OK, so here is the update....... I WON! Everything I wanted to happen at the TRO hearing went my way exceprt for the child support/maintenance part. I was ordere to pay $500 more than I had figured in my budget, but it is a small price to pay for all the things I prevailed in.

The judge awarded the extra amount solely based on the fact that he wanted WW to rent a house 2 blocks from my soon to be reclaimed residence and the amount exceeded her current income parameters. This amount is only for 120 days and he made it clear he would not continue it at that level, that she needed to increase her income and that mainteneance would be substantially reduced.

He then adopted my parenting plan in its entirety, not including one sentence form her plan. I get the kids the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, weekends of every month from Friday when school gets out till Monday morning drop off at school, and every Tuesday/Thursday from 5PM to 8:30PM. he also awarded me Thanksgiving this year as a 4 day holiday because he was VERY displeased with the way WW and her attorney had manipulated the system with the original TRO. So I get the kids every weekend in November! She was just livid.

When I left the courthouse, she was yellling at her attorney in the hallway. Her "best friend" Jana (read bi-curious, possible lesbian affair) was there and was also yelling at the atorney because my parenting plan had a clause in it that prvents my children from being at Jana's house if ANYONE is consuming alcohol. It also had a clause preventing her from taking my children anywhere her "affair" partner was.

Basically, all I "lost" today was $500 a month I had not budgeted for (the judge ordered $1000 in child support and $1000 in spousal maintenance pending review in 120 days).

I then drove my new company vehicle to her house in the afternoon (brand new, fully loaded Nissan Armada) which she saw for the first time, when I was gong to take pictures of my son in his costume before he went trick-o-treating.

All in all, it was a ****** of a day for her. She got screwed in court and then got to see where I was going in my own personnal life. She went to a halloween party and i got a call she started crying b
herself and left with my son shortly thereafter. I don't feel guilty in the least, except I wish I could have taken my sone with me so he had a better time.

I don't feel

Yeah! Justice prevails! This is just wonderful! Does this go into effect right away--do you get the kids tomorrow? I'm so happy for you! I know it's probably bittersweet for you, but still...so much better than what you were enduring up 'til now!!!

I am really happy it went well for you in court yesterday. I was concerned when you hadn't posted.

I hope this helps your wife emerge out of the fog and to see how her current reality was caused by her own bad choices.

Great news! When do you get back in your house? She doesn't get to clean out all the furniture, does she?

This is great news and warms my heart at the thought of these Waywards house's crumbling around them. They think that the world revolves around them and what they feel, want, desire and that everyone else should just line up to cheer them on. Well, BS!!!!

From personal experience, your WW will try and manipulate, threaten, cry, lie, and more in order to "get back at you". Mark my words, she WILLLLLLLLLLLLL violate the court order to not have the children around the affair partner. If at all possible you need to hire a PI to track her movements (don't tell a soul about this) and you WILLLLLLLL catch her with the children and the affair partner together. I promise. When you do, don't go ballistic and go off on her. Instead (I learned this from my attorney), document everything with photos, notes, etc and when the time comes have your attorney "slam" her in court for violation of a court order, charge her with contempt.

Keep up the good work!

Congrats, Mad!!!

I'm so happy for you and YOUR kids! They need a parent who is stable, loving, and rational!

Sounds like your lawyer is worth every penny you are paying him.

Hopeandpray gave you some good advice about the PI...I hope you'll consider it.

Keep posting, Mad, we're all rooting for you.

~ Marsh

Wow, Madwyn I haven't kept up with you and now I see you went from frightened to empowered! Awesome job!

Great news Madwyn. What a turnaround.

Thanks to all of you for your words of encouragement. Someone was right when they said she will try to cry and manipulate me..... she already is. She makes it about the kids. Today she called crying and said "do you really think that what you have accomplshed is what is best for the kids? You are keeping them from me and that is not what they want". This was because she figured out she will not have the kids for the next 7 weekends or Tues/Thursday nights till bedtime. So essentially it finally dawned on her that she was going to see the kids Mon. nights and Wed nights till x-mas break.

In answer to your question Melody: I get to move back into my house on Nov. 11th. There is a very specific list of the things she can take from the house. Honestly, my attorney and I made the list and it was in the temporary orders.She is getting the TV (gives me a great excuse to buy a 42 inch flat panel), entertainment hutch (I have always hated that thing), couch and bed (bad memories attached to both for me), microwave, dining set (hated that too), and half the linens and stuff, and the plates (never liked them either). We will have to negotiate on the kitchen stuff.

Madwyn, your WW is really about to suffer the consequences of her actions. If you can afford to let her have the kitchen stuff, give it to her. That way, you get the new stuff. Out with the old, in with the new.

It sounds like she will have a lot of free-time on her hands. I guarantee she'll be miserable wallowing in self-pity even though she brought this all on herself.

Are the children happy about the arrangements?

The kids are very happy they get to spend more time with me, but my 11 year old daughter is worried now that she won't see Mommy enough..... I am going to have to walk a fine line with her. I honestly want what's best for my kids and I wont punish them by punishing their mother. I will make it as painful as possible for her as often as I can, but not at the expense of my kids wellbeing.

WW wants to spend thanksgiving dinner and x-mas eve dinner together as a "family" so the kids are disrupted as little as possible. That is going to have to take some serious willpower on my end if I can do it at all....

OK, its official, she is trying to manipulate me to no end, and she is trying to scheeme and get even with me. I have called my attorney to get advice. She is making me out to be the bad guy to the entire family for "taking her kids away from her".

She is a manipulative, conniving withch right now and I guess I am going to have to take steps to protect myself.

Okay. I told you she was going to do this. Mine did the same thing right after our divorce and custody hearing. Don't take her crap. Get your attorney to write letters threatening her with liable, alienation (if telling the kids crap), etc. You will have to make a believer out of her. Don't ever tell her anything that you are not going to do. She has brought all of this on your entire family and worse yet thought she would simply divorce you, move on with another man, let you play weekend dad and cash your checks once per month. NOTTTTTTTTTTT.

She will be a cunning, manipulative, spiteful, ****** as you have wrecked her little plan and fantasy...Don't fall for it. Hold her accountable and protect your children from her idiocy. If she proves worthy of being a mother who deserves more time with her children, can make good decisions for them wihtout only worrying about herself then perhpas more time is warranted. If not, then no. Stick to the court order as closely as possible and let your attorney deal with anything she does that doesn't fall within those guidelines.

well. I spent a very enjoyable (NOT) 3 hours with WW this afternoon going thru our garage/shed figuring out which boxes and stuff are hers (we moved a year and 1/2 ago from a 3000 sq ft house to a 1300 sq ft rebuild project on valuable lake property, so lots of stuff has been in storage).

Slowly and surely over those 3 hours I was accused, abused, and generaly made to feel like total crap. She actually blamed me for allowing the judge to rule in my favor. Apparently I could have stopped the rulling from happening because what was ruled was harmful to the children and once again everything is my fault.

While she had the restraining order in place she was telling everyone that I was just getting what I deserved and the only reason that I was asking for as much time as I was with the kids was becasue I wanted to deny her the rightful amount of child support. Now, since it obviously isn't about the money (I told the judge I wasn't claiming residential credits; he actually made me repeat myself under oath), I am the bad guy becasue I am keeping my children from the time they deserve with their mother just so I can hurt her.

I know its not right, but I feel like a piece of crap for winning in court. I didn't choose this. I actually am still in love with my wife and I have real friends who are making sure I don't go crawling back if called. I know I won't; I know I am empowered; I know that this is my game now and that I just have to "finish" and win on my terms, but it doesn't make me feel any better in the big picture.

I want whats best for my kids, and I want to feel like a good human being. How long do you suppose thats going to take? Years? Being strong, empowered, and in control doesn't equal no pain.

Well, I volunteered in my sons classroom today and I had a great time. I know it makes WW jealous with rage (because I can and she can't due to her having to work now) and that she also thinks I am only doing it to hurt her and falsely show others I care about my kids. But I know thats not the truth; the truth is I never did before becasue that was "her job" while I "worked" to support the family. Well, now that I know I have to take on some of her former role, I am going to do it with enthusiasm and energy.

I guess there is a silver lining, becasue I believe deep down I didn't know how much I loved my kids until this all came apart and I was forced to "see". I can not tell you how the feelings well inside me thinking about my children and how much it hurts that they will not grow up in the family I dreamed of.

I hope I can be everything they need in this life. I am afraid but steadfast; I will find a way to make their lives better every day. Maybe one day I will fel whole again too.

Hello Mad. You are doing great. Your WW is acting just like mine did when the Judge awarded me custody (and before the trial for that matter). There will be tears upon tears at transfers (funny how you saw few of these when everything was going her way and she was sitting in the catbird's seat, remember?) and accusations, appeals, and more as you go along. Keep reminding her that she can fix all of this if she would only be willing to stop looking to "please" herself and look to the good of others.

My EX WW a week or so after the hearing in one breath told me how the Judge said it would be good if sometimes the mother was awarded an extra day or two and in the next breath when I reminded her that the Judge had chastised her for carrying on an affair in front of our children (part. our 9 yo step daughter)and that the day after court she had placed this very SD in a car with this lunatic and spent the weekend out of town, she replied "well the Judge was a fat, male chauvenist pig and I didn't hear anything he said". Again, this was after she selectively heard him say something about extra time.

Something I have learned the hard way is that you can't reason with fools and that is what waywards are when in the midst of their fantasy affair, fools. Don't try and instead be grounded, slow to speak, quick to act, no judgmental but hold them accountable, be strong and confident without being "cocky", you be the one that is in control of your feelings and emotions and let them blow with the wind. Somewhere down the road this little affair will crumble and whether or not she tries to come back or whether or not you will have her back will not matter as you can take pride in the way you conducted yourself and protected your children

God bless.

awesome post HP. Madwyn, don't let your WW's words get to you. Remember, YOU are not the one harming your children, she is.

Remind her that it was HER choice to have an affair. It was her choice to leave you and hurt her children. Remind her that there is a path back if she would end her affair.

you are doing great!

I got the opportunity to remind her of exactly what you said today. I told her She chose this path we are on and She was the only one who could change it.

Her reply was "We are both responsible for what hapened to our marriage, and to argue about it anymore is pointless"

I move back into my house on Saturday and I am both excited and sad. It will ever be the same again without her there.

The marriage, yes. Her affair, no. She would like you to believe they are the same thing. They're not.
Mulan

Amen, Mulan. Hugz, Madwyn