Broken,
have you read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass?
it lends a lot of insight into these kinds of situations.
cgw

Thanks, I haven't heard of that one. I'll order it today. I'm finding that knowledge is definitely power.

By the way, you said I could email you, but I don't have your address. Mine is [email]bluerskies@bellsouth.net.[/email]

Thanks again!

Broken,


From what I have read, the OP is only rarely more attractive than the BS. FOW in my sitch is fat, slovenly, low energy, whiney, and dresses like an old russian peasant. Even her feet are several inches longer that FWH's. He even admitted to getting caught staring at her and when she asked what was up, he asked her how much she weighed. The man really is clueless! FWH's A with her had nothing to do with the way she looked. She put him on a pedistal at a time when he needed to be admired.

Given that I met FOW more than a decade before the A and FOW was homely even then, FWH is a bit embarrassed that I know just how desparate he was.

While I can't really grasp even after all this time, how he could have risked everything important to him for a few months of &^%&(*&*^&$## that even he admits was ultimately meaningless and unfullfilling, I still don't know if I would feel better, or worse if FOW was some extreme "HOTTIE."

Who

Broken,
you've got mail.
cgw

Crap. I think I blew my interview today. I was so hoping to have that job so that I could be financially stable enough to reclaim some power over my own life. I sent an interview thank you that included some damage control, but honestly, how do you portray yourself as a competent professional after you've spent the past month being torn apart with every word out of WHs mouth?

Well, I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm stuck. I know the truth but don't have enough evidence to prove they're more than "friends." He's not about to admit anything. He displays all the behaviors I've learned about here and it would take an act of God to convince me I'm wrong, but without proof I don't feel like I can confront him much more than I already have. I'm such a dufus I actually told him that it was the cell bill that caused all this, so of course all the calls have stopped. But I know that they went out for lunch last week at least, probably this week, too though I can't prove that. He used to log onto his email ten or twelve times a day, now he doesn't go there at all. I don't think he knows I have a keylogger, but I think he's afraid I might.

If I push any further he'll blow up and probably leave and then I'm screwed. If I don't find out where I stand with him I'll go even more psycho than I've already gone. Ugh. This sucks.

You have proof. His treatment of you vs the OW is proof enough. Don't fret over more proof. Time to do your plan A and then head to plan B.

Read Surviving an Affair, His needs/Her needs (both by Harley)....regardless of what he thinks....then go read Love must be tough.

If he gets angry, tell him the more stupid he acts, the more he is confirming he is having an A. LOL!!! Learn to let his own words skewer him as a WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The technique is affectionately called: reverse babble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Don't feel bad about keeping him home for his paycheck.

Many a spouse recovered because they didn't want to have to split their paycheck, he, he......lol.( you should have seen my husband's response when he found out how much the lawyer said I would get a month from him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Keep it one day at a time, count your blessings, and buy "His Needs, Her Needs, not for your wandering husband, but for you.

It is more than just a guide to recovering your marriage.

Its a guide to discovering yourself, and making changes within yourself to help you either recover your marriage or survive life after divorce.

It is all about learning your own self-worth, and learning how to change the way you look at things.

The change lies within your own self.

Sincerely,
k.d.'s heartbreak

ever since the phone calls started between him and OW, he's claimed to be having thoughts of suicide, lost his faith in God, his family is falling apart, he's frustrated and angry almost all the time . . . I'm having a hard time seeing how he's been "helped" by this relationship.






That sounds so familiar. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I can imagine all the emotions you are going through right now.

All of us BS have been through it. It sucks...... no getting around it.

It does get better though.

Just remember, your job is to expose the affair. That is the only way you are going to break up the affair.

You might want to get the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.

I am told it is very helpful, and if nothing more than to reassure you and give you validation.

WS have a common trait of trying to "treat the wife like she is off her rocker".......

If he is on the phone all the time with this, you don't need evidence to prove it. You know it. Men don't make all those calls without having something going on. Its an affair.