I disagree with what is best for the child.

Becca-darling

fix your marriage first

from the foundation of a strong marriage ... the rest of the solution(s) will become obvious ~~~> in their own good time

Best of luck to you and your husband

Pep

Becca, resolve this issue first as time marches on and the child has already lost precious time with his father.

a good mother makes her nest (home) safe for her babies ... feather your nest ...

Becca, Mr. Becca... don't be bird brained.... let the father see his child before you are forced to do so. Trust me, if you force his hand, eventually you will need to deal with a very inflexible and stubborn dad. Show him compassion and you can expect it in return. Make him battle every little detail of this out in court and you will have wasted time and a whole lot of money... neither of which will be recoverable. And Becca, if you have any ideas of keeping this child from his bio dad, you better be ready for battle... now and in the future. And if you know you are going to let him have access, the sooner you do this the better!

McBecca, I want to ask you a question. Would this even be an issue for you if the OM was married? I ask this because some day he likely WILL marry. Then your DD will have two mommies and two daddies. Ok, so some kids do ok with this situation but I am asking you to get to the heart of your true motivation here, which I believe is you want an excuse to have contact with the OM.

Think long and hard and talk things over with your H before you turn your children's world upside down.

For those of you who have never experience the pain of having your spouse have a child with the OP, then you honestly do not know the level of pain and betrayal Mr.McBecca is experiencing. For once this Wife needs to put her H first.

You are wrong CN. My H is my DS's father through and through. So are you saying that Mr. and Mrs. Pep are not the "real" parents of their children because they are no biologically their's?

FF ... for the record

CN's opinion about my children ... means zilch to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

literally zilch

Pep

Pep,

Your opinion means absolutely noting to me either.

zilch.

nodda.

nothing.


If fact I don't have an opinion about your children at all.

I do have an opinion about this child and I think the bio dad, who happens to want to be invloved, deserves the chance to be involved.

With all due respect sir or madam...

Before i rebut, i would like to acknowledge that it does take two to tango, but shes back with her original dance parter and I'm sorry but H gets the last dance.



If your calling the OM the father I disagree.
OM can't do anything if the state is texas. I know this because i went through it, and im the H, not the OM.


Correction, you'll have a very broke and angry jerk.


Expect to have someone forcefully wedge himself into your family tree like a weed in the rose garden. Ask yourself if you want a crack dealer as a house guest when your trying to recover.


In America, we can't dictate how soon a fool and his money are soon parted.


check with your state, in texas my daughter is the product of my marriage, and OM couldn't do anything to us.


If your state is the same as texas, the sooner you cut him off the better. shut him down.
you have the power if you choose the wield it.

OM's feeling don't count. If you were single and unmarried I would feel different, BUT you ARE married and you have a parter already.

with my situation, and the way the OM was, my daughter was a potention weapon to give him the ability to insert himself into our lives and make my W miserable for choosing me over him . (which really is what made him threaten the same thing you are facing now)

OM = loser
Family with all 4 kids = one

woman that sleeps with another man while married = loser ( this status can be changed to former loser with hard work).

woman that says she will take her existing children from her H = Loser

woman that lies to OM about state of her M = loser

woman that keeps child from father = loser

woman that thinks she is due parental rights because of anatomy = loser

woman that admits to OM that he is the father + has paternity test proving H is not the father = loser in court since the presumption of paternity has been proven false

Just because the OM may not have legal rights in your state.. as you see it... does not mean he isn't the father. I am certain that you are a wonderful parent to your child.... but do you really think reading Becca's story that she will be that to her child??? Really.

I think the laws are in need of change... and change is happening... slowly but surely in matters concerning fathers. That you were able to use the law to your advantage is obviously made you very happy... in my eyes, it is an abomination to keep a dad from his child.

We are all entitled to our opinion.

BTW, RMX... I just read your thread... you have some serious issues to deal with on your own. Good luck handling those.
Sounds like you are very young and have been through the wringer.

eggzaclee

Becca... everyday you wait to let that man start a relationship with his child is another day that will make it more difficult for your child to bond to his dad. I suggest whatever you decide to do, do it soon.
Good luck.

In Michigan, even if they admit it's not likely not husbands and maybe even stipulate that it's OM's, OM STILL loses. He would not have standing to bring a case to dispute the presumption...only Mr. or Mrs. McBecca can.

This may not be the best soceital answer to this question in every instance; however, with the hard and fast rule it is hoped that soceity, families & OC's will be better off on the whole because of it. The institution of MARRIAGE, Mr. and Mrs. McBecca, not Motherhood, is placed above the paternal rights of OM. With such a rule, OM's everywhere should beware and be forewarned ...don't go spreading your seed around in married woman and expect to be respected or even heard.

Now if OM was married or single and Mrs. McBecca were single then he'd have a good paternity case. This is not a male/female debate...but a marital versus unmarried debate. Again, OM's beware the married vessel.

Mr. Wondering

most law comes down to a reasonable man theory. I don't believe that "presumption" has anything to do with this case at this point. The "presumption" has been proven false. She has admitted paternity and these are the types of cases that result in precedent changing cases.

What about the real father - the one who's in a committed relationship with the child's mother - the one who is already stepping up and being the daddy? What about HIS wishes and worthiness to be the father?

Why the accusations of gender bias when there is obviously gender bias on the part of the one accusing?

I live this life as the OC - and I CHOOSE the man who raised me - who didn't commit adultery - as my father. The OM wanted to be a part of my life - of my existence, but didn't want to do the right thing by the woman he helped cheat on my father. He wasn't ready to be ALL the daddy I needed.

I grew up with a strong moral compass because there was no confusion over who my parents were. Can you curse this child with that kind of chaos for the sake of "Bonding" with this OM who's obviously only thinking of his chest-thumping-father-hood rights, when he has no clue what it takes to be a real dad or he'd back off and let this child grow up in a family with a MOMMY AND A DADDY.

A child needs BOTH - not two of each, or two of one and one of the other. A MOMMY AND A DADDY!

Oh and by the way - real fathers aren't necessarily bio fathers - but fathers who knows what it means to protect that "skin of innocence" as Dr Phil talks about. MEDC would throw this child right into that chaos soup that his ex threw his children in - for the sake of a bio-dad's rights. He'd damage someone else's child and rob them of the innocence and protection they need, deserve and are being offered by the one who's manning up and seeking to do what's best for this child...

Shakes head. MEDC - you can have your opinion. But you are wrong on this one. and you will have a child suffer NEEDLESSLY if you win the ability to confuse McBecca into having contact.

Oh, okay... you say I'm wrong.... all knowing and powerful KA. I guess I change my opinion. Thank you for enlightening me.

Thanks KaylaAndy and MrW for your insightful posts. Totally agree.