Honestly, SF never was THAT high of a need for him. That's why I don't think he's sleeping with her. And like I said, he's said things about it that he didn't have to say.

The only (well, not the only, but the main) thing that really kills me now is thinking when they talk to each other, him telling her that he loves her and her saying it back. He should be saying it to his WIFE (that would be me!) and I can't believe her audacity to say that to someone else's husband when she should be saying it to the father of her CHILD. UGH!!

I have most of the day off tomorrow, so that will give me time to call OW's BF. It's on my to-do list!

I actually told OW's mother about the A before I was able to find the BF. She's no help because she cheats on her H all the time. Which is where OW's lack of morals came from.

Hi Steph,

Sorry I was too late. Between the time difference and the fact that I peck the keys one at a time I end up 10 posts behind all the time. My youngest son has seen me struggling and has offered to help, he does it very kindly!

Well it sounds like you did the right thing anyway by calling and that it went pretty well for you. I am so relieved it was not another woman.

Listen to BigK he seems to have the experience and knowledge to help you. Plus of course I think we all want to take tuck you under our wing.

Beth

Thank you for your support Beth. I still appreciate the advice.

I think I'm like most people here stuggling with this...some days are better than others. Some minutes are better than others, such as the case last night, lol.

I, too, am very relieved it wasn't another OW. I didn't think it could be, but OTOH, my WH is not my H right now and I don't know him anymore. The aliens have taken over! And while he's starting to slowly turn back to me, they haven't quite let him go yet!

I was a little happy to hear, that even though the exposure alone didn't break the A up (yet), it did get OW's cell phone priviledges taken away!

I'm going to call OW's BF this afternoon and find out what's going on over in the enemy camp.

Hi Steph.

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and wondering if you have called the BF and how it went ?

I know what you mean about aliens. I feel as if I went to sleep one night and woke up beside a stranger. I guess the transformation wasn't that fast though.

Let us know how it turns out.

Beth

Thanks for reminding me...I totally forgot about calling the BF!

I called him and talked to him for about 20 minutes. He said she has not moved out and as far as he knows, she is not talking to WH and they are working on their relationship. He threatened her that if she didn't quit talking to WH, he was kicking her out. He did change her # and supposedly WH doesn't have the #. But WH told me last night that he still talks to her. I guess she's sneaking phone calls with her mom's cell, which I also told BF about. We mainly compared cell records and times and asked about weird #'s. He's supposed to call me again when he gets his cell record.

He said that she is supposed to be changing jobs next month...can't wait for that!

Overall, the talk went pretty well. I am relieved that she hasn't moved out yet and is supposed to be working on her own relationship. And it can only get better when they aren't working together anymore.

Right Stef - This is indeed good news. Keep in touch with BF and WORK TOGETHER to keep those crazy kids apart. One of them getting another job is a pre-requisite for recovery if they work together. This is all good. Did you POSITIVELY identify that other cell number? DO NOT assume anything Stef. Make sure that number is not an OW. Verify with OW's M!!!

Do not take anything at face value. Proove everything to be true.

Oh God what did I do??????

WH just called me. The BF just called OW at work and yelled at her for still talking to WH. Apparently she's on her way home now to move out.

I got yelled at because I won't go file for D and he said he's never coming home and at the end of the conversation he said he's going to make me get a court order to get $$ from him for bills. Then he hung up on me.

He said that he's made several mistakes over the past couple of weeks and he's sorry for them. I asked him what and he said by coming over. He said he's more emotionally attached to me than he thought and I guess that makes him mad.

He's so mad at me for calling. He wasn't this mad the first time I called him. I told him he might as well not ask me why I called and why I'm doing what I'm doing because he's not going to understand unless he's cheated on.

I tried my best to stay calm while talking to him, but I did raise my voice some, but I don't think I LB'd and only when I was trying to get him to listen. He kept asking why I wouldn't file for D and I kept telling him that I wasn't going to go file for something I didn't want.

We both agreed we were fine without each other, but I told him that I wanted him and he wouldn't tell me that. He said that when he's with her, he doesn't think about me. He said when he's alone he thinks about me. I did ask him when was he going to admit that he was still in love with me and maybe he doesn't want this D? He said he still loves me, but doesn't want the M.

I'm so scared now and don't know what to do. When do I give up? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

He also said that the relationship with OW consists of seeing each other at work and occasionally he meets her when she goes shopping. He said that's it.

And BF told me they were working on the relationship, but WH told me that OW has distanced herself from BF, BF is too stupid to realize it.

So, we're back to WH hating me again...maybe I should have let sleeping dogs lie????

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You are not better off letting sleeping dogs lie.

This is all good Stef. Seriously. You are driving nails into the coffin that is the affair.

Calm down.

Ya want to explain to me how this is good????

I'm really not feeling it and I'm far from calm.

I'm shaking and crying all over again and really not seeing the good in any of this...

Good job, Steph!! You dealt a huge blow to the affair with your phone call to the BF again. Remember, the infidels will get angry when you interfere with their affair. Don't expect roses!

Keep your eye on the goalpost here. The goal is the SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE and bust up the affair, not to go to any length to keep your H from getting mad at you. Your marriage can survive some temporary anger from exposure, it can't survive a long affair.


And they are "just friends," right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for checking on me Mel. I miss your advice.

I know you're absolutely right and the entire time he was yelling at me, I was thinking the same thing you told me, but it still hurt me, even though I knew where it was coming from.

I let my emotions take over again, and I still don't think I did the right thing by calling, but I believe that I did and I'm glad that I did, if that makes sense.

I'll admit I did start to lose sight of the goal. I wanted to take it all back to avoid WH being mad at me again. I know he'll get over it, I just don't want to deal with the anger again.

WH did call me about an hour later and left me a VM (I didn't want to talk to him) saying that he wasn't going to send me to court "yet", he would continue to give me $$ for bills like we had planned. But "don't read anything into it". We're going to meet at neutral places so he can't stay with me at the house, blah, blah, blah.

BF called me again right after WH did to talk to me. He said it makes him feel better to talk to me and I agree...it makes me feel better too. He was actually able to calm me down, I guess since we are after the same thing. We've agreed to work together to bust them up. She didn't move out like WH told me she was, but they did have an argument about all of it again. WH is concerned for her and her son's safety...apparently BF is a drunk and not a very nice one. He sounds like a really nice guy to me...whatever. He's trying to save his relationship just like I am.

He told me that OW told him that she and WH are "just friends" and WH only told me he was cheating on me so I would divorce him. No wonder he wasn't prepared for me to want to save the M! Not that I believe her. BF is in denial of the relationship b/t her and WH though. He wants cold, hard facts and there aren't any besides cell records and the card. He does acknowledge it as an EA.

He said they've been together for 12 years and he loves her to death, but if he finds out that she and WH are still talking and WH has the new cell #, she's gone.

I'm a little less emotional now than I was, but still hurt and confused.

I thought it was better before not to stir the pot, since WH was slowly coming back to me, or so I thought.

But he's never coming home and doesn't understand why I won't go file for D.

He doesn't understand why I'm not going to go out and get something I don't want.

Right now, I don't want to talk to him or see him for a really long time.

But you don't know any such thing. If he wanted a divorce, he would file for it. As far as stirring the pot, you are supposed to stir the pot in the AFFAIR. That is your job.

I was being sarcastic when I wrote that. I just forgot my rolling eyes! I don't know that, it's just something he's saying.

He's waiting his 5 months out before he files...if he does. I'm not holding my breath. Something else he's saying that I'm not listening to.

What a lovely anniversary I'm going to have tomorrow! I think it's safe to say we won't be spending it together.

ahhh, I missed the sarcasm! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Sorry about your anniversary tomorrow, hon. I will check in on ya. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mel.

I'm not looking forward to waking up tomorrow and functioning. I think it's going to be really rough.

But I'll be here!

I have a question...I've been sitting here thinking and I'm wondering if I should introduce OW's BF to MB??

He seems to have more control over her than I have over WH and maybe he can get her to send an NC letter to WH, etc. Plus, it will give him the tools to save his relationship the right way.

What do you all think?

I don't think that is a good idea Stef. Him coming to your safe haven could cause you problems.

Just my 2c

OK, I won't tell him about then.

How do you think it would cause problems? Just curious.

Well the last thing you need is a WS coming here seeing what your plans are and what you are doing - it's a disaster for an active WS to do that. - a disaster for their BS that is.