Orchid,

I've been trying not to speak to him at all -- or even acknowledge him. My attempt at Plan B while he's still there.

I love all your lines and your reverse babble, I would love to be using that on him right now (especially the smell funny one ... that's hilarious!), but feel like it would be breaking my own request for no contact ... like he had pushed my buttons enough to get a reaction ... even if it's a very witty reverse-babble reaction. What do you think?

-AmI.

AmI,

If you can hold on and gather some info, you can feel better about your decision. I'm so glad that you're talking to Steve Harley tomorrow. He's seen a lot and he'll probably have some insight about a strategy.

I do agree with MEDC, that it would be tough to keep putting up with this treatment. Your self control is amazing. I would not be able to keep my big mouth shut and I'd end up making the whole situation explode. That won't do anyone any good at all.

What do the kids think of all this craziness?

I wish you could reason with him about trying to be civil to each other until you find new living arrangements. I wonder if you approach it that way -- that you feel he's made it clear that he's made the choice to end the marriage and you are accepting that choice -- no more fall back for him. Maybe if he feels like you won't be his safety net that he can count on (and treat like sh*t) that he will get shaken up a bit. It may really be a good idea to slap him with D papers as fast as you can, whether or not you have any inention of trying to reconcile.

I'm just glad that you're getting some advice tomorrow. A lot of WS's on this site act like the biggest jerks in the world, but your H is winning the competition hands down.

Pep -- I love all your posts, they absolutely crack me up and help bring some sanity to the insanity. Thank you!! My kids are surprisingly disinterested in technical things .... mostly because we have pretty strict controls on the computer. So they don't e-mail or IM much. DS has a cell phone now, and I can always keep in touch with him on that. He likes to call me with it becasue it's a novelty to have one of his own.

LM -- Thanks. I don't know what happened. He wasn't always such a scumbag. He used to be a really, really great guy. All kinds of integrity and honor and loyalty .... it makes me sad to see what the aliens have done to him.

Noodle -- Can't tell you how much I appreciated your post. You were exactly right. He's played his trump card, and painted himself into a corner by doing so. Now he's throwing his tantrum in that corner, but he doesn't have that power anymore.

GrownUp -- Thanks so much for your continued input. I feel very cared for and looked after when I read the worry in your posts, and it feels comforting and secure. I have an appointment tomorrow with SH, and on Thursday with the lawyer, so hopefully that will help with some strategy. Some of the day-to-day things are driving me nuts! I do think WH is being an ultimate jerk, but I don't think he'll crack under the pressure to the point of physically harming me or the kids. He might take off and disappear with them, but even that couldn't be for long. He's very tied to this area, and he has to be careful to not give bio-mom an opening to come in and take the kids.


I really, really appreciate all of your input!! This is such a frustrating process!!

-AmI.

Hi, GrownUp.

I was posting at the same time as you were ... yeah, putting up with this sitch is getting really old really fast.

We were kind of trying the "getting along" thing for a while after he first said that he didn't love me and was leaving. But then he started totaly flaunting the affair right back in front of my face, and I just couldn't stand by and pretend that it was ok.

You might be right about hitting him with D papers very soon. This is crazy to continue living like this.

-AmI.

Good Morning! You are sounding wonderful despite the sitch. Thank you for considering me your friend also. It means a great deal to me. as far as you not keeping up with my thread, honey, I don't mind in the least. LOL Besides, I know where to find you if I need you!

Oh, I'll post more later!

MEDC --

Thanks, I didn't think it would work, but I was hoping. I kind of had the thought of just threatening the RO to keep him out of my room, but can't make the threat if I can't back it up.

On your questions:
I work, and make about as much as he does.
We do have a mortgage. Bought the house just over a year ago, so there is not much equity in it at all.
We have great financing, though, and some other things that make the payment much lower -- the equivalent to an entry-level kind of house.
He could not afford the mortgage on his own, particularly the way that he spends money, and with the expenses of the two kids.
I could make the mortgage on my own, I can get some separate income from an inheritance that he can't touch.

I don't want to sell the house to end up with something worse for the same payment. It doesn't seem like a good financial move for me, I'd rather keep it for the financial reasons. He can't afford to keep it, so it makes more sense for me to.

I'll ask the attorney if I'm protected if I move out. If I do, and Plan B him, then what would I do about the kids? Have them come stay with me at wherever I am (probably my mom's or the friend that I moved in with)? Or just make him find care arrangements for them ... ?

-AmI.

I don't want you to have to leave your house.
As far as when you would see the kids... I guess that would be up to the jerk. But right now, I have a thought that he really needs a wake up call of some sort.
See how your appointents go later this week and go from there.
I wouldn't make him find arrangements for them though. I would see them every chance you get.
Stay strong.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> That-a-girl!

this:



phoning OW to tell her not to show up

anyone wanna bet?

LOL

Pep

LOL!! Thanks, Pep! I will have to grin at that thought for a while.

He's pulled some dumb stunts recently, but I'd have ***PAID*** to have seen him try to have OW come to the awards ceremony last night. Paid a LOT!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Would have caused a riot ...

Between his whole family being there and the rest of the verrrrry conservative and old-fashioned church, we'd have had a nice old-western-style double hanging on our hands.

Or at least have them both branded with big "A"'s on their foreheads.....

Ya know, one minute I feel strong and solid and know my plan ....

And the next minute I'm in tears ... where is my real H?? He was such an incredible guy .... how can this evil wicked alien just walk in and take him and totally tear my life apart like this?

Right now is one of those bad minutes. I'm very, very sad about all of this. I hate "plotting" against the man that I swore to honor and love and cherish for the rest of my life.

He really was such a great guy once. He was a wonderful husband, dad, son, brother .... everything else. And now ......

What happens to them to make them do these things? I really don't get it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

-AmI.

{{{{{{AMIOK}}}}}} Hang in there.

(((((AmI))))

We're all still here...standing by your side...you can hold my hand anytime...you can do this...you are doing this...you're just looking out for your family and their best interest...Keep your head up, sweetie...soon enough...soon enough!

it's like being on a drug ... full-tilt TAKER-IN -CHARGE and full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes

temporary insanity

Pep

((((AmIOK)))))

Am I OK?//~~~> NO!~~~>URGR8! (you are great)

...and you don't deserve this pain.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you all. I really appreciate the suport, you all are getting me through some really ugly times here.

I know everyone here understands, has been through it .... It's heartbreaking ....

It makes me so, so sad .... not just losing my husband, who I loved and admired and respected and trusted so much ... but maybe my kids, too, who I'd give up anything for ... and all our traditions and dreams and plans .... everything that we put into building this family .... all our years of history ....

It's sick and cruel that anyone can so casually toss that all away like he is.

-AmI.

You will not lose the kids... you may eventually lose the day to day stuff... but you have been there long enough for those kids to know they love you and you them! You will never lose them and they will always call you mom no matter what their birth certificates say!

I was wondering how long had WH been with bio-mom? I was wondering if there's a pattern to be more specific.

MEDC is right to matter what happens they we always consider you mom. If my D and SM got D, I would continue to visit her and I've always said that. I've known her since I was five. We colored together the first time we met...she was 16. You would think that we would be more like sisters but she my mom, treated me better than my real mom. I love her to death.

I hope that gives you some hope!

Hi, Rin ... WH was with bio mom for 3 years. They were both very young -- 17 and 19 when DS came along, and they married because of him. Then things ended immediately after DD.

The odd thing is that SHE is the one who was cheating and walked out on him.

She wasn't interested in the kids and gave them up to us (Well, to WH, but I was always the main caregiver -- the kids lived with me before WH did) shortly after I came along so that she could move away with her new BF at the time. She already had another child and another divorce under her belt by then.

He knows how much pain this caused him, so I don't know how he could turn around and do it to me......

So, I still haven't heard anything from WH's work. I have repeatedly heard the phrase "not the moral police" several times, though, through the grapevine as coming from that office.

The top of the chain is up for re-election in November. He has a lot of vocal oponents, who would LOVE to know that the big gun doesn't want to face moral issues among the troops. And the newspaper is very interestd right now in WH's special crew -- how they are performing and if they are worth the money.

That gives me quite a bit more exposure power if his department doesn't respond to me ...

I can't decide if those options would just be vindictive or are real possibilities.

Right now, I'm full of bitterness and anger at him, so it sounds REALLLLY good to have a reason to take this to the press .... but I can't imagine any scenario where that would be good for my chances with the kids.

Any thoughts? If a top law enforcement officer in your town was up for re-election, would you want to know that he does not want to be "the moral police" for his employees, and doesn't care what they do off-duty?

-AmI. (thinking I sound bitter just for writing that .... )

You know I asked the same thing...how could he do this to me...but that's when LA explained that it's not about me...It's about him...same with your's...it's not us...it's something within them...it's the whole fantasy...OW cooks for me you don't, OW does this for me you don't...I was doing those things...H just didn't want to see it at the time...

Sure he knows the pain he was caused...H told me after I asked if he thought about the consequences...he said yeah he did but he did it anyway...what's that...logical thinking...I don't think so...

I could DJ and say well maybe he thought but it's useless and a waste of energy.

Well, the kids and I are leaving in a little while to bring H something to eat...I just talked to him...he's working with two good friends...that makes me feel a little better...

Okay...I'll be back...