((((Lost))))

You did not address me specifically but I was wondering if you think I am beating up on you.

I am not.

I understand completely how you are feeling.

OK. So your eyes aren't closed.

Do you want to talk some more about this?

I have some thoughts.

For starters, do you think that you, your WH or your situation is much different than most others here..different than mine...

I REMAIN A ROMANTIC..so is MY HUSBAND...

I'M SURE he took the FOW out in public zillions of times..he hates to stay inside....

Lost, IMO, your M is far from over unless that is the choice that you are making. If that is your choice, I certainly respect that....

Dru - I do not know the person. I read an email to my WH that said, "It was nice meeting you and OW last night." So my WH took his OW out in public and pretended like he was not married to me but involved with her.

Mimi - No!! I do not feel beaten up by anyone!! I also do not feel like my situation is unique. I KNOW that many WH take their OW out in public. I also know that many WH are much worse than mine. I am just REALLY struggling with the fact that MINE did it. It is going to take me some time to get over the fact that he pretends he is not married. Which means he thinks I don't exist and our 21 year marriage means nothing to him.

I don't want my marriage to be over. I am just trying to get my mind and heart in sync right now.

I welcome ANY and ALL advice, suggestions, 2x4's.

I had a lot of fight in me last year when I found out about OW. I guess I just need to get that fight back. I wasted a lot of time and now I am going to be proactive.

I have already exposed to his brother. That is about it for family. He is a cheater and been married 3 times so no help there! My WH peers don't care. They are the ones he is with when he is with OW.

I guess that's it for now. Thanks again everyone!!

Also, your feelings and thoughts are the same as others, Lost. We understand!!

You said:



I recall saying something like this to one of my GFs early on and she said to me "WHY NOT YOUR HUSBAND?" That really hit me straight in the face. Why not your husband, Lost? Again, I ask, what makes him so special in your mind?

Are you saying that you are still trying to get over the SHOCK? Are you saying that man that you once knew and assumed he was no longer exists? That is true. You have to face that he is NO LONGER YOUR HUSBAND...the HUSBAND that he was prior to his A....

However, HE CAN CHANGE AND BE A BETTER HUSBAND!!! (ark helped me BELIEVE this and it is true)



I don't follow your thinking on this. This is an ASSUMPTION that you are making. IMO, if he is like most other WSes, he wants to BE MARRIED AND HAVE HER TOO. That's what we mean by CAKE-EATING. The FOW in my case even called me HIS WIFE and she considered herself to be his GIRLFRIEND...HIS "WOMAN"...YUCK....

You are very much mistaken that your 21 year marriage means nothing to him. As my H has continued to state, I HOLD HIS PAST. No one can take that away from YOU. No one can erase the MEMORIES of your time together...NO WAY...

Lost, I was married over 25 years when my H had his affair...



Why do you have to WITHHOLD YOUR FEELINGS from him in order to get your mind and heart in sync?

Your feelings JUST ARE....You don't have TO DO anything right now but it's a good start to tell him how you are FEELING...

Lost

You're making some big assumptions here about your H and his presentation of the OW - understandable - but it's not helping you.

You don't have any evidence (or I haven't read it on this thread) that your H was out on the town with OW and being explicitly open that she was his mistress. The email simply records that your H was with a woman of the same name - she might have been introduced as a colleague or a relative. Unless there's more to the email than I've read, there's nothing to suggest the writer of the mail had any reason to suspect an affair.

There's therefore no reason to be furious at the tacit acceptance of his infidelity by 'other people'. It's possible, but your sense of humiliation is something you're whipping yourself into for no concrete reason.

One more point: if you've got the email address of the person who sent the original mail, presumably you could email that person back and ask about what they know? You may get no response, of course, but it seems a good lead. Have you tried doing this?

TA

((( Lost )))

Is there someone there who can follow your WH when he could be going to see her ? or - could you do it yourself from a safe distance ?

carnation

I cornered my h through his credit card. I followed his trail online until it led me to a restaurant . The amount of the bill told me their were two people i even went to the restaurant web site to read the menu.

The next transaction was for a hotel room.

You can pIece together quite a bit of background from the informatIon the statement provides.My h was a classic cake eater and had a secret life that lasted for years he had no intention of leaving home he just took what he wanted and felt entitled to do so.