Please provide us father's with your details on how you did it. I am in the fight now and I feel strong but I want to cover all my bases.

I will sit down and detail the whole sad saga this weekend (although the judgement was just and right) and try to be of any assistance possible in helping a deserving father (or mother for that matter) gain custody of their children and protect them from waywards who have lost it and from the (majority of the time) loser OP they hook up with.

I will get on it this weekend as the mother has visitation from Friday at 5:00 PM until Sunday at 6:00 PM.

Pep, no more useless phone calls, I promise. I may as well be beating my head against a brick wall right now.

mkevryday, thank you for your words of encouragement. Did your EX WW ever "get it" or is she still in la la la land? Is she a capable, good, great mother to your child? Any improvement with time?

keep meticulous records of her activities as well as your own. Continue to go back to court and re-visit the custody if you do not get what you want the first time around. Each case is unique... get a good lawyer....and be persistent.

No worries there MK, I have kept and unfortunately will be tasked to keep a detailed log forever it appears.

What about your EX WW. What kind of person is she today? Did she ever really get it? What kind of mother is she to your son?

Thanks

sometimes she wants to play good mommy.... other times she is a liar and hurtful towards both of us. She wants back in to our life and in reality, she will not get any more time with him until she proves that she has changed. My son really doesn't even care at this point if he sees her or not. That speaks volumes.

See below a journal I will have to keep forever I suppose. You will find it interesting and unfortunately typical at how the WS's think and act. I truly hope someday, for her sake and our kids sake, that something slips through the force field and makes its way into where what's left of the woman I married resides. I think the alien Wayward is just way too strong to allow that to happen right now.

Journal

Wednesday and Thursday, August 30 and 31, 2006

Court hearing, ********* County Courthouse, ******, **
Attorneys for Defendant: ***********
Attorneys for Plaintiff: **********
Judge: Hon. ********

Verdict for Father, Full Custody 18 mo. old male child, Mother gets Farese visitation with exceptions being;
6 weeks summer visitation vs. traditional 4 weeks
every spring break vs. alternating
alteration on standard Christmas holiday schedule and break

Mother to return DS to father at 5:00 PM on Friday, Sept. 1, 2006 in *******, **

Judge encourages continued visitation between stepdaughter and me on numerous occasions and EX WW says that she intends to continue visitation between SD and me on many occasions during her testimony.

Friday, September 1, 2006
(Day after court proceedings and verdict)

Baby-sitter’s sister and baby-sitter arrive at McDonald's in *****, ** at or near 5:00 PM with DS. DS is sleeping in the backseat. We transfer the baby. We are friendly and speak to one another. Barbara says "She (EX WW) will be there to pick him up Monday for the holiday (Labor Day). I said okay.

I find out (OM’s daughters and STBXW call all attest to this) that EX WW got into a car and drove 7 hours with her boyfriend (OM) to attend the opening home game of the University of Tennessee football season (vs. California and on television). Worse yet and after being berated by Judge in court chose to take our daughter (she is like a daughter to me since I have known her since she was 1 year old) on this trip with them (saying later you can’t imagine what it was like to be in that house without Brayden around. I would later ask her “Oh can’t I”. While you were off having your affair I watched our two children cuddled together each night thinking I have to stay for them).

Saturday, September 2, 2006

No contact. Ex WW and SD with OM in Tennessee.

Sunday, September 3, 2006

DS and I went to Church this morning attending both Sunday school and worship services. A good friend, ******(a witness of mine and a friend of EX WW and me) said that EX WW came up to her at Friday’s high school pep rally at the football field (SD was participating in Jr. Cheer Camp and they were cheering at the pep rally this morning) and never took one photo of SD but instead made a bee line for her and said "Well, I hope you are happy at helping me lose my child and thanks for being my friend and then shoved a folder said something ugly about me and stormed off (blaming everyone but herself). She fails to get that the very thing she did on Friday, Sept. 1 is the very reason the Judge did not award her custody or joint custody but somehow it is everyone else's fault.. I hope she gets it sooner than later or I have little hope at her being able to come out of this state she is in.... She will make no progress while engaged in any Relationship with the lunatic OM (it’s an addiction and has a life of its own). I will continue to pray for her no matter whether I want to or not. I will do it in reverence to God.

Sunday night when she called and the conversation went something like this;

EX WW: Hey
Me: Hey
EX WW: I wanted to see what time to meet on Monday
Me: I think we are supposed to meet at 8:00 AM
EX WW: How's DS
Me: He's had a good weekend
Me: How's SD
EX WW: She's not doing too good
Me: Okay
EX WW: I am bringing the title to the Denali so that you can sign it over
Me: Okay
EX WW: Do you have the other set of keys
Me: Yea, somewhere. I will find them and bring them.
EX WW: Your PI probably has them
Me: (No Response) and then I will see you tomorrow at McDonalds

Monday, September 4, 2006 (Labor Day), 2006

DS and I arise around 6:30 AM, get a bath, dressed and I medicate his back where a rash still exists. We arrive at McDonalds in Pontotoc at 7:30 AM and I order breakfast. He eats pancakes, hashbrowns and eggs. EX WW arrives and picks the baby up and loves on him before finishing feeding him. We don't talk other than about DS. I returned (clean) a cute outfit that she had sent him to me in last week. I placed a note in the bag I gave her referencing SD’s bio dad’s employment situation and my concern about SD's insurance (health) coverage or lack thereof and ask her to address it. I also mentioned her comments in court about me and SD having a relationship beyond this. I asked where SD was and she said "at home, She didn't want to come". I am sure this is going to be a problem. We let DS play on the playground for about 10 minutes before I got him and helped her get him to the truck. We strapped him in and I started to give him a kiss and she said "can he spend the night?". I replied "EX WW, you know I want to say yes to that but my attorney advised me for the meantime to stick to the letter of the law until emotions are less raw. She said "Well he's (my attorney) is an idiot, he's an idiot”. She climbed into the driver's seat and said "I guess he thinks that a mother seeing her baby four times per month is enough”. I did not reply other than to say, I will see you all at 6:00 PM tonight. Have a great and fun day. She began to sob uncontrollably, laying her head on the steering wheel and sat there for about 2 minutes. I went to my car ( I wanted to console her but I have been saving her from everything for years now and it got me nowhere and she has learned nothing) and I cried and then left for home. She then drove off a minute or so later.

She returned at 6:00 PM tonight and got out of the truck crying. She thrust the baby at me and said “I can’t do this”. I asked her to calm down and play with the baby a bit longer as I would run into McDonald’s and get a drink and DS some dinner. I also got her some tissue. I made this trip last about 15 minutes so that she could play longer with DS. I returned and I asked her to have SD call me and she said “she doesn’t want to talk to you right now”. I took the baby and buckled him in his car seat and she drove off crying. We returned home and he ate his dinner and we played and went to bed (EX WW had already given him a bath).

At 7:42 PM I sent a text message to EX WW encouraging her to get SD some counseling asap and asking her to tell SD that I love her.

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

I received the following text message back from EX WW at 1:26 PM today.

EX WW cell phone text message to me; “U ripped her brother away from his home, his mommy and her. Even a 9 yo knows that this is not love.”

I did not respond.

DS went to his first day of playschool today at FUMC in ******. He did great and got a glowing report. The teachers said that he got right in there an participated with all of the activities. They sang, played at the playground on site, ate their lunch, took a nap and colored and so on.

I called tonight around 6:32 PM and spoke with EX WW. The conversation went as follows:

I called the EX WW tonight at the advice of a friend in an attempt to reason with her about me speaking with our SD (daughter to me since 13 months of age). The conversation went like this

Me: Hello R
R: Hey
Me: What are you guys doing?
R: We are at gymnastics (SD goes here, of course it is in the hometown of the lunatic)
Me: Okay, how is V doing in gymnastics?
R: Good
Me: Look, R I really hope that after some time passes that you will get V some help. She needs counseling, she needs you to take your eyes off yourself and see her and her needs. She needs you to help with this transition
R: She needs help because YOU (meaning ME) took her brother away.
R: You lied to her. You told her that she could see B anytime she wanted and SHE wanted him to spend the night Mon. night and you said no.
Me: R, first of all you said nothing about V wanting B to spend the night. You were the one that asked the question. I then told you that I would love to say yes but that my attorney had told me to go with the letter of the law for now given emotions and sensitivities on both sides at this point.
R: Then, like I said "Your attorney is an idiot!"
R: V, doesn't want to talk to you right now.
R: I can't believe your attorney or you think a mother not seeing her child in over two weeks is in his best interests. YOU are going to traumatize the child if YOU do this. He has never been away from me for two weeks.
Me: R, I have a question for you, a serious one. Just what options did you leave me with? Did you fully think that I would simply tell you to take our children and move in or marry the lunatic that you are seeing and to feel free to have him raise our children except for the 4 times per month I would be allowed to see them? Did you really think that I would respond this way? You expected me to allow this lunatic to raise our children as his own since his own children and grandchildren will have nothing to do with him.
R: I would be raising B
Me: Don't kid me R. We both know your intentions and they are not that pure.
Me: One last piece of advice for you so that you can begin to heal from all of this. Go and stand for a long, long time in front of a large mirror and find the person that you should despise and be angry with before its too late for you.

SHE HANGS UP.

She has truly lost it. It is everyone’s fault but her own that she lost custody, destroyed our family, helped another man destroy his family, left devastation in her wake, has severely affected our daughter’s future, not too mention our son’s and so on. But, it is always someone else’s fault.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

DS and I awoke at 6:30 am, played, and watched cartoons until around 7:30 am at which time I took him to my mother’s home and I went to work. I will pick him up tonight around 5:00 PM. I am still paying the country club dues and DirecTV bills (totaling about $160 per month). These are taken out on direct withdrawal. I suppose I need to give these back to EX WW to pay. I may keep the country club dues for SD’s sake (swimming and all). Knowing EX WW she will cancel it and tell SD that I wouldn’t pay it and she can’t afford it leaving her without a place to swim this summer.

I called DirecTV and had the auto withdrawal payment stopped from my account. I sent EX WW a text message notifying her that I had done this and that she will need to pick this bill up (I had already paid Sept’s). I also let her know that she needed to change the primary account holder name to herself so that the mail would get sent to the correct place. I notified her via text messaging that I would be changing my beneficiary information on my life insurance policies. She told me in a text message that I needed to take my name off of any insurance policies that she was paying and I informed her that I think that she will have to change the beneficiary information on the one life insurance policy she has with them and the same information on the life insurance policy she has with another agency in ****, **. I will call and authorize the deletion of my name on the auto insurance today.

Even her text messages carry a tone of belligerence and blame on everyone but herself and OM for what has happened. I hold little hope for her at this point but I do know that no mountain is too big for God to crush and change so that gives me a glimmer of hope for her becoming the person she was, no a better person than that even, a better mother, daughter, friend, and so on.

Lastly, I told her in a text message that I would see her at McDonald’s in ****** at 5:00 PM on Friday, Sept. 8, 2006. Before all of this came down and EX WW started alienating SD she had planned to come and spend the weekend this weekend and have a sleep over with her cousin (by marriage). I doubt anything of this nature happens for a long time if ever if EX WW has her way. It is sad beyond belief at what this woman’s selfishness, entitlement, immorality and addiction to this lunatic has cost and continues to cause our family and our children so much pain.

DS and I ate spaghetti last night, went home, and played (including going for our nightly 1-mile bike ride) for about two hours or so before readying for bedtime. I washed his face and hands (he had already been given a bath) and gave him a snack and drink and we went to bed around 9:00 PM.

No contact other than the aforementioned text message regarding insurance from EX WW this day.

I purchased and mailed SD a singing card telling her I love her and that no matter what anyone says I will and have always been there for her and continue to be regardless of what she’s been told. I hope the card makes it to her and it isn’t intercepted and thrown in the garbage.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Awoke this morning around 6:00 AM and got DS dressed for school (his second day at FUMC playschool in Tupelo). He ate an egg sandwich and went to school. He will be at school from 9:00 AM until 2:00 PM today. I will pick him up at 5:00 PM this afternoon.

I picked DS up tonight after giving a friend a hand with some moving and we went home and went to bed early. He was tired from the school activities this day.

EX WW made no contact of any kind.

Friday, September 08, 2006

We awoke around 7:00 AM this morning and I dressed DS and took him to my mother’s home. I will pick him up tonight at 4:15 PM in anticipation of meeting EX WW in Pontotoc for the transfer for her visitation at 5:00 PM. He will be due back on Sunday at 6:00 PM at the same meeting place. I am concerned about his well being this weekend given EX WW’s state of mind and anger. I am concerned because I am certain she plans to have the children around OM this weekend. I will not fight with her no matter what she says. I will not fuel her anger at her own terrible decision and judgment and unwillingness to take responsibility for her actions. I will not make it easy for her to make me the bad guy by arguing or fighting with her.

I sent a text message to SD today telling her I love her also reminding her that she knows it is true. I hope that she gets it. I am nervous about our interaction, but will be fine.

I will let her know that I will be out of town until Sunday noon and provided both my cell phone numbers for use should something arise regarding DS. I could be back in a little over an hour if need be.

At the drop off today EX WW asks if she and SD can keep DS until Tuesday evening when she is coming to ****** to have photos of the children made. I told her that I would speak with my attorney and let her know early Sunday afternoon.

Saturday, September 9, 2006

We had a little text message war this morning that I have saved and can and will print. It is truly fruitless and futile to argue w/ someone so out of their mind. I will get this eventually.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

I was out of town and I called EX WW around 1:00 PM today. I told her the following:

EX WW, I have spoken with my attorney and against his better judgment and advice I am going to allow DS to stay until Monday night at 6:00 PM. This is an extra night and one day that would be normally mine to have with him. I don’t want him to miss school on Tuesday but I will meet you at Photography studio with him on Tuesday night so that photos of the children can be made and then you can take him and SD to dinner before returning him to me.

I want to tell you one thing though. When I give up my time so that you and SD can spend more quality time with DS and develop and bond in a relationship with him it is my expectation that this time is for you and SD and doesn’t involve the OM. If it does my inclination to award my time with DS to you will be greatly diminished in the future.

She said she understood. Well she didn’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I get a call around 6:30 PM tonight from OM’s wife and she asks am I sitting down? I say, no, why? She said that her daughter, had just gone to the OM’s home to get her laundry and EX WW, DS and SD are at the home with OM present. The next part is a point of contention as OM’s wife’s daughter said that she went after EX WW physically and EX WW would say later to me that she never saw her and instead retreated to another room with DS and SD. Daughter to OM’s wife called EX WW a ******. OM is not supposed to enter the home until October 1, 2006 and he had a locksmith come out and enter the home and basically said that he didn’t care what the court order said, that he was paying the mortgage and he would come whenever he pleased. His wife is currently pursuing legal action against him to the fullest extent through her counsel.

I immediately thanked OM’s wife for letting me know and called EX WW. She didn’t answer the first couple of times. On the third time she answered and I said where are you and she said about to ******. I asked “where have you been”? She paused for about 30 seconds and then said that she had taken SD and DS swimming at OM’s home (she then began to try and explain). I told her that I would be after DS in one hour have him ready and hung up.

She called back and was crying uncontrollably begging that I not come and get DS. I hear SD start to cry and say that it is her fault that she is the one who wanted to go swimming. I got her on the phone and reminded her that she was 9 years old and none of this is her fault. I asked EX WW if she had gone insane. Did she not hear anything I said to her Sunday afternoon? She just kept on crying. She started trying to say that SD wanted so bad to go swimming and the country club at ****** was closed and that she had promised to take her yesterday but it rained and so on.

The next 1 ½ hours were basically a cleansing for me. I said everything I needed to say to her. I need say nothing else. We talked about our children, our marriage, her mental instability and immorality. We talked about the lunatic OM and all of his problems and I challenged her to look at this situation she is choosing to place our children into. We talked about why she lost custody and what she did the day after losing custody. We talked about her adoption and relationship with her father. We talked about her re-writing marital history to justify who she’s become and what she’s done to me and our family. We talked about this being the last lifeline I have left to try and help her and how I don’t intend to keep banging my head against a wall with only a headache to show for it. I tried to convince her that she was so much better than this, that she could be so much more but that she had to find her self-respect and dignity first. I told her of the pain (worse than death) that she caused for me when she did this. Of how I would lie in bed with our children knowing they would be split up if I didn’t stay the course.

For the first time she actually (while uncontrollably sobbing) said “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I don’t know if she meant it or not. This went on for 1 ½ hours. She begged me not to come and get DS, saying she would be at home all day tomorrow, please don’t come and get him, please she cried. I told her that I had one question for her. I asked her what she would do if the roles were reversed. What would you do? She was silent for about 30 seconds except for crying and then she said, “I guess I would come and get him”. I said, thanks EX WW, finally the truth comes from you. So, since you told the truth he can stay until 6:00 PM Monday like we had planned.

There was some more talking and that was the end of it. God has blessed me by using this event to allow me to say everything I ever wanted to say for the last 8 months and couldn’t. It is said and I am done. Much like the morning I came to my attorney’s office finally “getting it” and telling him to file the divorce papers, I finally understand that I cannot save her, only she can do that and I don’t know if she will. I can only focus on DS first and SD second (I did get to speak with SD for the first time albeit under extreme circumstances).

It is so sad to watch someone with so much potential become what Ex WW has become. She could be so much, so much more. He potential to be a great wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc is limitless. She is (was) smart, dependable, capable, loving, empathetic, generous, and much more before traveling this destructive path. Even then she was only tapping a little of the potential that resides inside her. It is truly sad to watch.

Notable remarks from Ex WW during our conversation:

“I didn’t hear anything that came out of the judge’s mouth, (when I confronted her about her actions the day after court and continuing to expose SD to this man). He is a “fat, male chauvinist pig”.

“I did tell SD that I had made bad decisions for our family and was paying for it” (somehow I doubt she did this. I hope but doubt.)

“I can’t go two weeks without seeing DS”, I can’t (crying).”

“I do have some reservations about OM” (when I asked her about this man and what came from his own mouth under oath, not counting everything else she knows about him)”

“You don’t know everything there is to know about him (paramour)”

“I don’t have plans to marry him right now”. SD is in school and we aren’t planning any kind of move”. (when I asked about her intentions and told her that this man was going to ruin what is left of her life and take SD with them).

“Thank you, oh God thank you” *crying’ (at my response that she could keep him until 6:00 PM on Monday night)

This is the meat of it. I don’t know if she heard anything I said. She acted like she did but who truly knows if it will have any effect. The neat thing is that I feel like I lost 50 lbs in 1 ½ hours. I was allowed to say things about all subjects that I have felt incapable of saying or in a position to say for 8 months.

My analogy for her is this; that I have given a bum (EX WW) a $10 bill (excellent things to think on and about and contemplate from our discussion). She can now choose to go and buy dinner, get medicine, help someone more needy, buy a blanket for cold winters OR she can go get the next drink or line of crack cocaine. The cool thing is, that this is no longer my responsibility. It is between her and God. I have exited stage right. My part in this drama (save for the children) is over.

Monday, September 11, 2006

EX WW called out of the blue this morning around 8:30 AM and said;

Hey, have you bought DS’s Halloween outfit yet? I said no. She said well I found a neat Elmo outfit in this catalog. I said fine he likes Elmo’s World and if you want to get it do so and I will pay half of the cost. She said okay. She then started asking how he liked school and I told her he loved it and that I had a couple of 8x10’s of his first day framed that I had intended to give to her and SD for the home in Calhoun City. We talked a bit longer and then hung up. It was strange the way she acted this morning after last night’s emotional phone call.

I will pick up DS tonight at 6:00 PM.

I intend to take the next two weeks (until her next weekend on Sept. 22) and let a little reality sink in. Other than briefly seeing him Tuesday night for photos and dinner I intend to keep DS on a schedule and with me. I will see how she reacts and her actions will dictate further nights of mine being awarder her if any.

how did you accomplish this...
i am about tobe in the fight of my life against my other half
her ex is abusive, bi-polar... neither have had custody of their 2 kids in over 6 years
she is in denial, saying no affair is present...

congrats - you are following the high road