if you are going to do a long post, type it in a word processing program then copy and paste. Often the site will time out and it will not post. It will say the form you typed is no longer valid . . . You can hit back and then copy and paste after you fresh but it is easier to type it somewhere else.

hope that helps

I can't answer about the quick reply option. I tried it once and had a similar experience, so now I steer clear of it.

I've been looking for an update from you. Did your wife go ahead with the restaining order? What has your or a lawyer advised you to do.

Is there anyway you can convince her to move out since she is the one who was unfaithful and the one who wants to end the marriage. It is too bad you made some bad decisions early on and basically rolled over for her.

I have also used the back button to go back and retrieve a post I thought I lost.

Sometimes, if you take a long time to hit "continue" either because of a long reply or because you got interrupted, the browser will time out. You will get the response of "form no longer valid" and your post will not be posted. That's probably what happened to you, but you didn't see the "form no longer valid" message.

That's why it's always good idea to highlight your finished post and copy it to the clipboard (by doing Ctrl/C) *before* you click on "continue".

Even better, type out a lengthy post in your word processor, save it, and then cut-and-paste it into the MB browser. You won't lose anything that way!

So, how are things going for you? Please give us an update.
Mulan

OK, so since my quick reply seems to have been sent to cyber-space, I will try to bring you all up to date….

I was indeed served with a RO and Divorce papers on Tuesday Oct 3rd. I was referred to a very good attorney who is a former law professor at Univ. of WA. His story is that he got screwed in a divorce and when he decided to enter private practice he wanted to work primarily with men to help them avoid what he went thru.

So I finally got to talk to my kids 5 days after my WW took them to Spokane. The RO has set my visitation at Tues/Thurs 6PM to 8PM, and Saturday overnight, picking up at 4PM and returning at Sun Noon. She swore in her RO that this was the schedule we had followed during the month we were separated and not under RO. (see next post for what Sept. really looked like) This has been the status quo for the past few weeks. We were supposed to be in court tomorrow (Mon, Oct. 16) but because of the way her attorney manipulated the system, my attorney could not get the responses together in time so we are postponed till Oct. 31.

My attorney proposed several temporary settlement offers to get the RO removed, but she will not let me see the kids enough and I won’t back down. Her best offer was Tues/Thurs 5PM to 8PM, and every other weekend FRI/Sat nights. My lowest offer was every other weekend pick-up Fri after school, drop off Monday at school and every other Tuesday overnight. We are now at an impasse and looks like it will go before the court unless they decide to make an offer. I am done negotiating and think I have a good case in court. My 11 yo daughter has written the judge a letter asking to see me much more (and her 7 yo brother), and I have a number of friends that are writing declarations on my behalf.

One thing that happened is that she used a credit card I had removed her from to charge her attorneys retainer. I called and the charge was reversed, so she and her attorney don’t seem to know it yet, but he is not getting paid. She also stole $5K from a credit line we had before I could get it closed.

Last night (Saturday), we had both received invitations to a 40th b-day party for a friend at a local rest/bar. I had the kids last night but my brother wanted to spend some time with them so I ran down to the party and dropped of a gift. I was there long enough for one beer and then went home (maybe 15 minutes tops). Well, she freaked, started crying when she saw me, told everybody who would listen that it was my one night with the kids and here I was in a bar (I was home n less than ½ an hour), and then called the cops. I was gone, but heard she wanted to report me for violating the RO, but it doesn’t say anything about me stay away from her, I am just prevented from harassing her or disturbing her peace. I guess we will see what comes of that. I don’t know if she filled a report or not, and do not know what could happen.

OH, I FORGOT, she is looking at rentals and has actually purchased some furniture for the kids rooms. She had an appointment this afternoon to see a house close enough for the kids to walk/ride over in the summer. I am hoping she puts down a deposit and signs a lease before she finds out that the charge for her attorney’s fees has been reversed. She is apparently using the money she stole from the line of credit. I am hoping to be back in the house in the next several weeks.

I have also negotiated and accepted a new job. I am now a VP for a new winery in Washington. It is my dream job because I get to build it (the brand and marketing) from the ground up: labels, varietals, distribution, pricing…… you name it, it is my responsibility. They just bought me a brand new Nissan Armada (fully loaded) as a company vehicle, and I am resigning my position tomorrow. So as you can see, pretty much every facet of my life is changing right now. Some days it is overwhelming, but I seem to be dealing with it OK.

Well, that seems to be up to date…. Look for the post of September Journal with my kids next.

(This is what the attorney has and I continue to update it)

September 3 & 4, 2006 (Sun/Mon Labor day)

I take the kids camping at Mt. Rainier.

Sept. 5, 2006 (Tues)

WW calls and says she does not want me at the house for the 1st scheduled family dinner and asks me to take the kids out to diner. I took them to brothers where we BBQ’ed some burgers and had Ice cream. Had them home about 8:15 PM

September 6, 2006: (Wed)

Attended daughters first basketball practice at middle school and drove her home from school>

Sept. 7, 2006 (Thursday)

Picked Son up at 5PM and took him to soccer practice:

Family dinner again canceled by WW

September 8, 2006: (Friday)

I take Son on a “Daddy” date to a Mariners game. Son gets a foul ball and has a great time, then spends the night at brothers house with me.

September 9, 2006 (Sat)

WW leaves for the weekend to attend a wedding she is working as a coordinator of some sort. I am at home (not uncle bobs) with the kids for the entire weekend.

Son has his first soccer game at 11:30 AM and plays awesome!

We get some movies and just sort of hang out as a family.

September 10, 2006:

Kids and I have breakfast together and then we attend a birthday party for one of Son’s friends at Laser Tag in Federal Way (Noon). Both Kids have a blast and I get a chance to talk to some of the parents.

September 11,12,13:

I am in Anchorage on business. I call home every day and night and talk to the kids.

September 14, 2006:

I take Son to soccer practice and am surprised when WW suggests I return and the 3 of have dinner together (Daughter is at camp). Dinner goes fine, no negative conversation and WW tells me she is going to start a job I a few weeks.

September 15, 2006 (Fri)

Meet Daughter at middle school for her arrival home from camp trip at 2:30 PM. WW allows me less than 5 minutes before she takes the kids and leaves.

September 16, 2006 (Saturday)

Attend Son’s Soccer game at Lakeview Elementary at 9:30 AM

Both kids come to spend the night with me at brothers apartment. We get pizza and just hang out, then read a book till all fall asleep.

September 17, 2006 (Sunday)

WW calls and wants to know what time I plan to have the kids back. We agree on 2:30 PM. WW calls around 1:30 and says she is watching the Seahawks game at a friends house and wants to stay till the end. I already have the kids home but tell her to do what she wants. WW gets home around 4:15, DRUNK and immediately demands I leave.

September 18, 2006 (Monday)

I take Son to soccer practice at 5PM.

September 19, 2006 (Tuesday)

Attend Daughter’s basketball game at middle school

I am at home with Son from 4:30 until 10:30 pm. WW takes Daughter to a concert at the Puyallup Fair.

September 20, 2006 (Wed)

I attend Daughter’s basketball game at another Middle School at 3:15 PM.

September 21, 2006 (Thursday)


I take Son to soccer practice and return to a family dinner at the house. I depart around 8PM.

September 22, 2006 (Friday)

Attend Daughter’s basketball game at middle school. After game, WW leaves to go to friends house for weekend and the kids and I return home. We go to Blockbuster and get some movies and make plans for the weekend.

September 23, 2006 (Saturday)

Son has a soccer game at 10:30 AM

Kids and I spend the day riding bikes, playing ball with the dog, and generally having fun indoors and out.

September 24, 2006 (Sun)

The kids and I clean up around the house and then go downtown (Seattle) because they want milkshakes from Sport Restaurant. WW returns around 4PM and I leave back to brothers

September 25, 2006 (Monday)

I travel to Spokane for a trade/work event

September 26, 2006 (Tuesday)

I go to house to pick up Son and Daughter. I take Daughter and Son to a Mariners game with my brother. A’s clinch the pennant!

September 27, 2006 (Wed)

I attend Daughter’s basketball game at middle school.

September 28, 2006 (Thursday)

WW calls me very early (before 7 AM) and is very upset about my e-mail to the attorney she wants to see together. She becomes hysterical and is sobbing n the phone. I tell her that I am not going to continue to live on brothers floor for much longer and she needs to figure out her income (it needs to increase) and also set a time frame for me moving back into the house. Tomorrow would be 30 days as per our original agreement, which she had broken anyway by not maintaining the 4 month schedule till the new year. I told her we needed to sit down Friday night and tell the kids together about the divorce and to discuss a time frame for me to move home, even if it meant sleeping on the couch.

WW is hysterical and hangs up saying “I just can’t talk to you and I can’t believe anything you say”.

I have a wine event and I am unable to take Son to soccer practice. However, I stop and at the practice on my way and give both kids hugs and kisses and tell them I love them. Little do I know this is the last time I will see or talk to them for the next 4 days (Minimum)

MAdwyn, I am most relieved to read that you have obtained a good attorney and are protecting your finances. Good move in getting her attorney's retainer charge reversed! Congratulations on the new job!

That is really exciting about your new job. However this turns out you will survive and will probably be the better for having gone through it all. We learn a lot more through adversity and pain in our lives than at more 'normal' times.

You've already learned a lot.

One thing I don't get: What is her basis for needing an RO. Is it really just modus operendi in WA when filling for divorce? What is she afraid of....I suppose it is just to keep you from moving back in your own house but I don't understand why a judge would grant one without a history of abuse or violent behavior.

Hi Trix,

see the post above from bgtg1..... in WA, the first thing they ask is if the person filling wants a temp RO. They give them out for almost any reason just so they err on the side of caution. Her attorney knew how to work the system. From what I know, you don't even have to ask a judge, you just get a court clerk to sign off on it. It is supposed to be 2 weeks in length, but like I said, since her attorney new how to work the system, we had to set a new court date a month out.

Madwyn - I am not sure if you can edit your posts after they are posted, but if so, I would recommend you delete any real names of people or places for your own protection.

good call, just edited it. Thanks

bgtg1,

you are exactly right. She is using the Temp RO to try to set a temp parenting plan and severely restrict my custody hours. My attorney has advised I do not talk to the kids about the divorce, but they are very smart and ask tough questions and I decided I will not lie to them. We have had some frank disussions about what is happening. They say they do not like mommy's attorney because he will not let them see me more, and they also say the know there is a "judge: that is going to make decisions the they think should be made by their mother and myself.

Right now, I am doing what you are doing..... fighting like a dog! I WILL get more time with my kids, and we will have a great life no matter what WW might do.

Glad to hear you are fighting, Mad. I've been wondering what has been going on w/ your sitch.

Hang in there and keep us posted.

~ Marsh

So I have one week till my court date on the Temporary RO and I am going slowly crazy. I see my kids for 2 hours on Tues and Thurs nights and get to have them from 4PM Sat. to Noon Sunday each week. I find myself crying everytime I leave after dropping them off (at least I hold it together till they are not there). I can not believe that the woman I once thought the world of would go to such lengths to keep me from seeing my children.

I went to famly court at the urging of my attorney so I could experience what I was going to go through on Oct 31st. My WW attorney is going to say terrible things about me and make me out to be a monster and lie and make small things out to be big things........ and i have to stand there and be "stoic" according to my attorney. I hated that place while I was there and I have a week to go and I am already shaking in fear/anticipation of the day.

Big hug for you (((Madwyn))) You obviously are a good man who loves and nurtures his children ... it comes through in the words you type on this forum ... it comes through in your actions ... and it will also come through to the judge when you present your case.

Thank you fiatflx,

Simple words but very much needed on this end. I can not afford the attorney and counselor at the same time and I am finding life harder and harder to deal with. Encouragement like yours means a lot at this time.

I am still at a loss as to how we reached this point in such a short time, and if it is still the "fog" or if this is well and trully the end..... forever. All I can do now is fight for my kids and live the life I know I can, as an honest, decent, commited man who loves his children (and unfortunately his wife) deeply.

Wounded doesnt come close to describing how I feel. I feel like a knife has been plunged in my heart and she is twisting it at will. I am strong and will get through, but damn!, the pain is hard.......

Thanks again.

S0rry ab0ut all this, Mad. Y0ur WW is N0T the w0man y0u married. An alien is a better discripti0n f0r her. H0w are y0ur kids d0ing?

What d0es y0ur att0rney think y0ur chances f0r 0ver turning the R0 are? Besides standing there "st0ic" h0w d0es he plan 0n fighting this? Ask y0ur att0rney what will be the next step if the R0 isn't 0ver turned. That way if the w0rst happens y0u'l kn0w in y0ur mind that y0u will still have an0ther chance t0 get it 0ver turned later. As y0u kn0w, kn0wedge is p0wer. The m0re y0u kn0w ab0ut what may happen, the less fear y0u will have ab0ut it.

D0 y0u kn0w what y0ur WW will tell the c0urt ab0ut y0u? Are 0r y0u just guessing what she will say?

Keep p0sting.

~ Marsh

Its D-day..... I am in court in 2 hours for the Temp RO hearing. My attorney seems very relaxed about it ans seems to think I will get more time with my kids. I really dont care about the money.

Will post later with the outcome.......

I'm praying for you.

~ Marsh

So glad to see that your attorney is calm and confident!! Please do update - I am following your story and rooting for you!!

I pray that things went well. I am worried that we haven't heard from you?