry, Mad.

Your marriage may not survive, but YOU will survive this. You WILL be happy again.

((((((hugs))))))

Are your kids w/ you, now?

Madwyn, are you ready to get to work now? Do you now believe what we told you?

Hi Mad,

I'm really sorry to hear this. Your wife sounds just like Good Father's WW who DID call the police on him and made up lies and bogus allegations. By the "good cop's" recommendation, GF left his home for a short while and then returned right back into his home, but his WW did file a RO which the judge approved however it was eventually rescended by his WW.

Seems the legal system will allow O of P or RO on domestic situations on a wife's word alone. There have been too many serious violent-escalating-to-death situations where they didn't take the wife's claims seriously. So now all allegations are deemed valid regardless of the existence of evidence.

Good Father now has custody of his daughter and lives in his home. His WW left to VA to live with sleazy OM. Good riddens.

Mad, you will survive this. You will be able to be happy again. And you will become stronger because of it. Its a hard road and no going around it, going thru it is the only way. Each step will be hard, but each step will make you a better and stronger man, if you want it to. Its all up to you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, Mad.
Jo

p.s. We all make mistakes, its how we recover from them that matters most.

I am with my kids, I got her to agree to leave from Fri afternoon to Sunday night..... so the kids and I are being a family right now

what can I do now? I am all ears....... playdough to be molded

I hope to god you are right Resilient... cause the pain I ma feeling right now would be too much if I didnt have my kids. I need to see some light in the future and it doesnt feel like there is any right now.

Melody, talk to me..... I am just trying to get thru the times with my kids and keep having to close the bathroom door so I can go have an uncontroleable crying fit.....

I pray there is a way but I see no hope right now........ [color:"red"] [/color]

So, you're in your house now? She left it for the weekend?

Mad.... you must first realize the the woman you call wife doesn't exist, you can't assume she will react the same way that your wife would react.

So you need to start plan a, and read read read on what it truly means.

Second, you need to prepare yourself for the eventual outcome. its sounds like your WW isn't going to just make ideal threats. That being said, you in your heart and mind need to be prepared for the worst. Meaning divorce. Divorce is just like marriage its all on paper. She seems to be one willing to go through the motions of getting the D. You need to be prepared for that and not let it effect if it happens, if your not prepared your going to get wiped out.

Now for the kids, document everything. things you do good with the kids, things she does bad with the kids. Take pictures of you and the kids together doing things. Start going to their school and being involved. get to know their teacher's their principals get to know their life. You need to know everything about your kids, what color's they like what food they like. Everything. You need to step up and do things for them. Tell your WW that you want to take the load off of her, but your doing it because you want more time with the kids.

Now this is not a mear tactic you should be very involved in your kids lifes, I wasn't for along time and I learned from my WW's affair that I missed out on a lot of things. I am turning that around now for me, I love my kids and the time I spend with them is for me, but the side effect is that the kids are seeing me as the provider, the stable one, the one that wants the family to work. So you will find that they will be your alley in the fight to save your family and M.

ok, first off you can stop crying. Just because your W threatens divorce doesn't mean you are getting divorced. Until the judge decrees DIVORCE FINAL, you are not divorced! ALMOST ALL WS's make this threat, very few ever follow through.

I think she has used this threat becuase she knows how well it works you over and brings you under control.

It is very important that you understand this simple truth about your W: TALK IS CHEAP. She is a fogged out, self entitled person who does not know what she wants. She is confused so her talk will change from day to day. This is why you need to go by her ACTIONS, and ignore her TALK. Understand?

Secondly, you must get back in your house. I would suggest that you STAY THERE from now on. She obviously cannot now tell the police she is "afraid of you" since you have been in your home wiht the kids all weekend. I would suggest you just stay there.

And lastly, and most importantly, please spend your money on a REAL COUNSELOR who will help you SAVE your marriage. Call Steve Harley and stop wasting your time with this useless MC who has only caused damage to your marriage. She DOES NOT UNDERSTAND the dynamics of infidelity is giving you DREADFUL ADVICE that may very well spell the ruination of your marriage. She is HARMING YOUR marriage.

Steve Harley understands infidelity and if your marriage can be saved, he will help you do it. He will assess your situation and give you a PLAN to save it. He will not waste a minute of your time and will be worth every penny.

Now, where is your wife this weekend?

Madwyn, this is not a hopeless situation, really. I have been here for years and I have seen much worse situations than yours come back from the dead with some hard and SMART work. It will NOT BE EASY, so you will have to get out of your comfort zone. If you can do that, there is some hope.

There is hope, MY FRIEND. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

yes...

she is staying with friends..... the same ones who agreed to watch my kids while she went to the OM house overnight. Having said that, the affair is over. he has another woman living with him now

we talked today and she was clear, if I do not leave after this weekend, she will get a restraining order, and unfortunately, in WA, all she needs to say is she is afraid of me and I am out the door and the court date isnt for a week.

As I thin Melody said earlier, the courts are ering on the side of woman due to an unfortunate slate of violence in the past 2 years, notable Crystal Judd Brame, whose husband was chief of police and killer her and himself in a parking lot.

My attorney has been very clear, do NOT get a restraining order against me no matter what.

How do you know the affair is over?

GREAT!!! Now, stay put!!!

And DO what experienced posters tell you to....like Mel.

Face it, you have no plan that's why you're so distressed. Lean on others here, who can and will teach, and guide you through out this process.

[color:"red"] [/color] Melody, I will do ANYTHING.......

I am positive.... I have friends who say he has moved on and won't talk to her anymore, period