So why doesn't he move back in with you? He can still sleep on the air matress on your floor.

He doesn't want to be here with me. He wants a divorce (or so he says) and we have to be separated for him to get one. So, we're separated.

OK stph - I guarantee he is having sex with her. WS's LIE HELLO - did you get that? THEY LIE their asses off.

This man has it made. Why would he not eat cake? He will never come home while he has readily available sources of sex.

Why does he want a divorce?

No, no, no. I know him and he's not having sex with her. I am not in denial about this, I just know he's not. Trust me, he's being blatanly honest with me about everything since this came out and especially since we separated.

I'm not sure why he wants a divorce. He met OW and he says she's a lot happier of a person than I am (I am on AD's and feeling much better) and he's ready to move on.

My goodness Stph - Listen to yourself. You wanting to believe something doesn't make it true.

There is barely a man alive who will do what he is doing if he hasn't lined up more horizontal refreshment. Maybe there is another OW I don't know but I guarantee he is having some on the side as well.

Have you had a PI follow him? Really Stph, if the mans lips are moving he is lying. Wake up Chere.

So, if he is getting some on the side, what do I do?

We're both too attracted to each other still to stop, and I don't know what else to do to get him to spend time with me. Even when we get together for other reasons besides sex, it always ends up happening. Neither of us can help it or stop it. And I guess I'm feeling vulnerable and I want him to want me still and make him rethink what he's doing (getting divorced).

OK - Who is the OW? I presume you know this and have done exposure because MelodyLane has been posting to you. In any case you have to identify what he is doing when he is not with you. If you are both as attracted to each other as you say, it is inconceivable that if there were no other distractions he would not move back home.

No. He is out of home so he can continue his sleazy affair in secrecy. Your mission is to remove the secrecy. This man is playing you for a fool.

I have done all the exposing I can do. I don't know what else to do besides my Plan A, which is what MelodyLane keeps telling me to do (besides painting my toenails!). He knows I know (he admitted everything to me) and he knows that I've told everyone. He doesn't know why I've told everyone, but he knows that I have.

Steph, stick to your Plan A, but STOP talkng about attorneys and stop having sex with him if he has had sex with the OW. He has to get STD testing before you can do that.

BigK, yes, her WS is having his cake and eating it too. And he will for a few more weeks until she is ready to go into Plan B. She isn't at that point YET.


Get out of this deal, Steph. This sounds almost like he wants to use you just to get a piece of [censored]. If that is all he wants, he should go pay for it. You are not a ****** or a piece of toilet tissue.

I was the one who kind of made the deal. It's really not his fault.

It's a bad deal that cheapens your value to him, Steph. If you don't place a higher value on your services, he sure won't.

Well, he's coming over for dinner on Tuesday. I will try not to have sex with him then or any time in the near future.

I don't know how else to spend time with him. Like I said, we do spend actual time together, that's just part of the time spent. And he's gotta see Plan A in action for it to work!

Our "deal" was kind of a joke. I didn't mean it the way it came out (really).

sooo??

He came over Tuesday. We did not have SF, I'm proud to say! But he got mad at me earlier in the day, so that had a lot to do with it. He was over it by the time he got to the house, but still wasn't interested in SF. And truthfully, neither was I.

I saw my lawyer today. She suggested that if I don't want the divorce, to wait for him to file. Sounds like a plan.

We kind of had a heart to heart Tuesday as he was leaving. In the beginning of the conversation, he asked me how counseling was going. I told him it was fine, but I hadn't been in 2 weeks, and that I would still like for him to go. That was all that I said about it. At the end of the conversation, he said to call him when he wanted me to go to the counsler. Progress!

I told him that I surprised myself because I've been fine at the house by myself since he's been gone. I don't miss him like I thought I would. And that's led me to realize that I don't need him in my life. I want him in my life. And that knowledge will make me a better wife. I think I may have gotten through, just a little bit last night. He told me he wasn't going to sleep that night, because he would be thinking. He said that he's tried telling me what he wants and I don't believe him. I told him that I believe he was unhappy, but everything can change and be better than it was. I also told him that we still loved each other and it doesn't make sense to get divorced when we do still love each other and all of our problems can be worked out.

I haven't heard from him today, but I didn't expect to. The fog has probably drifted back over all my words. That's OK.

He called me last night to see how the lawyer's meeting went. I told him I didn't really find anything out that I didn't already know. He had a terrible day at work yesterday, so I don't know why he bothered to call me, because he had the attitude again. But we talked and I foolishly tried to reason with him (mistake, I know). Just as suspected, the fog was back and nothing I said to him the night before got through. Sigh...

He had a bad day -- so he called to take it out on you.

Trying to "reason" with him or educate him is a LoveBuster.
You should be avoiding those.

Plan A stph!

Your response was perfect on the lawyer. Now do NOT bring it up again. If he does, tell him you're not interested in talking about divorce. Get off the phone if you have to.
Let him do his own dirty work.

Stop trying to think that something you SAY is going to make some difference. You can't convince him of ANYTHING right now, its a complete waste of your breathe and time.

Just keep SHOWING him the new you. Be confident, happy, attractive -- someone he will want to be with.

I know I shouldn't have tried to reason with him, especially when he was in the mood he was in. It just gets hard to talk to him, when he talks to adamently about a divorce that I don't want. But it was late when he called me, I was tired, physically, emotionally and mentally and couldn't stop myself. I'm just not going to answer the phone next time. I'll let him leave me a message with what he wants and call him back when I'm ready. I'm kicking myself for answering last night. I knew what he was calling about. Live and learn, I guess.

He said he knows I don't want it, so he's going to wait his 6 month separation time and file himself.

I'm going to try REALLY hard not to talk to him about divorce.

BigK grounded me from talking to him about it for a week over in TKO!

So?

Stph -- you haven't updated your thread in a week....lost interest?