Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
I think one of the great unspoken fears we have as betrayed spouses is that we are afraid we will never find any relationship as good as the one we had with our spouse prior to the affair.

Many of us had good marriages. Others had what Pittman calls "salvageable" marriages, where there were a few problems that could have been solved by better communication or counseling.

But once the affair devastated our marriages we had to ask ourselves some hard questions. Will we ever find someone as good as our spouse was before the infidelity? Given the statistics on unsuccessful second and third marriages and marriages of blended families, is the deck stacked against us?

Were we driven by our subconscious into choosing someone who was destined by their character flaws, personality disorders, or corrupt values to be unfaithful, and will it happen again?


I feared this for a while, but I soon realised that I'd be OKay with or without Squid. In fact for a while I thought a new spouse who hadn't betrayed me might be a pretty good thing.

I'm glad I stuck it out now though.



How can the wayward spouse throw away all the wonderful memories of their courtship and marriage as though they meant nothing?


Because they HAVE to else they face the reality that their affair is evil, selfish unjustified.


MB Alumni
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138
E
Member
Member
E Offline
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,138
i'm afraid that, evn if my h is unhappy and realizes he made a mistake and/or if the affair ends...he may think that he has just done too much damage for us to work through...

especially since I have had no contact with him ever sincehe called ranting and cussing and i changed all of my numbers

will he think the plan B letter which states i would be willing to try again if the affair ends is no longer how i feel???

and it's been a lonnnng time and he may think that i've changed my mind

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
H
Member
Member
H Offline
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
Quote
i'm afraid that, evn if my h is unhappy and realizes he made a mistake and/or if the affair ends...he may think that he has just done too much damage for us to work through...

What do you think? Has he caused too much damage?

Quote
will he think the plan B letter which states i would be willing to try again if the affair ends is no longer how i feel???

and it's been a lonnnng time and he may think that i've changed my mind

I think he would test the waters to see if you were open to recovery if that is what he really wanted. My guess is that he is still deep in the affair. Even if the affair was wavering, I think he would want to contact you or someone you both know to find out if you still cared for him.

Now I know that is a depressing thought, but not all alcoholics can be reformed and not all drug addicts shake the habit -- not all cheaters seek reconciliation with those they injured.

The good news for you, Eav, is that there are other men out there, and coupled with the things you have learned from this experience, you have a great chance at creating a better relationship than you have ever had before.

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
H
Member
Member
H Offline
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
Quote
I feared this for a while, but I soon realised that I'd be OKay with or without Squid. In fact for a while I thought a new spouse who hadn't betrayed me might be a pretty good thing.

I'm glad I stuck it out now though.

I'm glad you stick around here, bOb. You are definitely an inspiration for those who still have a chance to save their marriage.

2muchhrtbrk,

I agree that the personality of the WS plays a key role in determining whether he/she seeks recovery. I wish there was a nice little questionaire capable of figuring out who will and who won't! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Page 2 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (Carolina Wilson), 546 guests, and 71 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Lokire, vivian alva, Zion9038xe, renki, Gocroswell
72,028 Registered Users
Latest Posts
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,523
Members72,028
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0