I haven't been on here for a couple reasons. My internet is turned off......but the bigger reason is, my little sister Cristi died of a heroin overdose.

She was recovering, and hadn't been doing it for about 3 months.....but on the 25th of September she got a check for an insurance overpayment.....borrowed my Mom's car and went and got her fix......she bought approximately $100 dollars worth of heroin, and apparently tried to do her "usual dose", but her doctor said, since she'd been off of it so long, that would have been too much.

She borrowed Mom's car and went and got the stuff then went and picked up my Mom at Noon, and went home......sometime between noon and 4pm she shot up, and it was too much and she died.

Her daughters came home from school @ 4 pm and found her (they are 14 and 11). She had locked herself in the bathroom and the 14 year old thought she wasn't home, and didn't know why the bathroom door was locked, but she needed to use it, so she got a screw driver and unlocked the door, and tried to push it open and saw her Mom was passed out in there and she couldn't get the door open. They called 911 and they ran to get a neighbor to help them get into the bathroom. The neighbor squeezed through the door and moved her enough to get the bathroom door open.

Then my younger niece Madison called my Mom hysterically screaming that her Mom was sick and the ambulance took her to the hospital.

My Mom didn't know who it was....thought it was my daughter....so they drove over to my place....I wasn't home, I was out on errands.......so my Mom didn't go over to Cristi's house.....those kids were all alone, their Dad was at work......the kids were alone for about an hour.

Then I found out the my baby sister had died. I'm so very very sad. I tried so hard to help her, and I wonder what I could have done differently.

I haven't been able to post before now.....it's just too painful, and I am in serious mourning.

She was a heroin addict.......but she'll always be my sweet little sister, she couldn't help herself, it had taken control of her life.

So she died......needle in her arm, vomiting, head on the toilet, in her house, for her kids to find.

I'm so sad, I haven't stopped crying.....and it's everything I can do to type this through my tears.

I love her so much.........I will always love her.

Aside from her addiction, she was the sweetest, most gentle person. She just couldn't beat this.

I wonder sometime if I should have been more specific in my prayers for her. I prayed that she would "Stop doing heroin".......and she has stopped.......but this wasn't what I wanted.

I remember hearing Mortar say, that when we pray from someone, we leave it up to God, because if it meant our spouse would have to be in a wheelchair to finally get it....would we let that happen?? So I guess maybe this was the only way she would ever be able to stop.

I miss her more than you could ever know.........I don't know when the sadness and mourning will lessen, but for now I'm really messed up.

God Bless,

-Caren

Extra added bonus, I had to miss a lot of work during this time, so now I am going to have to struggle to make the rent.....etc.

I'm back at work now, but not functioning very well.

My thoughts are so disconnected..........

God Bless,

-Caren

{{{caren}}}

I am so sorry. BTW, there really was nothing you could do. Give yourself that little break ok? How are your nieces doing?

((((((((((((CarenMc))))))))))))

CarenMc, I am so sorry for your loss. Your little sister knew you loved her. I know this is a very difficult time for you. Take care of you.

Oh Caren, this is horrible. I know you and I had shared some before about our drug addicted siblings- it's my brother that's a homeless drug addict.

I am soooooo very very very sorry. I do not even know what to say. I'll send a prayer up for her children and for you. Bless your heart. It just keeps raining and pouring.

I'm praying for some positive things to start raining down on your life.

So sorry about your sister, Caren. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I'm so sorry to see you back here in these sad circumstances. What a terrible waste. TT

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand the pain. Please take care of yourself, and give those little girls all that you can; they need you now more than ever.

I'm so sorry, Caren.
I wish there was something I could do for you.

{{{{Caren}}}} I, too, am terribly sorry for the loss of your little sister. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. And for pre-teen teen girls to lose their mom, that is just horrible. Life can be so unfair.

I know it's hard to keep being strong with all that life has handed you, but I think maybe your nieces need you... and maybe you can all draw comfort from one another.

But I really don't know what to say except that I'm sorry.

I'm so very sorry to hear this sad news, Caren.

Caren, I am sorry. I lost a brother to an OD at age 26. It takes a long time to get through.

I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through. My prayers are with you and your family.

I am very sorry for your loss Caren.....

I'm so sorry..................
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

bb

Nothing honey. This was HER story, not yours. The only story you have control over is your own.

It doesn't make it hurt less...but do not take her pain as yours. You CANNOT own it. It is impossible.

Ache, grieve, love. There are your girls and hers that need you to be a role model in grace for them. You ARE strong enough for this.

All my love,
Kimmy

I had just finished talking with my 19 yo son about addiction and how awful it was to bury a friend last thursday due to addiction when I saw this. I am so very sorry for your loss!

Our friend was a week and a half shy of his 46th B-day when he died. He was alone too. He had buried his own mother the day he died from too much alcohol.

Caren, at his funeral his family said what you did. He had his problems and struggles, but he was our brother, son, dad. And we loved him.

Please don't be too hard on yourself. You couldn't have done anything that would have changed this. If you could, I'm sure you would have done it a long time ago and not let it (the addiction) get this far. But that wasn't in your control.

Please take care of yourself. If you need help, make sure you get it. You are worth it.

Hang in there. Take care your self first.

-rh-

Don't have any words that will help really........ but I care.
Wish we could help take away the pain. Hope you'll do Ok these next few days.

SS