I was thinking this same thing, and scrolling down to write it.

IF you go spend the night at the house, but are not a part of the family - you are teaching a 13 yo that is OK. I do not know about yours, but mine is VERY impressionable. They act all independant, and are developing their own style - but RIGHT NOW they are forming in their mind the kind of guy they want to marry. And it is YOU. You are setting her up for your very same sitch.

I, too, am being watched for what kind of husband my girl will want. (I, too, have some work to do)

Please, show her a man of integrity. You are the only parent that can.

far

Ok.....here is my take on it. NO, dont do it.

I myself??.....once someone else has been with my wife after marriage, my wife would seem so icky to me. (This is just me, so dont flame me). I know my now wife had a previous life and had been with other men previously, but after we became husband and wife....its almost like she has been mine from the start. If someone sleeps with my wife after marriage, its almost like they are damaged goods or something to me and I cant drum up any type of sexual feelings at all. This may seem weird to alot of people, but this is how I honestly feel.

Hi Chris,
I just got through reading your post on here, and I am in the same boat as you, almost. Except, I am the woman married to a sex addicted man. My husband and I have been married and divorced, to remarried, and now separated again. We have been going to marriage counseling, and she suggested the separation after I found out about this other one night stand. My husband had cheated on me twice, and I have had 6 women tell me he has came on to them. One was my sister in law.He has had problems with drinking and drugs. I love my husband and we have 2 kids together. He is an amazing man, a good father, he works hard, and he has been good to me. All except for this secret side of him. The counselor said no sex, and what do you think happened the other night after he brought the kids home? I knew I shouldn't, but I did. Now, I feel that he just used me, because he says he is so attracted to me, it drives him crazy. He states he wants to change,and he is even seeing a male therapist. Any advice to me? How do you know when to let go? He is killing my love for him slowly. I was strong before when we divorced, but this time I can't seem to find that strength. Maybe we can give each other some helpful advice.

christylee35120,

Obviously, I am not a good person to talk too about what to do. I would be more than willing to listen and be a source of support, just do the opposite of what I do, lol. I keep putting my hand in the same fire and wondering why I get burned. No more though, there will never be another reconciliation, I know that, it's just the sex I gotta try and ressist now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Boy does she get annoyed when I tell her it's not a relationship, it's just friends with benefits. I think she actually thinks she is keeping the door open for a future reconcilliation like before.

Chris,

"" I think she actually thinks she is keeping the door open for a future reconcilliation like before.""

BINGO!!!
We have a winner folks, we have a winner!!

Why WOULDN'T she think this!!!

You have divorced and remarried twice before this correct? The same SOP (standard operating procedure) as before, correct?

And YOU are acting the SAME way as before, correct??

I am sure she EXPECTS and is RELYING on the future reconcilliation, BASED ON YOUR ACTIONS AND RE-ACTIONS to her.

You must show her that this is the end, by stopping ALL relations with her.

Someone said to go plan B after the D. GO PLAN B NOW!! Maybe it will sink in after a while.

Or else you can to this the rest of your life.

krk

Chris,
You deserve better. But if a beautiful woman that you want to have sex with wants to have sex with you it's pretty hard to resist. If you could shift your mind away from (wanting her back), then maybe you could just have your fun, but it doesn't sound like that is where you are?
Heartsore

I have to admit, the spiteful revengeful side of me kind of enjoys letting her think there's a possibility of reconciliation all the while knowing I would not be interested in that again. I have been so used and abused by her, in a sick way, it feels kind of good to have the upper hand and be using her for once. Plus, it's kind of an ego boost to have someone who didn't want you "want" you. I just need to keep my emotions out of it if possible (if I continue down this path with her), because the minute she finds a suitable replacement, it will be over (until that replacement dumps her or she tries to come back again, lol).

[quote]
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And you, knowing her sexual experience, should be double bagging your johnson, if you get my drift!!

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Maybe soak it in Hydrogen peroxide for 15 minutes afterwards as well?

---------------

I think battery acid is the recommended course of action in this instance.

Chris,

I think brownhair is on the money here. You are seriously constraining your future options. No woman worth her salt is going to appreciate your friends with benefits act with an ex. Especially one as screwed up as yours.

Women you meet in the future will put you in the same boat with her. They deserve each other kind of thing.

Think of your future, man! There is a whole big beautiful universe out there. Move away from the dark, Chris. Move away from the dark.

With prayers,

Aphelion makes a great point. If you plan to have true intimacy with someone in the future, then you will be sharing your past (which includes everything you've been doing and plan to do w/ your ex). If you aren't going to be proud of your actions (if you meet the most wonderful loving woman in the world and start talking about your pasts) then you should ask yourself whether you should do it at all? What example do you want to set for your children? You are getting good advice... but it's up to you to do the right thing. Nobody ever regrets doing the right thing!
Heartsore

OMG I am such a sucker! Someone please just shoot me now!

Ok, so you know how I was saying I was the one in control and it was a nice change to have the tables turned. So my WW call's me today and says she doesn’t want to do the whole "friends with benefit's" thing now all the sudden. I thought I would be cool with this as I was trying to just view it as just sex, but I guess since I am still in love with my WW it's not that easy separating the sex from the love.

Feels like I got dumped all over again even though I was the one asking for the divorce after finding out about the affairs! It's like she deliberately seduced me only because I didn't want her, but now that she succeeded, she doesn’t want me again! I think she is trying to make me insane! What the ****** was I thinking!

You were ALL right.

Chris (still the fool)

You've heard the story about the Man with a small fortune that meets the Man with lots of experience? After their dealings, The man with the experience ends up with the small fortune, while the man that had the small fortune, just got some experience..........

Consider this a life lesson

Chris,

Heartsore, gave you some very good advice. I will repeat it only stronger. I am reminded of the story of a lady trapped on the top of her roof in a flood. A man comes by in a small row boat and asks her to get in and he will take her to safety. She declines saying that the water is not that high and God will provide for her. An hour later a man comes by in a power boat. The water is considerably higher and he asks her to get in and he will take her to safety and she declines stating that she thinks the water will stop rising and that God will provide. An hour later, the water is still rising, and a helicopter comes over, and one of the crew shouts down via megaphone for her to grab on to the ladder and climb up and they will take her to safety. Again she declines stating that the water will surely stop rising and God will provide for her.

The lady drowns and goes to heaven, where she confronted God and asked why he did not save her. God responds I sent a row boat, I sent a motor boat, and I sent a helicopter, you were foolish enough to not take the help you were given.

Chris, this is your 3rd chance to get to safety. More importantly someone has to rear your daughter and show her what a normal relationship can be. It is time you climbed the ladder into the helicopter my friend.

You are not in love, you are just hurt because she fooled you and did it again and the ONLY excuse you can give yourself for being a fool to her, is that you love her. Love is NOT an excuse for foolishness. Love is an action, not a feeling. It is time you quit running from the fact that YOU, my friend, chose poorly when it came to a mate and you have done it repeatedly. Chris, being wrong is not bad, but STAYING wrong is inexcusable.

This NOT her fault, nor is it about her. This is all about you and you NOT wanting to face yourself.

Think about this and then walk away from this woman.

God Bless,

JL

PS: You did not answer my questions, but I will offer you something to think about. If you remain with this woman as you are now, the odds are high that you will end up with an STD. More than just HIV/AIDS are deadly and debilitating. You need to think about your daughter or you will not make it to see her grow up into the woman she will become. Get tested and then stay away from this woman.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results".
-Benjamin Franklin


Heartsore