[moved to EN]
Hi everyone. I'd like to (re-)introduce myself to the forums. My wife was quite the regular here in the year or so leading up to our engagement/marriage. I believe her screen name is SmileADay, and she will be joining this conversation later. Anyhow, we have been married now for just over two years and are having our first (major?) conflict. We just sat down and had a heart-to-heart and, unfortunately, did not make any progress. We both agree that we need a third party to hear our case and suggest an appropriate remedy/compromise.
As the title suggests, the root of the problem is my workout schedule. During a typical work week, I go to the gym five times (twice for basketball, and three for weights) for about an hour and a half each. During this time my wife, a SAHM, is stuck chasing our one-year-old around the house. (Full disclosure: this exact problem was one of the biggest issues in my parents' marriage.)
Now, I am fortunate enough to have a job with extremely flexible hours. This means that I can wake up with the kid at 9ish, feed him breakfast, and leave for work around 10. I get home at about 7 each night, at which point we usually cook dinner together and put our son to bed at 9ish. The point here is that the total time I am away from the house is not the issue (I think my wife will agree with this) as it is pretty typical for a 40 hour work week. (Full disclosure: my job is only a two year appointment, so I need to produce good work for my resume' in order to get a new job in a year. This means that my wife has a point that I should be spending more time at the desk, although I try to do work after the baby goes to bed.)
The problem is that my wife resents the fact that I am off having fun while she is stuck taking care of the house/baby (apparently he gets pretty clingy/irritating from about 6ish until I get home.) She would obviously like to see me cut down the amount of time I spend at the gym. I do not think that is the solution for two reasons. First, I think it is treating the symptoms not the disease. The way I see it, the "disease" in this case is that my wife does not have enough fun in her life. I have suggested that she make a habit of leaving our son with me on either weekends or weeknights and find something she likes to do. She argues that there is no such activity that fits that description, but I think that is just lack of effort on her part.
Secondly, I don't think that the amount of time I spend at the gym is unreasonable. Since our son was born, I have dramatically scaled down my fun activities. In the last year, I think the number of days I've spent on hobbies (astronomy, beer making, going out with friends) could be counted on two hands. Since I only have three things that regularly consume my time: work (full disclosure: I love my work), family, and workouts, I think I am justified putting my full allotment of hobby time in at the gym (question: what is a full allotment?) Additionally, there are the health and emotional benefits of staying in shape, which require about three hours/week at the absolute minimum.
So, give it to me straight, am I being a selfish [censored] here?
5X
Last edited by SmileAbout5XaWeek; 10/04/06 01:35 PM.
