Dinner together was always special, one of the most important aspects of our marriage was our friendship. We were each others absolute best friend.
We took a lot of road trips and always had a blast. It always seemed we had fun together no matter what we did.
Christmas, birthdays and our anniversary were always important and special.
And laughing. We both have great sense of humors and laughed together all the time about everything. Until the depression hit and I became a not very nice person.

Orchid: After the WS moved out, he spent 1 weekend watching our son while I was out of town on a business sponsered trip. The WS went to work and left a bag of his dirty work clothes in our room. The next weekend, I took that bag and hung it on the OWs door.

That caused a riot of laughs when I received the call from the WS 5 days AFTER I put the laundry bag on her door (OW lived over 30 miles in another town). OW claimed she was 'scared of me', tole me her H would have me fired from work. Stupid OW. I told my HR dept and my boss they may get a letter from the OW and I was told my job would NOT be in jeporady. LOL!!! OW also claimed her BS (who did not live with her - wonder why? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> claims her BS found the bag of laundry and found 'poop' on the WS BVDs. Ha!!! WS is NOT a messy boy by any means so I knew she was lying. After all, I had that bag in my closet for a week and I did check the clothes since WS had cut a tree down that weekend as part of his work. Stupid OW. When the WS informed me of the poop charge, I busted up laughing in Costco (where I was at the time I received the call). I had to step out of line and compose myself before I could do anything else. The convo went something like:

WS: Why did you do it?
BS: Do what?
WS: Take my clothes to OW's house
BS: Why would I do that?
WS: U know u did. Why.
BS: Was it dirty or clean?
WS: Dirty. It was from when I did that tree job while you were out of town.
BS: That was almost 2 weeks ago. Why are you only doing that laundry now?
WS: I wasn't. OW's H found it hanging on the door and OW says my BVDs had poop on them. She is quite angry.

BS: Oh, just a minute, I have to get out of line and go sit down...... I will call you back in a few minutes.

BS: Ok.....now tell me again..what happened?
WS: OW's H found a bag of my work clothes on OW's porch. OW says you put it there and she saw you. Then she says there was poop on my BVDs and her H found the bag. Her H is going to call your work to get you fired. I am frightened for you , L. Why did you do this?

BS: Hm....that's funny. You don't poop in your pants. Listen, I have to go.... I am in Costco and need to finish shopping before they close. I will call you back.

(Actually I had to go to laugh....I just couldn't hold it in any longer - LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ).


So about 5 minues later, I called him back.

BS: Btw, is it animal or human
WS: What?

BS: The poop?

WS: I don't know.

BS: You didn't see it? I thought you both shared EVERYTHING together.

WS: No I didn't see it.

BS: Was it hard or soft? Because today is Thursday, when did she find it?

WS: On Monday. She told me yesterday (Wednesday). It was probably dry.

BS: Well I gotta go finish shopping.... I will call you back.

About 20 minutes later, I called him back. He was anxiously waiting by the phone.

BS: Ok, I can talk now, so tell me again what happened?

WS: I'm too tired and stressed out to repeat it all but..... (he proceeded to tell me again but this time with slightly altered details - this is why I asked him to repeat it. He still seem worried).

BS: You weren't a messy guy in your pants before you moved out. Have your habits changed?

WS: No, I don't poop in my pants. I told her you wouldn't do something stupid like putting poop in by BVDs. She got mad at me for defending you.

BS: Hm.... c/b her H is lying or she is lying. Who do you think is pulling your leg.

WS: I don't know.

BS: Actually this is kind of funny.

Ws: Yea, it is.

BS: The weird part is you are calling me today (Thursday). When did she find it?

WS: On Monday.

BS: When did she tell you?

WS: Yesterday (Wednesday).

BS: And you are calling me today (Thursday)?

WS: I didn't know what to do.

BS: Boy either one of you is lying or you both quite slow.
Ok, now think back WS....you were at my house almost 2 weeks ago. So if there was any dirty laundry bag, it would be about 11 days old. Any poop anywhere would be very stinky don't you think?

WS: Yes.

BS: Well WS, I didn't put any poop in your dirty laundry bag. You left your bag of dirty laundry in my closet and I decided if you were having an A with the OW, she ought to do your laundry, after all she already has seen your BVDs. LOL!!!

WS: So you took the bag up?

BS: Yes I did. Now listen carefully..... the OW was not home when I went because I dropped it off (w/o poop) On Saturday. Ow's car was gone and there were witnesses. LOL!!! (I waved to a neighbor and didn't go by myself).

BS: Now go find out who was lying and listen up again..... you got yourself into this mess. You have to get yourself out. You want to hang around people who stink and lie....then you are at the right place by being at OWs house. She lies to you as well as anyone else who she wants to hurt and manipulate. If that's the kind of person you want to be with, go ahead. I can bring more stuff up there.

WS: No don't. ......

At the end of the convo, he had calmed down, even laughed a bit and yep it caused a huge LB between the OW and WS. Not sure if her H ever saw that bag but her story didn't check out. So Imagine if that bag hung there for 2 days. LOL!!!

Now I will tell you that you s/b making those calls once in a while. Do not answer the phone. She should NOT know it was you that called. Do the calls late at night, then leave the phone where you found it. Dial and walk away. It will look like he left the phone on.


Orchid: Plan A is for you to help you. Whether he gets is or not is not important.


Orchid: NO D talk until YOU are ready for it.



Orchid: Good. The go read His Needs/Her Needs (Dr. Harley).

L.

Thank you so much Orchid for your help and advice. LOVED the story...hilarious.

So, my H was in the shower this morning after I called OW the first time. I went and checked his phone again and she had called again...I guess she saw his # come up and figured he could talk. So I called her back. She answered this time and I just let the phone sit. She said hello several times and eventually hung up. I took the phone with me into the bathroom and told him that I was outside loading up my car and heard his phone beep that he had a message so I brought it in for him (which is believable, b/c his message alert is LOUD). I set the phone on the sink and stayed in the room talking to him. Lo and behold a few minutes later, she called his phone. What a surprise. He asked who it was and I asked if I could answer it and then I did. Funny...she still didn't want to talk to me...she hung up immediately. He asked who it was and I told him he knew who it was. Then we both let the subject drop. It was exhilarating actually.

So now my next question is...how should I handle sex? We had it this afternoon and we asked each other why and what was going on afterward. Neither of us know. And the funny thing is, it's actually more frequent and better than it was before. But is it bad to have sex with him right now? A lot of people tell me to quit, but I can't help it.

What happened is ya had sex! You were attracted and had sex! Its a GREAT IDEA to have sex with him as long as he isn't having sex somewhere else. If he is, I would reconsider and get some STD testing.

Now, back to telling the BF??? How is that coming along?

OK, that makes me feel a little better. I'm basically doing it hoping to show him what he will be missing when/if he leaves me. My only problem is that he's not initiating anything. But he doesn't resist me very much either.

telling the BF...truthfully, I'm chicken s***. I'm scared to call on the weekends because the OW is off and I don't want to call when I know she'll be there. I was going to call on Monday.

k, sounds good.

I promise I'll call him by Monday and I'll post how it went. I'm feeling a little stronger by posting and getting advice, so thank you all for that.

I do want to take everyone's advice but it's hard right now.

One of the things I don't understand is that he knows I went and spoke with a lawyer a couple weeks ago, I told him what the lawyer told me...we live in IL and it is not a no-fault divorce state (good for me). He has no grounds to file against me except irreconsilable differences and he can't do that until we've been seperated for 6 months. Now, if it were me, and I wanted out so badly, my a** would have been out the door that night, starting the required seperation time. He hasn't gone anywhere or even mentioned trying to seperate. I don't get it or him.

I'm so tired of being confused.

Can't wait to talk to the BF now! Hopefully that'll be the first step to putting this all behind us. Still a little nervous. H is going to be furious!!!

Steph, many waywards yap about divorce but never follow through. Don't pay it any mind. A wayward is about like talking to a falling down drunk. If you look at him like that, you will better understand him.

He probably has some pipe dream with the OW that they will each leave their respective spouses for the other. But when push comes to shove they usually never follow through. That is why you should ignore the babbling of a wayward and only go by his ACTIONS. Start worrying about divorce WHEN, and only WHEN you receive papers. Until then, it is just more blah, blah, blah.....

Even when he's gotten advice from other divorees on what to do and what to expect and has told his mom that he wants it? Apparently people are telling him that he hasn't been happy for a while.

blah, blah, blah, blah...................

OK, I get it....

Thanks

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> good girl!

stph20:

A word of warning. If you are having sex with your husband and he has NOT been tested and cleared since his last encounter with the OW (an almost 100% certainity that he has not), you are in essence having sex with EVERY single man the OW has ever slept with. You are bathing in their fluids willingly. (Sorry for the graphics, but this point needs to be made crystal clear).

There is no other way to sugarcoat this for you. Yes, we can talk about "needs" and "plan A" and lovebusters and all of that stuff, but that doesn't change the FACTS of what you are doing and choosing.

If you knowingly are having sex with him now, and are ready and willing to accept the consequences of such hehavior (including but not limited to chlamydia, Herpes, Syphillis, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, and HIV disease) then by all means go ahead and meet all his needs. The plans and advice here offered by the official sanctioners of the site NEGLECTFULLY fail to also mmention that to you. Yes, it may be "implied" that you understand the risks, but the 40,000 people who acquired HIV last year probably also "knew" to.

I am all for responsibility and accountability. If you are willing to accept the risks of getting these diseases in the name of giving your cheating husband some of these needs, then you can are as he** count on me giving you support. To each their own.

LM

Howdy to da Lemonman! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Howdy. i am sitting back watching the Texas Ohio State game and the Texas fans are going nuts. made me think of you...LOL.

Lem

Hopefully, they left their pistolas back in the truck! **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Texans = Nuts

Yeap ....I thought of Mel, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

JUSTUSS!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

~~~> click *here*

I had thought about having him get tested, but I didn't say anything because they've only had sex twice.