|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104 |
hi all,
curious, how many of you achually filed for visitation and what did you have to do.
my h has been calling to check on oc. he isnt asking to see him anymore as ow told him hed have to go to court to see the baby. i told him to still call about baby as it will look good on his part.
we went to courthouse and talked to an advocate about how we needed to do it. i thought it was a matter of just filing for the right to see him, but she told us we needed to feel out a proposed parenting plan. to write in what he wants, then of coarse to have a copy served to ow.the parenting plan covers the whole 18 years. he is going to ask for joint custody. 4 days one week, 3 the next. not that ****** get it but he might as well ask for what he wants, go big and maybe ****** get more.
also found out that since its an open case right now because of the paternity and child support it wont cost anything to file. talk about god being there. wow was i surprised. so were hoping to get them done this weekend. just sent the financial records to da. my h nets about 1700 month and our bills are about 2000. i didnt list the ones that i felt the court wouldnt care about. im only working partime so i have a feeling h wont be paying a whole lot.
h talked to ow today she mentioned baby in daycare 5 days a week, so im guessing shes working, which like i said she makes 16 an hr, 5 more an h then h. she better be working otherwise that means baby in daycare cause she doesnt want to watch him everyday. if we get oc on days we asked for i wont work those days so baby wont need to be in dc . i would think the judge would see that as being better for baby, lets hope.
ow is planning on claiming my h tried to kidnap his other kids, thats why she doesnt want him seeing him. info came from h xw we found out. h so angry, i told him not to worry as i dont think a judge is going to listen to the xw. i knew she would get with ow and try what she could to continue messing with him. there is no charge on him cause he never did it so it wont be considered( i hope anyway). what to any of u think. ow had said that maybe if h called a couple times a week to see how oc is maybe shell let him see him in a couple weeks in a public place but not our son. she doesnt want our son around him cause my son didnt like her.
we plan on getting some charecter letters from people for the judge my dil will write one defending our son, as she says he is the most gentle, and would never harm a child he is so protective of his neices and nephews, even more so then there parents. it always makes her laugh , how protective he is.
if anyone has gone through this and can give some tips id appriciate. we are doing it on our own as we cannot affort an attorney.
ill be glad when this is done, i just want to see my baby before hes grown too much.
thanks all
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,430
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,430 |
I wish you luck, imtswife! Since we didn't go through the courts, I don't have any tips. I hope it goes smoothly for you.
J
m.19y
3 COM
OC visitation
Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. -Mother Teresa
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 741
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 741 |
We actually filed to establish paternity before Lil Bit was born.
OW was told she had to submit to the DNA testing after the baby was born, which took place 2 weeks after the birth, and then we moved into the custody phase.
H was granted Joint Physical Custody and there was not a “Parenting Plan” in place until 2+ years later when we filed for Primary Custody. The “Parenting Plan” in our situation states that OW is to have Lil Bit every other weekend, and 2 weeks in the summer. It also divides the holidays pretty evenly.
Right now, OW and her son (11 yr old) are under investigation for sexually molesting Lil Bit and that has put a stop on the visitation. But, we are awaiting information from the Department of Children’s Services about the investigation. We have been waiting for 2 and a half months now.
Back to your situation...
Has DNA been established? Has DNA been established? You mentioned that it was still and “open” case, so I am assuming that it has not been established.
Being prepared for the DNA test to come back positive is a good thing. Make sure that you have all your research done. I suggest checking out your state/county’s website for any information about their “standardized” visitation. I checked out our county’s site and found a basic layout and tweaked it for our situation and when we submitted it to the Court, it was received very well. The Judge looked it over and said “Looks very standard to me. Why do you have a problem with it?” (OW was arguing about everything at that time.)
You can even check with “step-parenting groups” for ideas for a parenting plan. Others that have been through the “battlefield of custody matters” can be a GREAT help.
I received a lot of advice from friends here on MB and used it to formulate the paperwork that we filed. It has worked very well for us, and we have filed without an attorney (pro se) for the past 3 years.
Good Luck. Custody is an ugly business to be working through, but if you do your research and have documentation things can go fairly smoothly.
Stacia
God will lead you to
No waters He cannot part;
No brink He cannot cross;
No pain He cannot bear.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104 |
hi stacy,
thankyou so much. yes we have had dna done. h has asked to see oc and ow has denied him, telling him to go through the courts.
so we went to court house, in washington they do the parenting plan. so the court facilitator told us we had to fill out what we were wanting. the reason it is an open case is cause of cs. they will be setting up court date to do cs, im assuming. also to now put my h on birth certificate.
please tell me all u feel comfortable telling. how exactly did u ask for what u wanted, what did u do and how did u get joint custody. im assuming from the very beggining. didnt ow object to it, so how did u get.
sorry to hear about what your going through right now. how awful for lil bit. how old is she. our oc is almost 6 months old.
we were planning on filling out papers and taking them in tomaroo to have court f look at them, make sure all in order and then will recieve court date for the issue. then we have to serve ow, whitch my sis will do. but i will wait to hear back from u im thinking u could be alot of help to us.
i am so greatful for your help. also, a question. we had decided we dont want to go into this just putting down the ow. however she was charged about a year and a half to two years ago for smuggling crank into jail for her bf. we dont want to bring that up. yet r wondering what the judge would think of that, finding that we knew she had been charged yet didnt mention anything about it. we dont think putting the other parent down is the way to win, but also dont want it to come back and bite us in the but for not saing anything,kwim. what do u think.thanks sooooo much for your help.
imtswife
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104 |
sorry jenny,
didnt mean to leave u out. thanyou for caring. your lucky if ow just allowed your h his rights. i wish ours could have been like that. along time ago i thought she would be. sometimes im to gullible and trusting. its like i cant see that a person could be so evil, and thoughtless over there own child.
just please keep us n your prayers, thankyou
imtswife
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 741
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 741 |
imtswife,
Lil Bit is now 5 years old. I am 5 ½ years past Dday. I once posted on this website quite a lot, but have become rather “hit and miss” about checking in.
The beginning of my story is here http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1
OW objected to everything. She wanted to fight about everything. She was very bitter that H had not fulfilled his “promises” to her. His decision to stay with me really sent her into battle mode.
She has a pattern. About 18 months of going along with things, then BOOM! She begins to cause trouble.
The events leading up to our getting custody began after Lil Bit had just turned 2, I was pregnant with Baby Mac. It was July 2003.
OW called to say that she was moving and couldn’t pick up Lil Bit at the normal time and asked if we minded keeping her for the week. No, we don’t mind at all.
She continued to send text messages every weekend, Still moving. Can’t pick her up. Fine by us.
This continued until September. She picked her up on a Sunday afternoon. After 6 hours, she brought her back.
The excuses began to come every week again.
She finally began picking her up again in October, after Baby Mac was born.
We had filed for Primary Custody the day after she began picking her up again.
In November 2003, on our 10th anniversary, H was granted Primary Custody and Child Support.
It’s been a rough ride. You should be able to find many of my posts by using the search function. Go back a few years to get the really crazy stuff.
When we filed to change the visitation schedule, I just took the basic visitation schedule and Holiday breakdown and tweaked it to fit our situation. I limited a lot of time that she would have with Lil Bit because we knew how she would give up her time with Lil Bit. She has held true to her “pattern.”
She is now over $7000 behind in Child Support (which if you have ever been to CS court, you know that can sound like a drop in the bucket) but because she failed to show up for court, there is a warrant out for her arrest and a Cash Bond of $7000 on her to secure Child Support from her.
Another post about making Contact work can be found here… http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...true#Post822948
You can email me using my screen name at Hotmail.com. I’ll be happy to chat with you further.
Stacia
God will lead you to
No waters He cannot part;
No brink He cannot cross;
No pain He cannot bear.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 104
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 104 |
ow is planning on claiming my h tried to kidnap his other kids, thats why she doesnt want him seeing him. info came from h xw we found out. h so angry, i told him not to worry as i dont think a judge is going to listen to the xw. i knew she would get with ow and try what she could to continue messing with him. there is no charge on him cause he never did it so it wont be considered( i hope anyway). what to any of u think. ow had said that maybe if h called a couple times a week to see how oc is maybe shell let him see him in a couple weeks in a public place but not our son. she doesnt want our son around him cause my son didnt like her. My h hasnt and will not pursue any action in court. But I have experienced the court some in regard to my 22 y o d and h's ex-w. I would recommend that your h NOT call her, file the papers and do everything through the courts. She is playing games and I do not believe any good will come of it. Unless she has a witness testify at the hearing, she will just look like a fool claiming the kidnap story. Even if the ex-w testifies she will probably be asked why no police report. I wouldnt stress over it. Furthermore, she, the OW, has NO AUTHORITY to dictate whether your son can be around his sibling or not. Unless she has evidence of abuse by your son, no court is going to let her dictate who is allowed to be around. There may be a transitional plan in the beginning but that shouldnt last more than a couple of months. When your h gets court ordered visitation, she does not have the right to dictate who visits in your home, etc.. Normally I would encourage a BS to work with an OW and let her have her way with the visitation schedule as long as it didnt interfer with your family's schedule. But based on what you have shared, this woman is very immature and wants to be controlling and manipulative. Best to go nc with her, and deal with it in court. Once a decision is made in court, you can go from there. we plan on getting some charecter letters from people for the judge my dil will write one defending our son, as she says he is the most gentle, and would never harm a child he is so protective of his neices and nephews, even more so then there parents. it always makes her laugh , how protective he is. Unless there is a record of his abuse of another, you shouldnt worry about it. The judge will see they are siblings and OW will have to provide some good valid documentation to justify why any restriction on contact needs to be mandated. I would say go nc and focus on your family. Asking for joint is a good idea, but often never happens unless both parents really get along well. I wish you the best. God Bless You Ann
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 98
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 98 |
Also...in determining the child support for my h...my state goes by gross pay not net pay. they go for the whole big enchilada...what he makes before taxes. but my state did put into consideration that h did have two other children. not much consideration but some. this all caught me off guard. heres just a warning in case same happens to you. good luck.
Me: 27
H: 34
Married 5/8/99
*together exactly seven years...met on 5/8/98*
son: 8/2002
son: 3/2005
day world came crumbling: 4/23/05
8/6/05: DNA result is positive
for 8 year old boy from hubby's past that he didn't know existed....
Girl didn't discover it wasn't current BF's child until 2001...
then she had to go down the line with DNA testing and....
DING DING DING, we have a winner.
NC at present time
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 98
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 98 |
QUOTE "don't think bringing the other parent down is the way to win"
My other two cents....
You have to do what is best for the child...
and always what is best for you!
If you believe this OW is into drugs, playing with drugs, has associations with people with drugs, you need to look out for the best interest of the child here.
this is different. this is serious.
Me: 27
H: 34
Married 5/8/99
*together exactly seven years...met on 5/8/98*
son: 8/2002
son: 3/2005
day world came crumbling: 4/23/05
8/6/05: DNA result is positive
for 8 year old boy from hubby's past that he didn't know existed....
Girl didn't discover it wasn't current BF's child until 2001...
then she had to go down the line with DNA testing and....
DING DING DING, we have a winner.
NC at present time
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104 |
hi all,thought id give an update. sorry took so long, been sick in bed all week.
we got papers filed, wb, we asked for joint but i dont see us getting it either. but h was to ask for what he wanted, at least the courts will know my h wants son in his life. anything he gets will be more then he ever had with his dd so all is good.
turned out ow gave courts a postoffice box to recieve legal documents so couldnt serve her had to get more papers filed out and have judge sign so we could nail the papers. our ct date is set for oct 11. court date for cs on oct 24, however did find out h will have to pay 256 dollars. forms say a portion of daycare but no #. dc is 589 month, if he does we are going to have a hard time. i figured out with how much ow makes 2100 month, my h 1600. he pays her 256 shes up to 2350 ,h down to 1350 that is a big dif, she could afford to pay all daycare and still have more then h.
my sis is sending forms today. h is not calling ow. i wanted him too yesterday as baby turned 6 months yesterday. but h doesnt wabt to deal with her at all anymore. sees no reason to call when she will just say no anyway. he feels good about going through the courtrs. im proud of him, he dosnt want his rights kept from him again.
his dd being involved with ow has started to hit him. i think he tried hard to not let it bother him, to understand why she is. but after her being with ow ,listening to ow yell at him that he cant see baby, then not even feeling any form of support for her father is starting to hurt and show.
she called h 20 minites after he had talked to ow, telling him no to seeing oc. we think ow had her call to see what he says. but h continues to not pull her in. she came to church on sunday, hadnt been there in months and comes on the day were making copies and getting declarations from people at church. i didnt go near her, i know i need to forgive her but i cant right now. it hurts too much too see what she has done to hwer father. whats worse is it is my fault that she is. i ask h forgiveness all the time for giving her ow #. how cold i be so stupid. but then i really thought she would support her dad.
anyway now we wait. im sure ow is going to flip whn she gets the summons to court and sees what we ask for.however she said he had too. i dont think she expected him too. hxw probably told her to do this telling her he wont do anything since he didnt with his dd. only reason he didnt is we thought we had to have lawyer and could never afford it. this time he fount he doesnt need a lawyer, so hes fighting. he would not have if she had allowed him to see oc. but this will be better he wont have to jump through her hoops.
anyway, keep us in your prayers, we only want what god wants us to have. imtswife
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 164
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 164 |
Getting close to one of your court dates. Just wanted to see how you all were holding up. Hope all is well and you guys get what you are seeking in court. Was ow served yet?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 104 |
hi calismile,
were doing well. we have lots of faith in god, his will not ours.
we are pretty sure she got the papers. someone at the mailbox place signed for the letter. i dont know how it works from that point but we found out hdd taled to my son about it. we never told either one of them about it. so were sure ow knows and told hdd.
we have not been served anything. the court facilitator had said she would need to fill out same forms and have us served, so far we have heard nothing. i dont know what that means.
thanks for asking, please pray for gods will for us. espically on wednesday. thankyou, imtswife
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 67
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 67 |
hello imtswife
i dont have anything to advice coz we dont have contact as of this time, just want to say hi and i hope everything goes in your favor
i'll been following your thread and also those of the ladies with contact so that i'll know what to do with OC and OW in the future
Good luck to you
dday aug 05
ds was 4 and dd was 3 months old when the A happened
he went home sept 05; stayed for 3 weeks and left us again for ow after 3 weeks
he left preggy ow end of oct 05 and stayed with us since then
we are no contact and recovering
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
314
guests, and
54
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,487
Members71,942
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
