WS changes jobs.
Relocate far away from OP.
Nuclear exposure, even if the LTA appears to be over.
Confront OP, with backup.
The darkest Plan B ever.
Radical accountability and transparency.
Retrouvaille.
MB Weekend.
MC (or MB trained marriage coach).
IC for WS
Genuine proactive atonement from WS.
Aphelion: Wow what an excellent post. I hope I quoted correctly above....
To respond: As far as I know their relationship has been alive for 2 years. She began working for him at this time 2004. I have suspicions that he knew her before he hired her but no proof. About this time last year, I had real proof.
When given the ultimatum (used a letter from Dobson, Love Must Be Tough), he chose to leave. After a month, she quit (my interference due to the nuclear exposure you sited above). There had been several confrontations between she and I. Always, he took her side, and yes, I DID feel like the interloper. She lives an hour from us, and that is about as far away as she will be....he cannot shut down his practice.
I had very clear conditions from him to move back home,
1. complete transparency,
2. A real investment in my safety in the marriage,
3. No contact,
4. See an IC (I found a really good MB type IC),
5. Read not just friends by Shriley Glass.
The only thing he has really done is the IC. We were at MC (same counselor who does his IC) and he raked him over the coals last night about this splitting hairs over his less than honest statements to me this week. Last night and today he is not speaking to me. I think he thought if we brought up my mistrust in the session, the IC would tell me I am too hyper vigilant. This was not what happened.
The thing that really gets to me in all of this, is he NEVER did anything to alleviate my distress. He did not fire her, she quit, he did not do 4 out of 5 requirements to reconcile. The has been caught contacting her 3 different times that I know of since August. So if I know of 3 there are probably at least 6. The IC says he has a personality disorder, a feeling of entitlement, and deflects, rationalizes or back pedals on his statements to me. He let him have it for 1 hour. He told WH he had to be an open book and completely and utterly transparent.
1. DS
2. Roman Catholic teachings on marriage, divorce and (lack of) remarriage.
3. Confronted OM and he took off for the hills. FWW discovering he played her for an entire decade (he even had other A's during the LTA) helped me cope.
4. Loving detachment. Hard to learn though.
Interesting list, as that could be my list as well, even with OW running away when things got really ugly. The loving detachment is extremely hard to learn. I had been working on it all summer and cannot get there. I am either totally entangled, or I completely distance myself.
I am not sure if his affair qualifies as an LTA, but the scenerio you laid out fits what is going on here to a T.
The MC/IC really wants us to try his 4 week plan.....last night should have been week 2, but the entire session was used up by WH lying aspect. He really is a MB type MC, even uses EN's and Love Bank type terminology. So we still have 3 weeks to give. Not sure if I can do it, I stood up to walk out of the session last night saying I don't want to stand in the path of another freight train. MC got me to agree to sit down and then he really got into it with WH.
