I concur!

Thanks guys. I've been thinking along the same lines of what you're saying, so I think I should be good.

I just need to get myself out of my own rut of expecting anything from him.

Sometimes I see he's trying and that gives me too much hope. Again, that's my own problem that I need to work out. I just need something to shield me from it (hurt) until OW leaves.

I'm sick and tired of this limbo stage. WH knows it and understands completely, but he's not ready to commit to anything, naturally.

OK, I will continue in Plan A with some 180's thrown in for good measure (making it all about me), while continuing to let WH know that I'm still committed to the M. I won't completely do a 180 I guess is what I'm saying.

Sound good?

OK, I talked to WH last night. He said he came back home because he thought it was the "right thing to do", but he's not sure how this is all going to work out. He said if he was unhappy enough to cheat on me, he doesn't know how he's going to be happy again. That makes no sense, I know.

And he was told that I probably didn't even want the marriage, I was just too scared to be alone (!!!!!!!!!!!!). That is further from the truth than anything I have ever heard. I was FINE when he moved out. I only needed him financially, but if I moved out of our house, I wouldn't even need him for that. That statement pi$$ed me off but good!

Anyway, by the end of the night, he said he was committed to the marriage, he could see himself happy with me again at some point and that he would try.

Is this normal? NC should finally happen at the end of January. And all thoughts of doing a 180 are gone at this point. It's back to strictly Plan A.

I just want to make sure he's still a little foggy. I saw a lot of glimpses of H this weekend, except for last night. I'm hoping he will snap out of it after NC and withdrawal.

He still insisted that there was nothing going on between him and OW. He said that he was with me, and he knows that he can't talk to her or have anything to do with her, so he doesn't. I understand that the A is still going on by them working together, but all of the snooping I've done tells me that he's telling the truth.

I told him yesterday morning that as soon as he found out she was gone I wanted him to come home and tell me and we were going to go and buy him a new cell phone and get him a new #. I knew he was going to try to argue with me so I told him there was no argument about it, that's what was going to happen. I needed it to happen. He didn't argue at all. I saw that as an improvement. He's also been trying to meet more of my EN's lately. I told him last night that I've noticed and I thanked him for it.

I hope to God this is normal....

Advice please!

What advice do you need?

It seems to me that you've got this pretty well under control. Way to step up and clearly define your boundaries about the cell phone thing. It seems like things are headed in the right direction. Don't do much relationship talk, just try and have a lot of fun with him like you started dating all over again. If he's been tested for STDs, spice up the SF department a little, do some things different (positions, techniques, etc.), and this is a kicker, tell him how good the SF was. Nothing fills up a H's love bank for admiration like being told he is good in bed. I'm not saying fake anything, but really try and get into it and play it up a little bit. It is a real ego boost for a man, if we think that we can drive our wife CRAZY. That was a real killer for me back in the day when me and my WW were still having SF on occasion. My WW would just lay there and let me know that she wasn't into it. That would piss me off to no end, and I would start unleashing LBs (I would tell her how many Os I used to give my XGF) which just made the situation and sex life even worse.

Do the two of you have a joint cell phone plan?
I guess I would simply switch phones. That way YOU will be getting any incoming calls or texts from OW.

And do you have a plan for a no-contact-ever letter to finalize the end of the affair, when OW leaves the job?
One that he writes, and you approve and send?

Thanks Jim. We kind of discussed the possiblity of "dating" again. I don't know how it would work, but we can always try. We're already getting along better, so that's good.

I guess I wanted to be sure that what he was telling me is "normal" at this stage (whatever that means!). I'm not too upset, it just drives me crazy to be at this point.

And everything is fine in the SF dept. as far as he is concerned. I've always needed more than him to tell the truth! I'll try to spice it up though. I could use it!

Lexxxy- we do have a joint cell phone plan, but I want his phone out of here. Believe it or not, it's a trigger for me. It makes me ill to look at it. And I don't want to do any of the changes until she's gone...he could easily give her the new # while she's still there and I don't want the new phone associated with this time of our lives whatsoever.

I just thought of the NC letter this morning. I doubt I can get him to write one. OTOH, he did want to know what he could do to work on things last night (the fact that he asked also pissed me off...I've been telling him!). I'll mention it to him. It may be that I'm the one who has to write it, but he may sign it and I'll send it. I have a feeling I'm going to have to do a LOT of legwork here.

And, yes he did make me mad with our conversation, but I did NOT let him know and I did NOT LB in any way. I know better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm sure things are fine on his end with the SF, but he could use some more admiration. Once you have shown him that you are more in to it, you should start initiating more. Guys hate always being the one to initiate. Something you could do is jump him when he walks in the door, tell him you are glad he's home now because you have been thinking about doing XYZ to him all day long. You may think that just having SF with him is enough but watch how much you fill up his LB for admiration when you employ these tactics. Stroke his ego.

You crack me up Jim! LMAO.

The thing is, I initiate ALL THE TIME. I used to anyway. It got old, believe me. And WH felt he was initiating a lot, so neither of us were really happy. But I'll put forth my best effort. I know he's wildly attracted to me, but he doesn't really know how to show it or how to react when I do initiate.

And trust me, I admire his "attributes" all the time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by jmwc95

And I thought I wasn't getting enough!

In the beginning of our relationship, SF was all the time. We couldn't keep our hands off each other.

We're down to once a week and it sucks. So, I'm in your boat and I understand your frustration. The thing, WH is just as unsatfisfied as I am. But he won't do anything about it. UGH.

NP on the t/j. I don't mind! Vent away.

Post deleted by jmwc95

Once a week was before WH's A too. Luckily, I only had a dry spell for about a month while WH didn't live here. I'm soooo sorry for your dry spell...That really sucks!

Hmm and I thought you were banned for longer than that!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

OOPS!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Rough estimate, BigK??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

do you really think it is appropriate to be discussing this between a BH and a BW???? I don't see that discussing the frequency of sex prior to or after an affair is really something that should be done between genders on an infidelity website.
Heck, the other day we had a newbie telling one of the women in trouble here that she is sexy... went by without so much as a protest.
Dangerous territory.

Very appropriate thing to be saying to a married woman! You are not here to flirt.

Post deleted by jmwc95

thanks... and sorry, I am just very sensitive about this type of stuff... although it is a public forum... that type of banter is what leads to many inappropriate relationships. Thanks again.

Jim-

I'm not sure I understand why you deleted your post...

I did it to placate certain posters.

Gotcha--

I didn't think we were "flirting".