I’m sitting here with a blank Word document opened and my fingers ready…and I can’t figure out where to begin my update. It was a heckuva a lot easier to compose last night as I was trying to drift off to sleep. Unfortunately all my wittiness seems to not have woken with me this morning.

The morning started off with a good go to h-e-double-hockey-stick look. We were at the courthouse waiting for the elevator when who should step off? Yeah. She took one look at me and shot the Wookie an acid look. I wonder if I should have offered her a Tums?

(shrugs) Whatever.

Let me back up to Friday/Saturday a bit, because it will relate later in this story. Even tho it was our weekend, we let VD have the children because it was her oldest daughter’s birthday and she was having a slumber party. We let VD have the kids after she had told us she would drop them off Saturday around 2:30 or 3:00 at our house. At 2:15 she calls the Wookie and asks him to meet her at the grocery store near his work because “I don’t want to deal with your wife, and I don’t want to see your happy family.” He goes, but has a fellow patrol officer follow to make sure she doesn’t try any funny business. The exchange went smoothly (we thought).

Back to the courthouse.

We go before the presiding judge and our lawyer tells her we need to get on an open docket because it will be at least an hour or an hour and a half to present our case. We were assigned to a judge and guess what??? VD STILL doesn’t have a lawyer…she says she’s going to represent herself. We go to the appointed court room and the judge decides that because we need to establish custody first, we would put off the child support part of these hearings until custody was determined. That court date will be October 10th.

VD was supposed to go first, but she didn’t know what to do, nor did she have any witnesses to call so she deferred to us. The Wookie was called first. Let me tell you the judge’s and the court reporter gave the Wookie and VD some HARD stares after it was established why we were there and how the children were conceived. One of the prices a Wayward and an OW have to pay to have played that nasty game, I suppose. Our lawyer questioned him briefly about the adultery (they kept calling it an affair…which it wasn’t…none of the “affairs” I’ve ever been to made me lower my morals…and usually involved food and dancing…I made sure to call it what it was when I was on the stand A-D-U-L-T-R-Y!). Then he questioned him about the children and were they happy with us…yadayadayada. THEN THE KOOZE GOT TO CROSS EXAMINE HIM!!! OMG! So many half truths…none of her questioning had ANYTHING to do with the children…everything was about the adultery and the false promises….all according to her so she can show “what kind of person he is.” I wonder if she realizes what kind of person that makes HER???? The kicker was when she asks, “Remember what you said to me Saturday when we exchanged the children?” He looked as her and said, “Um BYE?” “No,” says the witch, “You mouthed I love you to me.” The Wookie remained calm, but I could tell he hated her….he told the court, “You told me you didn’t want to d/o the kids at my home because you didn’t want to see my wife or my happy little family. And you must have been seeing things because I never said I love you to you.” She looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. At lunch he kept muttering about “shoulda known it was a set up.” TG it happened in a public place is all I can say.

We broke for lunch. When we came back from lunch, she wanted her mother entered as her character witness and as evidence a letter I wrote her in 2004 (before MB, I think). The lawyer perused the letter, chuckled, then slid it to me. He didn’t contest that it be entered. The letter itself just said, you’re in your city, I’m in mine, we’ll stay that way for awhile, thank-you-very-much…if you need anything for the children, let us know. In it I also said that maybe she is a good mother because Leondra is such a sweet, lovely child. I had lastly pointed out that we all needed to learn to get along for the children’s sake.

So I get on the stand. The lawyer asks about the kids and do I love them…and describe them and their routine and what do I do for them. Then SHE got to crossexamine me. She said that in the WGL report Wookie said she is a bad mom, and I said, “That’s right, and I agree.” I must admit here that I had been loathe to get on the stand before this…but the more she tried to paint the Wookie badly after all SHE’D been a willing party to it all herself, I was ready. Every time she asked me something I looked her dead in the eyes. And my good friend Cassandra is right she’s nothing but old, worn out linoleum. You know it’s there, but you don’t have to recognize it other that to scrape it out of the room to lay down nice new shiny hardwood.

So I’d agreed she was a bad mother. She then whips out my letter and says, “But here you say I’m a good mom.” I begin to answer and she tries to talk over me. This was about the 5th time she’d done that to me or Wookie…so the judge jumps in her kool-aid and tells her “If you do that one more time, I’m going to hold you in contempt and every time you do it, I’ll charge you $50…which you’ll have to pay before you leave. Do you have that money? (no) Do you have a checkbook? (no, but I have a card) You’ll have to pay or you will spend some time in jail.” He turns to me and almost whispers “Let’s not talk over each other.” “Yes, sir,” I said. So she asks again about the letter. Again, looking her straight in the eye, I said, “VD, look at the top of that letter. It was written in 2004. I’ve had 2 years to change my mind, and I have. I think you are a terrible mother.” (God, you have no idea how GREAT that felt) I say, “For 3 years, nearly every time we’ve had the children, Leondra has had lice. For 3 years, I’ve had to search out remedies and put POISON on that baby. 3 years is long enough!” The judge then asked me about poison, and I turned to him, “Sir, it doesn’t matter a bit that the RID and the store brands and the other brands say they’re safe. Those poisons are to be used a couple of times and STOPPED. I’m sorry but logic and reason say that if something KILLS bugs, it’s probably pretty harmful to people…especially in consistent doses. I’ve done web research…I’ve switched to homeopathic remedies…but it comes down to if it kills the bugs, in large or consistent doses it could be harmful to PEOPLE. Even OFF! Isn’t good for you if you use it a lot.” The judge asked me if I’d talked to a doc…I told him every time we’ve talked to a doc they shrug and say, “use Rid.” Then VD asked, “You all had the children most of the time during the summer, why did they still have bugs?” Again I looked her dead in the eyes and said, “VD we’ve told you again and again, we drop her off clean, then in the 2-3 days she is with you, she gets them again. You know because I’ve heard Wookie tell you that you have to wash all the bed clothes, you have to vacuum the beds, you have to vacuum the furniture, you have to dry the pillows in the hottest setting in the dryer….the children cannot sleep together…and I know they do at your house, we have pictures YOU gave us of the girls sleeping together…they cannot share brushes or hair doo-dahs….” She asked me no further questions.

The judge was appalled at the amount of times the children have had bugs…and VD never really explained it.

Next she calls her mother to the stand. OMG! The rotten apple does not fall far from the decrepit tree. I think this woman has pickled her brain at the bars she frequents. And you know a logical, linear thinking person can take one and one and come out with two? You give her one and one and she comes up with laundry basket…or picture frame…or panda bear. You know the saying “a few fries short of a happy meal?” They forgot the friggin’ fries for her…they just stuck in an empty fry bag. She also brought up stuff that happened between Wookie and VD YEARS ago. Things that were said years ago were brought up again and again like they were said and written in stone by God so he should have done them. ***I don’t get why her knickers are so twisted.*** She’s been around the same block that VD is on…multiple times, even now she is a married man’s sancha….VD and her siblings are all OC…what doesn’t she get about MARRIED MEN LIE THEIR ASSES OFF DURING ADULTRY TO GET WHAT THEY WANT? But in the end she helped us. Our lawyer asked about VD and she says to the court, “she’s a good mom but she makes terrible choices in men…” (giggle) and “Wookie is a very good dad.”

VD was called to the stand…and droned on and on and on and on…I swear I think I might have hit mental-pause….all vilifying Wookie and YES! She said he ‘brainwashed her”….None of this is her fault….it’s not her fault she’s a single mom, and no she never divorced her husband…and yes she has a total of six kids and lives off the state…but she’s going to career school and she will better herself…babble, babble, babble. Our lawyer pointed out that we’d had the kids so much so she could go out and she admitted it, after all, she has to have a life, too you know. Oh, and btw ya’ll according to her, I’M MAKING WOOKIE TAKE THE KIDS FROM HER. How’s that for STOW thinking? Poor defenseless MM can’t make decisions by himself….his wifey poo does it for him. She should know by now the Wookie doesn’t do a damn thing unless he WANTS to. Our lawyer only asked her a couple of questions…all were, Yes, the Wookie is a good dad, or yes, he is providing for them….Oy vey! The judge again clarified that her only $$ was the child support she receives from the Wookie…then he had her breakdown how much she receives in assistance … OMG! I had no idea it was so cushy to be needy…she gets $768/mo in JUST food stamps! That’s more than my rent!

In the end, after falling asleep and startling awake to find myself with sleep drool down my chin (not really) she closes. The judge didn’t hesitate. He gave us the kids. Going by the WGL recommendations, we are the primary residence, she will pay child support (to be determined later), she has to take parenting classes – so do we, but NOT TOGETHER! YEA…and we only have to pay our portion of it. P/U and D/Os are now in a neutral place – the police station parking lot downtown. We have to meet her there, and she HAS to provide her side of the transportation.

The calls began shortly thereafter. She begged us to keep visitation the same. Um, hello Helen….the whole point behind US getting custody was so we can be there most of the time. She cried buckets. The judge all but told her to hush up. He said that she has a choice between standard visitations (every other weekend and Wed, I think) or extended standard (every Thur-Fri, then every other weekend Thur-Sun). He told her if she chooses extended standard she’d have them 47% of the time anyway. She never listened to him.

I did feel bad when she was crying. I mean almost to tears myself…then I pictured the 2nd time Leondra came with lice. She wasn’t even walking yet. I had to go online to make sure they were what I thought they were. We took her out on our front porch to comb through her hair. The wind was blowing off the ocean, and my biggers were jumping on the trampoline (jump-o-line). And I’m holding a baby that couldn’t walk yet, but could crawl and she’s on my lap and I’m sitting Indian style. Wookie is holding her arms down. I’m trying to comb (if you’ve ever seen a lice comb, the tines are VERY close together). The baby has lots of hair and ringlets. And she’s crying and looking at daddy and trying to twist to look at me to see what the heck I’m doing to her….and she’s asking with her eyes WHY am I torturing her. And I’m crying too. And the Wookie is just a puddle with arms.

Then I didn’t feel so bad about VD’s tears. Because that is nearly always the scene on pickup day…only the actors have gotten older.

- Kimmy

Kimmy, your love and compassion astound me and I am humbled to call you my friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Big congrats to you and the Wookie.

And the winners are...THE KIDS!!!!

Great outcome.

My question is (maybe) going to make you angry ...

but I'll ask anyway

has your H had a vasectomy?

Pep

Good !
However,
The cynic in my wishes she never got to see them ever again.
I think it would be best for them.




SS

Kimmy

When I grow up I want to be like you. JUST like you.

I am very proud of you Kimmy.

Love ya, girl. Congratulations. Take good care of those kids.

All I can say is WOW!!!!!

No.

The kids have permanent headlice and the woman had the nerve to invite OTHER people's children over for a slumber party???!!!!

Congrats on the verdict, Kimmy! Those kids are going to be so much better off in a safe and sane environment.

Dear Kimmy,

I have always looked at your sig line and thought - wow.
This is love.
You have one big heart, lady.
((((Dealan-De))))

Congrats Kimmy

Bonus - With over 50% custody YOU GUYS get the Tax Deduction for the kids. If she chooses extended standard to get nearly 47% percent then you must continually document the custody by the day. The IRS will want proof in the event you both claim the deduction/exemption. Of course, you won't know there is a problem until 2 or 3 years after you file the return, it's audited and you find out she claimed it. So retained copious notes are a must as you won't have any recollection at that time. You can be assured that VD will have NO documentation so it won't take much proof to get it but be mindful.

Mr. Wondering

Vinyl!

Linoleum is ac2ally pretty cool stuff, whereas the modern vinyl stuff is truly cheap and chincy... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We old house nuts have 2 make a stand, you know?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long, back 2 lurkdom and obscurity.

P.S. Love your news! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Kimmy,

Congratulations! You are one heck of a person! I bow to you! I don't think I could ever go through what you have and remained in one peice. The children ruly did win here. You are a true hero.

Thanks everyone. We're picking them up in an hour and a half! Our new life begins TODAY!

(Dubya, give the Mrs a squeeze and I'm passin' along the info to the Wook...that'll come in handy if she ever earns enough income to be able to file...)

That's the problem...you won't know if she filed and tried to take it until the IRS contacts you nearly 3 years later. The IRS computers will catch that you both claimed a deduction for the same child spit it out for a line audit. Also, if she ever does figure out she can't take it cause she has less than 50% she may try to document more than 50% custody herself (i.e.-counting 1/2 days as full days and fudging the documents)...at that point your documentation will need to be better than hers.

Just be prepared.

I'm thinking a clipboard calender in the car for drop off and pick up times noting IN HANDWRITING the exact date and time of each exchange. Then once a year make a photocopy of such documents and mail them to yourself in a safety sealed envelope. If you ever have a dispute about the custody percentages with the IRS you provide them the non-mailed original copy and if the dispute carries on further you have the actual sealed copy (which you only open in court or in front of an IRS agent) as proof you didn't just make up the dates and times at a later date to suit your needs and to prove the notes were done contemporaneously with each exchange.

Then after the dispute is resolved in your favor you thereafter have HER sign the clipboard calender indicating the date and time of exchanges to avoid future complications.

Seems like a lot...but an ounce of prevention.....

Mr. W

Courts differ everywhere, but we've been through this. In our case, it was enough to have a calendar that we wrote on every contact the bio-mom had with the kids -- pick up times, phone calls, excuses for not coming ... etc.

We didn't have to go to the extent that Mr. W talks about, but it might have been handy if we ever had to.

Also, on the double-claiming ..... your CS case wil probably extablish who gets to claim the children when. In our state, it's divided between the parents, based on the amount of support that each parent provides for them, and the paying parent can only claim in their years if they are current on their support.

The most important thign is, though, that the IRS has always caught double-claiming in our case the minute the second parent files. We never had to wait three years -- they always immediately reject the second return that is filed, and that person has to prove their case.

We were able to prove our case without ever going to court or anything, just by sending in copies of the CS decree, which states who gets to claim them when, and statements from the Child Support Enforcement Agency showing that she wasn't current.

It was never too difficult of a production for us. We'd get our return back a couple of weeks late, but nothing outlandish.

Good luck!

-AmI.

(ps -- I am NOT a lawyer, and would not disagree with Mr. W in the slightest! It sounds very smart to keep those kinds of records. Just thought you might be a little comforted from hearing from someone who's been there that it's not too scary or bad.)

Bless you, Kimmy. I hope your husband knows how lucky he is to have you. And if your kids don't know it now, they will later!

t&l

What thndrnltng said.

Congratulations!!....and a big hug from me.