Geez Alphin..
I was thinking last night what an [censored] your XH is for leaving a woman when she needs him most now she's ill.
That alone makes me want to come over and kick his can.

And honey.. if you had had a job, he'd have used THAT as an excuse...
Saying you never had time for him, and were only thinking of your career, or whatever.
That's just the way these fogged out people think to make excuses for their own sordid behavior.

Give it some time.
You'll feel better and stronger emotionally the longer you are away from his warped thinking.

((((Alphin))))

(Hi Bob, good to CU drop in from time to time ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

Alphin, you know they'll make whatever excuses necessary to justify the A. To them these are "valid reasons" but I've seen these reasons swing from one spectrum to the other.

In yr case, he said he wanted kids and then didn't want kids anymore. For mine, he agreed that we not have kids and now claim to want to have them, even though I have been touching base with him abt our needs. So... can you see the Dishonesty?? Lies that they tell themselves and us to make themselves look good.

So don't take too much of what he says at heart. Can you start something special for yrself? Even a small novelette or something <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Even if no one reads or publish it.. maybe post it up on an online blog. Make something for yourself?

And a holiday in Germany. How exciting!! You know, if I can afford to come to the UK or Europe again, I'm gonna call on you! LOL

~A

Yes, I need to reclaim my writing. Apart from what he said about me as a mother, the things he said about me wasting my degree by being a SAHM hurt me more than anything else.

Writers have enough excuses not to write - I had plenty before WXH even left - the main one bring that I was a SAHM. But that's all they - excuses. Not real reasons! WXH having a go and hurting me isn't an excuse for not writing either. In fact, I should write just to show him! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, though, J K Rowling is a wonderful example to any aspiring writer - on welfare, writing longhand in a cafe with a baby beside her in a pram.

I'm starting tomorrow!

Alph.

Alphin - WH saying I had "no ambition" cut me like a knife so I know how you feel.

Saying you wasted your degree was another way of saying, 'it would have been nice to have had a bit more money to spend on OW'. They really all spew the same old garbage in the midst of their transgressions.

Just think, if Omelette has a baby, she won't be able to afford to give up work because of the financial mess he made. Stormy weather lies ahead for those two. I am SURE.

“I'm starting tomorrow!”

Good for you. I started yesterday. I win!

Wait, I forgot what I was doing already.

Seriously Alphin, you should move out on your personal Plan A. Slow and steady.

I have been working towards a list of goals I set for myself while I was in Plan B two years ago. And wonder of wonders, some of them are just now starting to bear fruit! And it feels wonderful to have a long list still to complete!

Tell you what. Send us a chapter at a time of your book and we will hold your nose to the grindstone.

And move. Go to where you feel better. You deserve it.

And love those girls of yours.

I have to go. Work calls. Keep in touch, OK.

With prayers,

PS: I heard all that no ambition and no successes stuff too. You know where that comes from don’t you? The best WS defense is a good offense. The three D’s: Deflect, Deny, Dissemble. It hurt very much for a long time. Now, I mainly feel pity for all who act WS.

Alphin,

if it makes you feel any better..
My X actually tried to "gaslight" me.
You know the movie?
Where the H tries to convince the W that she is crazy?

Well my X tried to get me into the role of "poor old (43) depressed slightly demented" W.
That suited him just fine, because it gave him an excuse to look for sex elsewhere and justify it.

One of his favorites was being all over me if I forgot to turn off the cooker.
You see when the sun was shining and the cooker would be on a very small flame, you couldn't see the flame until it got a little darker in the kitchen.
One day he forgot to turn it off himself and when he realised how he had been putting me down all the time, he had a (brief) light bulb moment.
Soon to be covered in fog, sadly.

Write something!!! The Harry Potter Lady, Rowlin (spelling?) was on welfare a few years ago. Needless to say nobody's laughing at her now!

OK, I'll write something! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I know this thread makes me sound really down on myself, but I'm really not. I am recovering from my latest Crohn's episode. I am no longer on ADs (came off them soon after divorce was final) so I guess I am feeling a little sadder for the lack of them but my emotions are no longer up and down like they where after D-day.

I need to move forwards towards acceptance. I have no control over WXH and OW or their relationship, and I have to accept the fact they are together. I am getting there, truly.

I heard today that Omelette told the girls they are no longer to refer to her as 'Dad's girlfriend' but as their 'stepmother'. Excuse me? Are WXH and Omelette married yet? No! Am I dead? Not quite!

Then, on the other hand - she is their dad's partner. The four of them have vacationed together. They eat together twice a week.

Getting angry about it doesn't help me, refusing to accept what I can't change only makes me unhappy. I think that the Omelette is becoming almost obsessive in her desire to validate her skanky relationship, even to the extent of telling the girls how to think of her! But her insecurities and desperation aren't my problem.

Just wish I could stop thinking about her...

Alph.

I'd nip this in the bud

for your ~girls~ sake

and for no other reason

tell the girls Omelette will be their stepmother if and when they are married

advise them that calling OW stepmother is not the truth ... and to "save that title" until it is the truth

you can do this gently, as you should

tell girls you respect the term "stepmother" too much to use it while it is still "just pretending" ... and not true

demonstrate to them

hold up a banana and say ~~~>"Let's call this thing a muffin, because it just might be a banana muffin one day"

"isn't that silly to call something by the wrong name?"

Pep

They know that OW won't be their stepmother unless she marries their dad.

DD13 was talking to her friend at school the other day (I heard this from the other girl's mother - DD13 doesn't like to mention OW in front of me). She was telling her friend how the OW is very controlling, how she is acting more and more like a 'parent' rather than the 'friend' she used to be.

I think that marriage is very close. Omelette has got everything she wanted - an easily dominated man, a ready made family, and acceptance from everyone who matters.

Alph.

I love your daughter !

It will not be "fun" to step-parent teenagers with brains, who ~start off with~ with a negative level of respect for the person(s) responsible for breaking up their home

"fantasy-land" ... not for long

Pep

Alphin, I'm really surprised the girls don't call her by her name - "Omeletta".

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.