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Stef - Try this one. Sucks when they change the IP address of the server. LOL http://202.125.166.74/ramgen/ccc/27030510am.rm
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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OK, that one worked...
WOW, was that powerful! Thanks for sending it.
I can see how it gave you hope...I got the message.
What was your timeline, BTW? It wasn't very long was it?
BS (me)-26 WH-27 Dday-August 2006 0 kids Married 4 years NC established 1-26-07 status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Pretty short.
The EA built up for a year then they declared feelings of love for each other. The PA then went on for 3 months before I discovered the affair. My wife moved out a couple of days after d-day for family reasons - within a few days she knew she had to come home. She was gone only 2 weeks.
I prayed like never before. Believed God. She was driving home from work 2 days after she left me. Felt great conviction and was in tears all the way home. Could barely drive. Knew what she had to do but didn't want to do it.
I guess it was Prayer, Exposure and the reactions of our kids that spoke to her louder than anything else.
So yes it was a short time she was away.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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Oh and D-Day was last Sunday in August 2005.
When she came home she was mean and nasty, not at all repentant.
She went through a nasty withdrawal. The first week OM contacted her a few times but since then nothing until a few months ago. (She ran from him and phoned me straight away)
She was in withdrawal for 8 weeks I guess. I found MB about 6 weeks into withdrawal? Or whenever my MB registration says LOL. - ah - end October 2005. We were going insane until we both understood what withdrawal was.
We purch all the Harley books and the home study Audio CD program. It is really good.
We found MC was totally useless. You'd think our Pastor would have helped but he had no idea how to help us.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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Your registration date is my anniversary...how ironic is that?
I still don't understand if she knew she needed to come home, why was she mean? Because of the withdrawal I'm assuming? Did she ever mention divorce?
8 weeks seems like a long time to be in withdrawal. Did she work on herself or the M at all during that time?
WH doesn't believe in counseling, and my pastor didn't really help me all that much, so if he wants to work things out, I think it's going to be up to us and MB.
At that point I'd like to throw him to you, LOL!
BS (me)-26 WH-27 Dday-August 2006 0 kids Married 4 years NC established 1-26-07 status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Withdrawal is nasty Stef. She came home because she felt she had to but she didn't want to be there. She said she almost went back to OM a few times in that first week home. 8 weeks withdrawal is within the range of typical.
Until withdrawal finishes, there is no desire to work on marriage. Your situation is maybe different because WH doesn't hate you like my wife hated me.
But once NC is established he will go through withdrawal at that time. Lots of SF will help him at that point!
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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Never mentioned the Divorce word - that was assumed.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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Oh, WH hated me when he first moved out! He is over it now, I think. But he hasn't moved back in yet, so we'll see what I have to look forward to, possibly. I think he was angry because he was (is) confused about what he wants. And guilty about what he was doing, even though he told me otherwise. He took everything out on me. Everything but the A, was my fault.
He made one comment on our date the other night that was the first clue that he was feeling guilty. Finally! I told him that I don't blame myself for his A, that was on him, 100% his doing, his choice. He said, "yeah, I know, thank you" (sarcastically).
He also said about a week or so ago that he doesn't know why I'm trying so hard to please him when he was the one cheating on me. I tend to agree!
Was divorce assumed by you or her, BigK? Or both?
It was more assumed by him than me. I never wanted the divorce, even before I found MB. I always thought there were ways to work it out.
BS (me)-26 WH-27 Dday-August 2006 0 kids Married 4 years NC established 1-26-07 status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Assumed by my wife, not me. I always wanted to recover even pre-MB. MB just gave us the tools we needed to get there.
He will be mad when he comes back and establishes NC with his affair partner. He has no reason to be mad now - he was when he first moved out because he was withdrawing from you and the other reasons you mentioned.
I went to war agains my wife's affair. I knew it was a spiritual battle for her soul and I was up for it. I knew I could stare that demon down.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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So I'm going to have to go through that anger from him all over again? Ugh. That was rough and I didn't even live with him!
You are a very strong person with very strong convictions. I hope I'm up for it the way you were, if I ever get the chance.
And judging from the date the other night, I can see how he's slowly turning back towards me. I think he's just afraid to admit to his feelings right now, still. It must have REALLY thrown him for a loop when he realized I still wanted to work on our M and I've never backed down from that.
I think it may have hurt his feelings too, when I told him I would have to think about him moving back in last week. He mentioned that I had said that on the date. But I'm not sure how he meant it. But I'm not going to worry about it!
But it is Tuesday night and I haven't talked to him since Sunday night (well, Monday morning, but that didn't really count). I'm not complaining about it, but I know at some point this week if I don't hear from him (especially on Thursday) I'm going to panic. I do that as if I'm never going to speak to him again, which is stupid, I know.
BS (me)-26 WH-27 Dday-August 2006 0 kids Married 4 years NC established 1-26-07 status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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I got our cell bill the other day and I was just looking through it. There's another cell # on WH's bill several times. I just called it and got a VM of another woman. I have no idea who she is.
I don't know what to make of this, or what to do about it...Please Help with this.
BS (me)-26 WH-27 Dday-August 2006 0 kids Married 4 years NC established 1-26-07 status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Leave a message and see if she calls you back Stef. Tell her you are married to him.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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Shouldn't I ask WH about her first?
I'm totally freaking out now. I'm so upset I'm shaking...I don't know what to do...why does this have to happen again?
I really want to call WH...
BS (me)-26 WH-27 Dday-August 2006 0 kids Married 4 years NC established 1-26-07 status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Don't freak out. It's a toss up here. Ask WH or ring her. Be calm and breathe.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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I'm trying to breathe...
I'm going to call WH now. I just don't know what to say. If I'm right and she's another OW, I'm done with the M. But if I'm wrong, I'm going to look like an idiot. Neither of these things I want to happen.
How should I confront/ask WH about her?
BS (me)-26 WH-27 Dday-August 2006 0 kids Married 4 years NC established 1-26-07 status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Just ask calmly - I would ring the OW myself if I was you....
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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OK, I called WH and asked him who *name* was. He had no idea. He said he needed a last name. I told him I didn't know her last name, but he didn't know anybody named *name*? He said no. I said, OK, do you know this phone #? He asked why. I just asked him again who it was. He said I wouldn't be asking if something didn't happen, so what happened? I said nothing happened, we just got our cell bill and the # is on the bill several times and he spent 60 minutes talking to her. He said that the # "must be" the OW's mom's #. I did lie though, it's not on our bill. I have to go online to get the call list for his #.
He explained that when I told OW's BF about the A, BF turned her phone off, took it away from her and changed the # and now OW is using her mom's cell. He said he still talks to her. Like it's no big deal!! What a guy.
But I was proud of myself. I stayed in Plan A, I didn't LB or DJ at all!!! Go me!
It still sucks that he's still talking to her, although I'm not surprised, but at least it's not another OW!
Thanks for sticking with me BigK, I'm feeling calmer now.
BS (me)-26 WH-27 Dday-August 2006 0 kids Married 4 years NC established 1-26-07 status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Hi Steph,
I am probably too late. The boys were doing homework on the computer so I just got on here.
I suppose you have already called. If not then I would recommend sleeping on it. I always made the wrong decisions when I reacted without mulling things over in my mind first.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Beth
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Hi Beth,
Thanks for posting here.
Sorry to say you are too late.
I called WH. We actually had a pretty decent conversation after he explained what was going on. I had a rotten day and told him all about it (like I was married to him or something,lol). He listened and defended me when I blamed myself for part of my bad day.
I think he's coming around, but I know it's not going to happen if he's still talking to OW!
And I do believe it's more of an EA right now. I really don't think he's sleeping with her, just because of comments he's made to me, that he didn't have to make.
I'm sure BigK will think I'm being naive, but that's OK. Whether I'm right or not will come out soon enough.
BS (me)-26 WH-27 Dday-August 2006 0 kids Married 4 years NC established 1-26-07 status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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I do think it's unlikely he isn't sleeping with her Stef, you know that but you are right - it doesn't really make that much difference at this point.
Is SF a high EN for him Stef? How often would you normally have sex when your marriage was good? (you don't have to answer that). He may still be having sex at this frequency now with OM if it is a high need. That's what I am getting at.
Stef - you are doing a good plan A. I am sure it will bear dividends.
Also have you checked in with OW'sBF yet? Has she moved out? Are they going to reconcile? Have you spoken to OW's mother to tell her you want your marriage and are fighting for your husband and can she keep her daughter away from a married man. etc.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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