HF, I think you misunderstood my point.

Of course mom and dad change poopy diapers out of love. That is because they both (hopefully) wanted the child. So they know that changing diapers comes with the territory.

But I am talking about when one of the parents did NOT want the child, and only agreed to have the child under pressure. I believe that no one should agree to undertake such a huge burden unless they really want to.

HF, if you want to have a child with your GF, go for it. I said nothing to imply that you should not have another child. What I tried to say is that if you do NOT want another child, then you should not be pressured to have one. You seemed to me to be past wanting more kids, and I think it is a decision that every person has the right to make. So, I was supporting you. I am not sure why you felt that I was telling you not to have a child, I was simply telling you to be true to yourself and your boundaries.

AGG

High Flight,

My wonderful H of 30 years was 48 when we had our daughter ten years ago.

He jokes that she is the grandchild that we may never live to see--that we just skipped the middleman.

And in a way this is true. Many of our friends are young grandparents. They spend as much time, energy and resources on their grandchildren as we do on our daughter.

Again, maybe it's a terminology difference. I believe that boundaries, by definition, are immovable. They should not be flexed just because someone really REALLY wants you to flex them. That is why they are boundaries, as opposed to preferences or wants.

Now, if YOU decide that what was once a boundary is no longer a boundary, then go for it, like I said. All I was warning against is doing something that you don't want to do but someone else does want you to do - it is fundamentally non-POJA and, IMO, will come back to haunt you. And unlike a small thing like getting your head shaved because your spouse asked you to, a child is a gift that keeps on giving forever. If you want one - awesome, by all means, have one. If you don't - please don't.

AGG