Is it possible? Can it happen?

The last couple of weeks have been h-e-double hockey sticks. Since mid-August, the divorce train has been running through my life. I've been talking to my lawyer, filling out financial disclosures and not sleeping a great deal. Last Friday, we were suppose to have an initial hearing to decide the temporary support and custody issues. Late on Thursday, we came to an agreement because nobody wanted to go to court. It was good and bad. I can say with feeling that I really don't like lawyers.

I have accepted the fact that my marriage, after nearly 30 years, will be ending. This is not where I wanted to be at this point in my life but I'm only 1/2 of the equation. For the past 2 years, I have done what I could do to save my marriage. I've gone through the plans. I've done counseling. I've talked to Steve Harley. FCSTBXH just isn't in there. I don't think he wants to be married to anybody...shouldn't be married to anybody. I'm reconciled that our marriage is over.

This weekend, FCSTBSXH and I have been talking to each other. We are still the co-owners of a lot of property. We are the co-parents of some great kids. Perhaps this is unusual but we still like each other and can talk to each other. It turns out that we both don't like lawyers. STBXH didn’t really read all of the stuff his lawyer sent to my lawyer. I get email copies of everything but he doesn’t. After he did read them, he was surprised. I was peeved at the tone and negotiating techniques used. The lawyer played hard ball on issues that H didn’t care about. If this keeps up, we’re going to hate each other by the end.

We've decided it's time for US to take back our divorce. It's our marriage. It should be our divorce. It's time to stop letting the lawyers run the show. It’s time to stop running up the bill on expert witnesses. We should be deciding how we want to divide our assets.

I know that there’s probably some pitfalls. I know it’s not going to be easy. However, we’re both reasonable individuals. (Especially since OW has gone bye-bye.) I’ve done a lot of accounting and can crunch numbers as well as any expert. I will look out for my interests. We may not be able to settle everything but we can go a long ways. The lawyers can review things when we’re gone. Fortunately, we agree on the custody issues.

Any advice from those of you who’ve gone through the process? Areas to watch out for, things to do. We’re both tired of the anger. Better amicable than spending a fortune on lawyers.

If you can get along the FAR better way to go is mediation. You both need to be informed about the process but if you can work together & settle this without lawyers battling you will save yourself money & stress.

Just be sure no one is out to screw the other. Everything needs to be above board & both of you need to be fully comfortable & trusting that the other is being fair & has the best of intentions.

Lawyers do played hard ball, that's what you pay them for. If you don't need that, all the better.

ex & I thought about mediation but he was not willing to provide documents I wanted. I didn't feel able to cope with him & the fact of D & felt he was not being above board. For me a lawyer was necessary & I did get a fair, equitable settlement I wouldn't have been able to negotiate myself.