I have another question...
How can SF be recovered?

Go slow. Don't ask him to try something REALLY far out at first. Try to introduce something "new" every once in a while. Even if it's only slightly different than what you've been doing.

How to know if his limits are not caused by me?

WHy is he doesnt like things differents he likes to see this things in TV or a video?

I dont understand!!!

Regretted,

There is plenty that you can do. First do not ask. Lead by example.

People have a view of SF based on what they were taught as children etc. If it was viewed in the home as a taboo act etc. And it is dirty to do this that or the next thing. The it is hard to overcome those things.

So what can you do to spice it up. Well it depends on what you want. If you want a different position then get into it and ask him to join. If in the middle of sf my FWW got on a swing, hanging upside down, with one leg in the air and another on the floor and she asked me to join I am pretty sure no matter what my inhibition was I would. Then after doing it if I really enjoyed it I might want to do it again. If I didn't I might want to try it again just to make sure I didn't.

If time is an issue what can you do about that. Well how about a massage? You start on him give him say a 15 minute massage then he gives you one. Touch is very stimulating. Now you are 30 minutes into it.

You can have a game in which for every one minute of kissing one article of clothing comes off. In order to get certain other articles off you have to _________ you fill in the blank.

You do need to take it slow but that can be fun too. If they are deep seeded inhibitions then you need to tackle them a little at a time. As each inhibition falls it will get better and better.

BTW men have to deal with this all the time.

this is so embarrasing...!!

Did you tell your H about your A? What are you *both* doing to recover your M? Is he aware that you are bored or unhappy with SF? Have you told him?


Do you plan to tell him this?

regretted,

I agree with bitbucket those should be addressed.

I took an honors human sexuality course in college. How cool was that.

One of the things was unsatisfied women in an M.

There were many things a women can do to change that. I didn't mean a board game. He doesn't even need to know it is a game.

Ok so the kissing thing. You can do the opposite. You undress him slowly. If he tries to get undressed just say no I want to do that. Waiting in between each article of clothing. It can actually take 10-15 minutes to remove 3 articles of clothing. Then you do the same for you. He doesn't get you undressed you do at your own pace. Start slow.

When people have inhibitions if they experience something enjoyable(very enjoyable) they can get over them much easier.

Great advice!

It sounds as though, Regretted needs to learn the art of seduction...

Later.. Im going to do it...

You have GOT to be kidding!

You tell your husband that this is an equal opportunity marriage and from now on you are taking turns being in charge of sex if he plans on having ANY in the near or distant future!

It sounds to me like you've got much bigger problems in your R than SF.

You really need to get to counseling to work out your H's anger issues, AND the root causes of your A behavior.

Work on that...and then work on the SF issues (with a counselor if need be).

When you have multiple issues, you have to prioritize and work through them by order of severity.

"(3 times he hit me)"

That is 3 times too many.

Leave until you H gets his anger under control.

That makes a big difference. That information calls for a different route.

You do need to be honest but you do need to be safe in doing so.

Get help from a professional.

I love my FWW but she hit me as well. Here is how it went. She pushed me down I said don't do that. She hit me I said that is your last chance. She put her arm around my neck. I called 911 and had her arrested.

She is still mad I had her arrested. She had a restraining order and court issued anger management classes.

I told her if she ever raised her hand to me again she would be right back in jail and while she was there I would be at an attorney filing the papers for a D. When she got out her stuff would be packed and ready for her to leave. She of course said I couldn't make her leave her children. I said no but the court could and will.

Never raised a hand to me again.

In no circumstance is it ok for a spouse to raise their hand to the other spouse!!!!

If you cannot be honest without that fear then you have bigger problems then SF.

I didnt understand your point pieta....
Can you be more specific?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Yes Im agree, but meanwhile?

The violence in regreted's case is well documented. Setting the violence aside, she is telling anything but the truth about her situation. She has never admitted the affair to H and never will. H is a twisted mess because he knows she is lying. H has no clue what regreted did but he suspects. Rgreted believes she can recover her M without ever telling the truth. Regreted is also still in contact with OM against all advice to the contrary. Regreted has had online A's with TWO people and the second that she says she was "connected to", well yes it was a broadband connection but other than that it was with someone she had never met in her life until she got in the chat room. She has also had OS with this person she has never actually met.

Regreted is going to lie to you to get you to tell her what she wants to hear just as she continues to lie to her H each and every day. I have followed her story since her very first minute on MB. There are a few who do know her whole story. It is NOT being told here by regreted.

regreted,

Little steps. Little steps. If that is an inhibition of his that will be much farther down the road.

Gotta walk before you run. That could be a year or two away.

Here is one more thing you can do I got from my class.

Go one month with no SF. When I say that I mean the actual act itself. Anything up to but not including that is ok but not the act itself.

You both can please each other doing anything but the act itself. During the class the men that were once inhibited were now very uninhibited. See men and women think differently about it. Men see the destination women see the trip. Men are very goal oriented, if the goal is self pleasure then it doesn't go well. However if the goal is shifted IE pleasing their partner they will work hard to achieve that goal.

That is what that exercise will show a man. That the end result can be much better if you do everything you can to make the trip very enjoyable. Take the scenic route you may like it more then the one you usually take.

It is up to you though.

BTW please do not minimize the other issue that is being addressed here. It is serious and should be treated as so.

Yikes! Thanks for the heads up.

Where can I find her story?

Some great stuff here.

Maybe you should start a new thread...w/ more suggestions.

You have the courage to have online sex with strangers but you can't stand up to the man you are married to and get the sex you want? AND you want us to buy into the notion that it is your husband who has the problem with sex? He has no problem--he gets his sex--he climaxes. You are the one that has to resort to perverted oline activities to get some. It's time to put on your big girl panties and face yourself!